RE: Relationships are a power battle
I love this post. But I think it's tough to generalise it; everyone has its issues and traits. I think everyone has to be honest and conscious first of all to him or herself and partner as well, but I also think it's essential how you express your emotions. I had experience with a girlfriend who just couldn't talk calm in the conflict, who was shouting immediately, I can't stand with it, but then she found the one who was accepting it, and it worked perfectly. I think the most important is to understand what can hurt the partner and if a partner says this pains me, please choose another way to express yourself, then it's the best way to communicate. If a partner always hurts you knowing that it's destroying you but continuing to do it, I would be distraught. I think the main thing is just to find a balance considering all these issues. It's not easy, and I'm also not successful in it yet, but I hope it's manageable, just the best to be calm down a bit and then to discuss...
My intention was not to generalize that all of us are either "Soft" or "Strong", eager to tell how they feel or hide things and defensive or confrontational, etc. Or that in every relationship roles are divided somewhat like this, you know? I'm just very interested in this topic and chose to took up this point of view and needed some examples to demonstrate my thinking..
"--it's essential how you express your emotions." I agree on this for sure! It's so important to think how you express yourself so that you would be understood thoroughly. Although this might be difficult when emotions are related to the situation and mixed with thinking. You describe how you couldn't stand your ex shouting and I have experienced similar situation except that it wasn't about shouting but talking and settling things in general, where the other one couldn't stand that.
Like you say, the main thing is to find the balance. You have to make compromises so that both of you could be heard and not hurt. That definitely ain't easy and requires lots of work and commitment to the relationship.
I totally agree :)