My first personal poetry in STEEM: A relief

'I hide
behind statues of ashes
to not to see anyone running from fear
of the classy vulnerability
of the keen despair
of the sharp stubbornness,
there is an almost pulsating tightening on the inside of the chest
a bewitched cage holding a dirty ogre screaming for manumission
kicking and saying that
I
do not
deserve
to be
loved
I
do not
deserve
to be
loved
I do not take the risk
to end up in mud to what I was architected
I support myself in almost perfect crimes of omission
there is an acid negation,
an uneven balance swinging into the abyss,
almost like a mirror,
perhaps
the
solution
is
to
guide
myself
through
the
wrong
direction
on the other side, the reflex summons me to fall
I no longer know which voice is calling me
or if I am (only, lonely) fantasizing about a disgruntled narcissist

I sabotage
fleeing from unreal fluttering shadows
who wear me a veil
with such a rapidity and violence
that I can hardly see any color, any trace, any clue, any-thing-that-makes-me-feel-anything-good

!Whew!

I breathe like an almost dead man on the beach where he was expurgated
a white sky invites me to see again the peace of the Tibetan monks

I habor
in a rusty blue boat with the name of a city devastated by the civil war,
the same boat I used to sink me.'

Do me the favor:
Do not even dare to do this again.

Art work by Wabisabi

This poem is about my old mental struggles and the way I tried to deal with them, trying to hide all of them from myself, instead of healing those bad feelings. After a while, I could finally see things clearly and I feel so much better right now, eventhough sometimes I still think about those dark moments. This piece of work is basically me talking to myself and how should I treat it, not ignore it.