i am at loss

hi, Steemians!

today i'll be sharing an experience. hope you don't mind me sharing my teen thoughts (i'm actually 24 years old, but you'll get what i mean when you read this) as if this was a diary. i guess i just wanted to share this somewhere and see what other people (who aren't aware of the situation) think about it. i'm gonna need full collaboration, please. feel free to comment below.

so, here’s the deal. i have a crush on this drummer. handsome, very nice, funny, dedicated, sweet, interesting, relaxed. the thing is… i don’t think he likes me back. or at least not in that way. a few weeks passed since i first noticed i had a crush on him. it was weird, but i did. i tried flirting, but i don’t know how to do that, so i guess he didn’t really noticed.

on the other hand, the few times we’ve talked and seen each other, he had been sending me many, many mixed signals. and that confused me A LOT. so, today i decided to tell him.

that’s right. i actually asked the guy if he wanted to go out with me.

told him i wanted to take more risks in life and that i didn’t want to have more doubts. he replied something that made me smile and that he was glad i asked. but that he wanted to be sincere with me. he told me he’s life is a bit complicated right now, that he's putting all his efforts and energy into personal projects (which i think is great). and that was why he has closed himself up emotionally. but that he’d love to hang out with me and the band and make some music.

i didn’t know how to react to that. i felt like he was rejecting me but didn’t want to, not really. i’m not sure if i had ever been rejected before (low-key i probably have, many times. but it's hard to remember when you had been in a relationship for 8 years). i guess i didn’t see it as a rejection per se, though. he never really said “no”. not that i noticed.

so, i proceed and let him know i'm not actually looking for getting involved emotionally with anybody (because i’m moving to another country soon). i just wanted to go out with him, get to know each other a bit more and have fun. that’s it. something very chill. not a relationship. not a “let’s-fall-in-love-forever” kind of thing. but i also told him that i’d understand if he’d prefer to stay as friends (which isn’t what i want but i’m cool with it too).

and after everything i said to him, he just responded: “sounds cool 😎”.

ok, cool, but… WHICH PART?!
the “let’s go out, no strings attached” part?
the “we can stay friends and make music with the other guys” part?

of course i tried to keep my cool and just said “well, i’m gonna go ahead and just assume you’re agreeing to the last line”, aaand he replied: “sounds cool”.

what the actual f*ck, man.

my best friend says he’ll come around. my other best friend says quite the contrary.
personally, i have no clue what’s happening here. i wanna believe he’ll actually say “ok, let’s do this”. but i don’t know.

is he making any sense? am i stupid for being confused? am i crazy for overthinking this?

I.AM.AT.LOSS.