Parents are placed in dilemmas when their teenagers get into trouble...
In my professional job I have worked with many parents in emotional stress when their teenager's get into trouble. It is a most frustrating and upsetting time for mums and dads. Some of the time it was when their high school kids were on the road to expulsion. I did not have the power to change the decision; my job was a combined counselling one and finding a new school placement for these students. The parents were still coming to terms with their teenager's behaviour and asking shy. "This is not what they have taught their kids!"
They would never have believed their children would have done what they did!
So why do teenagers behave the way they do?
Firstly, no one behaves for no reason. Children, teenagers and adults behave to satisfy psychological needs related to love and belonging, fun, making choices/decisions and power. Relationships play a significant role in everyone's life; children and adults alike. Parents and teachers are significant influences in the lives and behaviour of younger children and pre-teenagers. It has been found that parents are the most influential. If the relationships are healthy and positive children will behave to please these adults, particularly their mums and dads.
During the years between 12 and 18 years the significant others in teenagers lives are more than likely to be their peers, their friends. Friendship becomes a priority with teenagers; they talk, party and share secrets with their friends. They tend to break rules and push boundaries. Due to clever technology social media is easily accessed by smartphones and iPads so teenagers are forever connected to their social world. It is a a fun filled world where teenagers meet all their psychological needs. However, they make choices to party that sometimes ends in trouble. This is the time they face consequences.
Yesterday a friend of mine, a single mother, recounted a story of her 14 year old getting into lots of trouble with partying. Unfortunately for Molly she drank too much alcohol and ended up sustaining a complex break in her right wrist. Her mother did not know that she was out partying because she snuck out of the house. My friend asked Why did Molly change her friendship group? And, said I would never have thought Molly would have behaved like this!
Some things do not change - parenting teenagers is no easy task.
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howdy again angiemitchell! no they can be a real challenge unless they're like me, all I did was stay home and work didn't even have friends. how bout you, were you wild? lol.
I had a bit of fun from 16 onwards @janton. No drinking in my day. But, I was also a student who studied.
howdy this fine Thursday angiemitchell! A bit of fun...I bet. you were probably a real hell-raiser! hahaha!
I do agree with what you're saying, but i think one big element which is easy to overlook if you're not a teenager your self is the influence of social media. I am 30 years old, and don't really know what's going on.My nieces came to stay with me for a few days this week who are 10, they we're watching things on youtube that made me raise an eyebrow. Nothing crazy but makeup tutorials, meme videos, and a lot of what i saw i wasnt happy about. So add on a few years, teenagers have laptops, smart phones, ipads, they are bombarded with information from across the globe about what other teens are doing for fun, hypersexualisation, ideals and standards of beauty. I actually watched a kids tv show with them, designed for their age group and it had 14 year olds in it who were clearly much older teens, fully dressed and dolled up like adults, partying, i thought to my self wow, how many parents actually pay attention or are even aware of what apps, games, tv shows their teens are watching and how this may be influencing them regardless of the parenting skills, they quite literally have the whole world in their hands and parents aren't the only people with significant influence on their kids anymore.
Thank you for this really long comment and you are absolutely right on all accounts. There are significant others influencing our teenagers and ones that parents have no idea of!
Angie, teenagers need a lot of guidance and, as you say, they should share a good relationship with their parents. -- Thanks for this interesting article.
Thanks for your comment, andI agree totally in sharing good relationships with parents. It means that both parties need to work at it.