What I Would Tell My Younger Self

I was recently asked what I would tell my younger self if I could go back in time to my late teens/early twenties. This is what I told her:

1. 99% of your fears are paper tigers. Strike a match.

I was filled with fears. Fear of the world, what my skin would do today, what did others think of me, did anyone even know I was alive? And a whole variety of free-floating inarticulate fears of what might or might not be. An army of fears fueled by a pervading sense of powerlessness. I’ve heard others wish they could go back to those years but I’ve never felt that way. I’ve never wanted to go back.

It would have helped so much to know that most others were just as afraid as I was – some even more so. I had such an unrealistic belief about the others around me. I was convinced others were not afraid. I thought others knew what they were doing. That’s what fear did to me. It isolated me.

2. You were not God’s afterthought.
You are priceless and unique – a gift to the world. No one else will ever see the world as you will see it. No one else will express themselves quite the way you will.

3. Ask for help.
I did not know how to ask for help. I did not know how to open up to others. I carried so much shame that was not mine to carry. Unhappy homes foster that in children. I had been programmed to feel guilty for pretty much everything. I had not learned to trust. I still struggle with trust.

To share this openly with the world tells me that I have come a long way from the young woman I once was. I grew up in a house of secrets. Secrets kill. Secrets kill hopes, dreams and steal years from lives. I know they did that to mine.

If I could go back further and talk to myself at, say, age 8, I would tell myself that I am loved. I would tell myself there are safe people to talk to and that it’s not my job to cover for my parent’s drinking. I don’t know if that would have helped or not but it’s nice to tell that to my inner child now. Of course, she has the adult me as protection. She didn’t have that back then.

There weren’t child protection agencies then. It was a different world than the world we live in today. In some ways it was better then and in other ways, not so much.

If you could go back, what would you say to your younger self? Why? At what age?