What is common to parents whose children succeed?

We all dream of raising successful children. But a single recipe for education does not exist. Now you can say what you need to do to the child has achieved the heights of life.

blame or criticize? Paint it a day by the minute or give complete freedom? To force to cram exact sciences or to develop creative abilities? We are all afraid of missing something in raising children. Recent studies by psychologists have revealed a number of common features among parents whose children have been successful. What do parents of future millionaires and presidents do?

1. They make children do housework

“If children do not do the dishes, it means someone else has to wash it for them,” says Julie Lifcott-Hymes, a former dean at Stanford University and the author of How to Raise an Adult. .

The sooner you teach a child to work, the better for him. This will give children the idea that to live independently means, first of all, to be able to serve yourself and arrange your life.

“When children are released from homework, it means they do not get an understanding that this work needs to be done,” she stresses. Of the children who help their parents at home, they are more sensitive and cooperative workers with colleagues who can take responsibility. 

2. They pay attention to the social skills of children.

Children with a developed “social intellect” - that is, those who understand well the feelings of others, are able to resolve conflicts and work in a team - as a rule receive a good education and full-time work by the age of 25. This is evidenced by a study of the University of Pennsylvania and Duke University, which was conducted for 20 years.

On the contrary, children, whose social skills were poorly developed, were more often under arrest, were prone to drunkenness, it was more difficult for them to find work. “One of the main tasks of parents is to inculcate skills of competent communication and social behavior in a child,” says Kristin Schubert, who conducted the study. “In families that pay great attention to this issue, children grow up more emotionally resilient and more easily survive adult crises.”

3. They set the bar high

The expectations of parents are a powerful incentive for children. This is evidenced by the analysis of survey data that covered more than six thousand children in the United States. “Parents who prophesied a great future for children made more efforts to make these expectations a reality,” say the authors of the study.

The so-called “Pygmalion effect” may also play a role: the high expectations of the parents make the children try harder to meet them.

4. They have a healthy relationship with each other.

Children in families, where minutely quarrels occur, grow less successful than their peers from families, where it is customary to respect and listen to each other. This conclusion was made by psychologists from the University of Illinois (USA). At the same time, a conflict-free environment turned out to be a more important factor than a full-fledged family: among single mothers who raised children in love and care, children more often achieved success.

The early development of basic arithmetic predetermines future success not only in the exact sciences, but also in reading

One study showed that when a divorced father is often seen with children and maintains good relations with their mother, children’s affairs are better. But when tension persists in the relationship between parents after a divorce, this negatively affects the child.

5. They set a personal example of high results.

For mothers who become pregnant during adolescence (under 18), children are more likely to drop out of school and do not continue their studies further. Psychologist Erik Dubov found that according to the educational level of the parents at the time of the child’s 8th birthday, it is possible to predict quite accurately how professionally successful he will be in 40 years.

6. They teach children mathematics early

In 2007, a meta-analysis of 35,000 preschoolers in the USA, Canada and the United Kingdom showed that those students who were already familiar with mathematics at the time of entering the school showed the best results in the future.

“Early mastering of the account, basic arithmetic calculations and concepts predetermines future success not only in the exact sciences, but also in reading,” says Greg Duncan, the author of the study. - What is the reason, while it is impossible to say for sure. "

7. They build trusting relationships with children.

Sensitivity and the ability to establish emotional contact with the child, especially at an early age, are extremely important for his entire future life. This conclusion was made by psychologists from the University of Minnesota (USA). They found that those born in poverty and destitution achieve great academic success if they grew up in an atmosphere of love and warmth.

The sensitivity of parents even compensates for the influence of such negative factors as an unfavorable environment and a low level of education.

When parents “react to the child’s signals quickly and adequately” and provide him with the opportunity to safely explore the world, even negative factors such as an unsuccessful environment and low level of education can compensate for this, says psychologist Lee Raby, one of the authors of the study.

8. They do not live under constant stress.

“Mothers who have to rush between children and work" infect "their children with their anxiety," says sociologist Kei Nomaguchi. She studied how parents spend time with their children on their well-being and future achievements. It turned out that more important in this case is not the amount of time, but quality.

Excessive, suffocating care can be just as harmful as neglect, Kei Nomaguchi emphasizes. Parents who seek to protect a child from dangers do not allow him to make decisions and gain his own life experience.

9. They adhere to “growth thinking”

One of the surest ways to predict whether a child will succeed in life is to look at how he assesses the causes of success and failure. Stanford psychologist Carol Dweck makes the difference between fixed thinking and growth thinking. The first is characterized by the belief that the limits of our capabilities are set initially and we cannot change anything. For the second, we can achieve more by making efforts.

If one child’s parents say that he has an innate talent, and another - that nature has “cheated” him, it can hurt both: the first will worry all his life due to imperfect results, fearing to lose his precious gift, and the second may refuse to work over themselves, because "nature can not be changed."