Back to myself !
I’ve been weird lately. Maybe it’s all the emotional things I’ve been going thru. Maybe it’s the chemo . Maybe it’s just I was in a bad place.
Someone once told me that it’s 20% what happens to you and 80% how I react to it. It’s true. I let so many things lately make me act out of character. Like I said maybe it was the hurt , maybe it was the chemo, maybe it was all the emotions I’ve been feeling as a result of both.
I’ve always said if people feel guilt over what others say , then that’s on you. Then you must have a little bit of a guilty conscience. A person that has done no wrong, can’t feel guilty no matter how much someone says they are. So something to think about there .
I’m back to being me. Focused on my children, my health, my business. Everything else will just have to fall into place. If it doesn’t maybe it was never meant to fall into place.
I can’t put my energy into the what if’s , or what could have been . I can only focus on the now.
I don’t have any animosity towards anyone I ever loved or love. Like I said many times previously, when I love someone it’s wholeheartedly and unconditionally. You can hurt me, you can leave me , you can lie to me , I’ll still love you . I may not trust you , but I’ll still love you. I won’t turn my back on anyone I love. It’s just not in my nature. Maybe that’s a flaw , maybe that’s something I should do, but I can’t.
Anyway, I’ve had a good day so far, and hopefully it continues. I don’t feel so sick today. I even managed to go to the gym today. I had to modify and take it a little slower , but I got it done. Which in itself is an accomplishment. Just getting out of bed that early was an accomplishment lately. Lol
Just glad to stop dwelling on the past and the unknown. If he wants to be my friend and stay in touch , great. If not that’s ok too. If I get up to go to the gym, great. If I can’t get up , that’s ok too. I can’t dwell on the things I can’t control!
I hear you there loud and clear! I haven't lived through cancer, but I've lived through things such as grief, rejection, homelessness, being in debt, having to make difficult decisions, etc.
I just have to remind myself and others that I'm doing the best I can with what I have available and refuse to feel guilty.
I've had my "if only" moments, but time has gone on, and there's no way to go back and change the past.
Instead, what I need to think about is learning from my mistakes and using that knowledge to live better in the present moment as well as in the future.
Absolutely! Learn from your mistakes and move on .... some were wonderful mistakes .... others not so much . Lol
You are on Chemotheraphy? Be strong... I can understand you... I have undergo it 3 years ago ... and just recently that I am feeling strong again... Best of luck for you everyday and every moment. Be strong!!!
Yes . I started recently. I have my good days and my not so good days. Thank you for the good wishes.
I read an old Chinese proverb once that went something like this..
A bit weird but I get it. I suppose you move a mountain one stone at a time. You sound as if you are strong willed person who gets down, yes your human, but bounces back with a bit of pep. Best wishes to you in your crusade!!
Lol I like that ... gets down, but bounces back with a bit of pep ... lol thanks ... I hope that’s true ... lol.
I have to say, I have always given the image of I don’t get down and I don’t get sad. Everyone around me thinks of me as this strong girl who can sometimes be a bitch ( it’s unfortunately that any girl who is successful is automatically a bitch... but that’s a story for another day ) ... I don’t let me guard down very often , and I give the image of having it all together , but I really rarely do. Sometimes I think I’m given too much credit. I do bounce back with a bit of pep .... and every once in a while I do get down and sad.....I was doing so well yesterday , until I can across a picture of the man I love with his new girl..... the girl that made it so easy for him to change his plans and not include me ... it is what it is .
The part that upsets me or makes me sad is that I know had we had the chance , had our circumstances been different , we would have spent a happy lifetime together.... but now I have to focus on having a happy lifetime without him... and maybe I’m better off without him..... better off focusing on my life now .... and who knows if things are meant to be ... maybe in 20 years when my kids are grown .... maybe we will cross paths again.... and if we don’t ... that’s ok too .