Guard Your Heart, Do Not Follow It - Protecting Your Marriage on Social Media - Soulful Sunday by A Panama Mama
A few years ago, I watched a family I was close to fall apart because the husband started having an affair. He met someone online who he was close to and had similar interests to him and it went from there. There were early morning meet ups online, countless texts and email messages sent back and forth, secret meet ups on business trips, and innumerable lies told. These days, where social media is the way most of us communicate, it is important to take various precautions if you do not want to have an affair.
The married couple I knew were not really involved in each other’s lives other than surface level. They would go out to eat, hang around watching TV and be in the same room together on their computers, but they never really were connected. They often took trips for work without their spouse and would check in a few times on the trips. They were married young and never really understood each other’s differences.
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Marriage is hard. It takes a lot of work to have a good marriage and be open with your spouse. Marriage is not what we see on TV. Staying married is something both spouses have to work and fight for. Marriage takes a lot of understanding, forgiveness and compromise. Both spouses cannot always have their way or you basically have two individuals living under the same roof doing what they want.
This day and age, with practically everyone on Facebook, Instagram, Snap Chat and so much more, there are some precautions you must take to keep yourself from getting emotionally attached to another person and possibly leading to an affair. Steemit and Discord can also be thrown into the mix since they are social media sites.
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No secrets
The first thing I do to protect my marriage on social media is I do not do anything that I would not want to tell my husband. If I am chatting in a Discord room with someone, I usually will tell my husband what is going on. There are no secrets that I keep from my husband in this regard.
No personal information
Another thing I do online is I do not go into a private room or message another member of the opposite sex with personal information. While setting up our recent Discord group, I did have to message with some members and every step of the way, I kept my husband informed on what was going on. We exchanged the necessary information and did not continue with the messaging.
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No sneaking around
A sign that you are getting too attached and have gone too far would be sneaking around, getting up in the middle of the night to message the person and constantly thinking about them. None of these are a good idea if you are in a marriage. If this happens, stop communicating with the person and turn your attention back to your spouse.
The grass is not greener
The grass is not always greener on the other side. You will have a fantasy in your head of how great things will be if you can leave your spouse and run away with this other person you have so much in common with over the computer, but it is not true. When real life comes rushing in and you are caught in your lies, everyone gets hurt. Do not do something that requires you to lie or keep a secret from your spouse.
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Fall back in love with your spouse
Find something that you and your spouse enjoy doing together. If you both enjoy going for a walk, watching a movie, cooking a meal or whatever it is, find the time to do it. It is okay to try something new (I am the worst at this)! I tried ballroom dancing before with my husband and I am not a good dancer, but it was a fun time we had laughing together over my dis-coordination! Make a bucket list or date night ideas and start marking them off the list.
It is so easy to let your guard down on social media and start chatting with someone you have a lot in common with. Just remember, you really do not know if the person you are talking with is telling you the truth about who they are, what they look like or how they are. If you are married, it is just plain not a good idea to let yourself get emotionally involved with another person.
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The movies always tell you to "follow your heart" but they have it all wrong. The Bible gives us this wonderful wisdom:
Do not follow your heart.
Jeremiah 17:9 -
The heart is deceitful above all things
and beyond cure.
Who can understand it?
Guard your heart.
Proverbs 4:23 - Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life.
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Opp's, didn't mean to leave a comment.
I shared this post during my show today thanks to the recommendation from godwaves. Our show is called romance on the air, we are two Christian girls sharing our Christian beliefs and view on love. Hopefully you can join us this time next week. You can find us on MSP/PAL discord, so click here to join!!!
Wow, that's so awesome! Thanks so much for that! :) I will definitely check you out.
This is excellent advice and a great reminder to put my husband first. He gets irritated when I put our lives on hold just so I can respond to a comment or a post from a complete stranger and I guess if it were him doing that to me I'd feel the same. He's sleeping right now though so it's ok. ;) Great Bible verses too... following our hearts gets us women into trouble doesn't it, yet everyone says, "Follow you heart!" Sounds nice but, um no. I'd probably end up hurting everyone around me if all I did was follow my heart. Thanks for the article!! :)
It is so true that we are talking to strangers on here. I mean, I know 4 Steemians personally and 2 of them live in my home. ;) Lol. When a (Disney) movie says to "follow your heart" I just about want to scream. It's such horrible advice and how so many people get into trouble. Thanks for stopping by!! :)
It is crazy to think "follow your heart" is actually terrible advice lol...but it comes from the world, a place that always says to view your own desires first and everyone elses second. So of course its backwards!
It is crazy but it is so bad. Our heart will lie to us and lead us astray. It will tell us what we want to hear, not the truth. Hormones do the same thing. ;) Lol
Thank you for sharing! This was an excellent article and very true. I have seen this type of thing occur on more than one occasion. While neither of those got serious to the point of breaking up or divorce, they still caused momentary turbulence in the relationships and damaged the trust that was once there.
Remembering to keep Christ at the center of your relationship is key (and something I am guilty of not always doing myself). I would like to add the following verse as well
because they have a good return for their labor:
If either of them falls down,
one can help the other up.
But pity anyone who falls
and has no one to help them up.
Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.
But how can one keep warm alone?
Though one may be overpowered,
two can defend themselves.
A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.
Basically, you and your spouse should support one another and defend one another. By adding the 3rd cord, Christ, you will not be quickly broken, but remain strong in your relationship and support for one another.
Thanks for the additional verses! I agree that Christ must be the center in order to make life and marriage work. :) So glad that Jesus is there to hold us together if we both are holding on to him.
This is probably one of the most depressing posts I've ever read.Not because of what you wrote, per se. More because... it just seems so..hopeless. I'll upvote and resteem anyhow. It just ..made me feel really sad.
I'm sorry that it made you feel really sad. I think that marriage is a great thing. That's why I want to keep my marriage whole. I safeguard various parts of my life to ensure that my marriage stays intact.
You have to be involved with each other to make a marriage work. Keeping secrets from each other is never a good idea.
No, it is never a great idea to keep secrets! Thanks for stopping by. :)
Very good advice, one in the hand is worth more than two in the cyber sphere, or was that bush? Lots of damage has been created from the keyboard for sure, I have a friend who's wife did a similar stunt without any regards for their two teenage girls, what a role model she was for her girls.
Two in the cyber sphere - Lol! Yes, horrible role model. Same with the family I know...teenager. So so sad.
Right on! So much wisdom here! Thanks for sharing! I could not agree more.
Thanks for stopping by! I'm glad you agree - it's a crazy world out there!
I'm newly married and the basic issue trying to solve is gaining my spouse trust, he is a businessman and I'm a freelancer. His colleges are male and my are not fixed can you suggest me good tips
Never be alone with someone who is the opposite gender. Don't keep secrets from your husband. Check in regularly with each other. :) Congratulations on being newly married!
thanks
This was so necessary and needed to be put out there. Thank you for sharing this. My cousin’s marriage was destroyed because her husband start receiving way too much attention from other women on Facebook. He claimed they were giving him more attention than she was and it went down hill from there. Transparency in a marriage is one of the best things to have.
The tips you gave are so important. I too never keep secrets from my husband. He has access to my Steemit account and my emails etc. We keep it open so there is nothing to hide. Yes the heart is deceitful and cannot be trusted. We can only trust in the Lord and ask Him for strength and conviction to keep us away from temptations that could ruin our marriages. Upped and Steemed!!!
Thanks! :) Yes, I agree that we must trust in the Lord to give us the strength to avoid temptation! I just really do not like watching a movie that the whole plot is "follow your heart, do what makes you happy!" Ah!! It's so annoying! People mess things up so badly when they do that and yet people still keep doing it.
I know it’s so annoying. Sadly that’s the “worlds” philosophy and not the Lords.
This is great advice @apanamamama! We tend to underestimate the value of a good marriage (and the hard work that comes with it) too often.
Thanks for the comment. Yes, it does require a lot of work!
You're welcome :)