Thinking about Death

I wanted to put some thoughts to digital ink as things have been a little rough this year so far. At the end of Feb. We had to end life support on my mother Patricia. She had been in poor health for a while and after collapsing in the middle of the night while going to the bathroom and having her lungs collapse from the fall she never recovered. Then just 3 days ago our Yorkie, Blossom, finally came to a point in her fight with cancer that she had to be put down after her inoperable tumors suddenly grew in size over a few days to the size of a grown man's fist.

Both of these passings have been horrendously painful for myself and my family. While neither my mother or my pet had been in great health for quite a while the sudden worsening of their conditions resulting in their deaths did still come as a surprise and is not something that you can ever truly be ready for having to deal with.

I know some may not like the idea of my talking about the death of my mother and my pet in comparable terms but while the emotional torment that they have caused do vary quite widely the situation I found myself in did have striking similarities. In both cases I found myself making a life-ending decision for someone who I cared for deeply.

With my mother, we had talked about what she wanted before and how long she was willing to be left on life support. We also talked about what kind of condition that she did and did not want to come back to. With her collapse, she hit her head but while my father started chest compressions almost immediately and this was continued by the paramedics while they transported her to the hospital we found out once she arrived that both lungs had collapsed meaning that even with CPR she had been without oxygen for over 20 min. After 3 days I fought with my family to hold to her wishes and we ended life support. While my emotions were screaming in paid I had to make the cold rational decision to end life support and with it my mother's life. The one thought, which the head of neurology confirmed, was that even if her body survived there would be no one there mentally meaning no quality of life possible. A hard truth which the head of neurology shared was that in cases that people did survive that they, while loved dearly, eventually became they will become a burden upon the family and viewed less and less as a person. Hearing this you have the gut reaction that this is wrong and that you would never feel this way about a loved one, but thinking on it, I can see that he is probably right. Maby not after a week, or a month, but eventually having to do everything for a person who is not even there mentally to react to you, to share thoughts with, to interact with in any way, the would become another chore that has to be done. I was lucky in that my mother, my father, and I had talked about this before it was an issue and all agreed that none of us would want to survive in this situation.

With our Yorkie Blossom the hard part was that she was still there mentally, however, you could see the impact on her personality and the struggle that the sudden growth was causing her was evident. She all but lost her ability to walk and her breathing was becoming labored. We took her to the vet with hope of another option but with the knowledge that it was unlikely that we would have her company for another day. With our final goodbyes and the push of a small syringe, she was gone.

This ending of life is what has struck me most. While it is universally accepted that our pets who are loved dearly may be killed through euthanasia which allows them to pass in an easy peaceful manner we don't allow ourselves the same courtesy. Blossom was provided a sedative and then shortly after a show which ended her life and in a few peaceful moments later she was gone. No pain, no gasping for breath, no fear. A death that most of us would like for ourselves. My mother, however, was only able to be provided pain medication but had to be let to pass by ending life support, pulling her breathing tube, and her body being left to struggle and gasp for air under its own power before finally conceding to the final caress of the deaths touch. It was not quick, it took near 15 minutes; it wasn't peaceful, her body gasped and struggled for breath, but in the end, it was just as final.

I understand that most consider human life to be more sacred and that they feel that morally it would be wrong to induce death. I understand that you don't want to introduce the idea of euthanasia as an easy way out. But, when you are looking at situations where there are no option possibilities of recovery and the person is either brain dead or in a situation where their death is both soon to come and likely to involve great pain I feel they should have the option to leave the world at their discretion without having to resort to painful makeshift options of suicide.

Both of their deaths have hurt me immensely. It just seems odd that our pets with our guidance have a better option to end their suffering than we ourselves have.

I appreciate your time and hope you have a wonderful day. Love your family and pets while you have them.