ADSactly Life - The Greatest Lesson in Brotherhood
The Greatest Lesson in Brotherhood
.jpeg)
These days, people often ask me how I get into heated arguments with family and friends, and five minutes later be calm again. They ask me how I don't hold any grudges or how do I let go of the negative emotions so quickly. They ask me how do I act like nothing is wrong when four minutes earlier, I was the angriest person in the room. They'll ask questions like, "Was it through meditation?" or "Did you learn some secret when you were a monk years ago?" The answer to those questions is simpler than what everyone thinks but is more complex in terms of fate, time and emotions.
.jpeg)
I wasn't always this forgiving and forgetting. I had a really rough childhood and a very great one at the same time. The rough part was me putting my parents through unimaginable heartache (which I've made up for since) so at 13 years old, I was already living house to house with friends. The very great part of this time in my life was that I always had loving friends and their loving parents who let me live with their families. I was raised by twelve families in total and my parents always gave me unconditional love despite my self-destructive behavior as a teen. In truth, I was an irascible child and teen but at that time, ego wasn't a big problem yet. It was just the anger and it was mostly triggered when I lost at something.
Fate & Emotions
.jpeg)
It was two weeks after the 1994 Northridge, CA earthquake and my 9th-grade class finally resumed from being closed. That year I was dating the hottest girl in school (we'll call her D for this post) named D. She was probably my first real girlfriend and I was head over heels in puppy love with her (like every 15 year old and their first). Somehow, I managed to heavily argue with her (anger issues) during the 2-week break and we had broken up. I was in a sad and embarrassed mood that made me feel like the entire school was talking about me.
I was on the basketball team with some of my best friends I have today, and we had a basketball game with one of our three rival schools close to season's end. Remember, we had been closed for about 2 weeks so this was a very important game for both, us and the other school. Close to the last class of the day, one of my classmates in my history class told me he saw one of my best friends Chad (who was on the team with me) drinking with some girls who brought some Boone's Farm wine to school. After class, I hurried to his locker to ask him why he was drinking on the day of a very important game.
.jpeg)
As I was walking to Chad's locker, there were other students wishing me luck with the game and giving me high fives. I turned the corner close to Chad's locker and to my surprise, he was standing there flirting with D (who I just broke up with). As one can imagine a boy that age with anger issues, I quickly approached both of them and had some heated verbal exchanges with both. D stormed off as Chad and I stood there arguing with one another. In that heated exchange, I knew he wasn't getting on the bus to go to our game. At this point, we were both angrily yelling at each other. I started to walk away to board our bus, turned to Chad and said, "Don't ever talk to me again, I hate you, muthafu00er!"
The Love Between Two Brothers
.jpeg)
Despite that heated exchange, I had a marvelous game. Chad was one of the starters on our basketball team playing power forward. His size, speed, and athleticism left no doubt in my mind (all of our minds) that he would get an American football scholarship to a university as a linebacker or halfback.
During his absence, our 2-guard (shooting guard) had to play small forward and I got the opportunity to start at 2-guard. I scored 14 points with 4 assists and 5 rebounds that game. I had a brilliant game where everything seemed to fit and all the players seemed to be in the right place when I needed them. We won that game by a blowout, where the score wasn't even close. Our normal shooting guard starter, even made a half court 3-pointer at halftime which drove the crowd into a frenzy.
.jpeg)
After the game, we were all celebrating with the parents & crowd from school because the win had put us in the playoffs. At that moment, everything in the world seemed perfect and it seemed like nothing could ruin that perfect moment for us as a team. If we were old enough to drink Champagne in public like the pros, we probably would have popped a few bottles. Everyone was jumping up and down with some screaming at the top of their lungs. It was a moment in time and teamwork I will never forget.
During this marvelous celebration of victory, our coach started pulling us one by one to reassemble as a team underneath one of the hoops. As I walked over with the team, we were all wondering why Coach Chris was the only one not smiling and in a bright mood. Afterall, we had just made the playoffs with that win.
As we reassembled, Coach Chris told us to take a knee in a very soft voice and had a broken look on his face. Our star player Mel asked, "What's wrong coach? We won right?" There was a moment there, where it seemed like Coach Chris zoned out and when he spoke he said, "My boys. I love you all. You are all my boys." At that moment our principal walked over and put his hand on Coach Chris' shoulder.
.jpeg)
Principle Gaudioso was always a stern but soft-spoken man filled with kindness and compassion. Though soft-spoken, we never saw or felt a soft bone in his body until that day. Principle Gaudioso's eyes teared up and he said to us, "I felt I should be the one to tell you boys this." He paused for a long moment as if trying to find the correct words. He continued, "After he didn't board our team bus, Chad got into a fight with another kid and got stabbed in his heart. I'm so sorry boys, he didn't make it." Those last words of his kept ringing in my ears, "...he didn't make it."
The Greatest Lesson in the Word Hate
.jpeg)
I can still feel the pain, sadness, and confusion as I recall these memories. I'm extremely grateful I'm writing this because Chad taught me how to love with all of my heart from that day on and how to let things go. I blamed myself because the very last thing I said to my brother was, "Don't ever talk to me again, I hate you, muthafu00er!" Let me repeat that. The last thing I got to say to my brother who I loved more than anything was, "Don't ever talk to me again, I hate you, muthafu00er!" My heart bled for years after because of that and I ask that none of you put yourself through the same pain & turmoil.
From one of the families that raised me, my Momma Melody always taught me to never leave a loved one angry, because you may never see them again. When that lesson came around for me, I had said the worst thing to my brother that I can never take back. I never got the chance to tell Chad how much I loved and still love him or tell him how grateful I am that he's my brother. He's still my brother to this day.
.jpeg)
For all you young people out there, I hope my greatest lesson in brotherhood, love and the word hate, helps you let things go. For me, since that period in my life, I've let things go within 5 minutes because Chad taught me how self-destructive anger is. Tomorrow is never promised and none of us should take each minute for granted cause our time is borrowed. Life is shorter than you think and we all should understand that we are getting the opportunity to love the people around us. As for me, I know I will one day get the chance to tell my brother from another mother (in this life), how much I appreciated his love and brotherhood.
.jpeg)
I love you Chad Patrick Hubbard, no matter where you're currently waiting for me.
Authored by:
@stewsak
Click on the coin to join our Discord Chat
Witness proposal is here:
Go To Steem Witness Page
In the bottom of the page type: adsactly-witness and press vote.
Use small letters and no "@" sign. Or, click here to vote directly!
Thank you!
Oh man. That'll leave a mark. What a compelling story. Thank you for sharing it us, that is amazing all by itself.
It's been a long strange journey for me. Nothing fast, ever. It wasn't that I didn't search, I was just too ignorant to see the answers when they were always right in front of me.
I sobered up 28 years ago. It took a pretty fair fraction of those 28 years to understand that anger is a primary emotion, but I have control over my reaction to that anger.
The really good news? I've lived long enough to be able to tell most of those brothers that I loved them then and love them still. It's a huge peace in my life.
I have found that it's not the things I don't know that bite me on the ass. It's the things I know that are wrong.
Thanks, again, for sharing this. It's just compelling testimony to the basic human spirit that lives in us all. That is important.
That's really awesome to hear you've found peace in your life through those closest to you. I suppose it's another part of the journey in helping the younger generation find theirs too. I spent years also stilling and controlling my anger and frustrations. Glad we're both still here to type to each other about it :) Hope you have a remarkable weekend Tom.
"Experiences are meant to be shared and I hope my greatest one helps..."
Wishing you the best, @stewsak
This is my contribution about brotherhood..
Among the numerous objectives of the Universal Brotherhood is the foundation of Tolerance, Truth, and Peace, while perceiving that the fact of the matter isn't something restrictive yet that each way, religion, logic, culture has a piece of reality. Its goal is to unite science, craftsmanship and religion, with the end goal of scholarly change and in addition otherworldly instruction @adsactly.
The Universal's Brotherhood will likely join individuals who wish to work towards the amazing quality of the soul, paying little respect to conviction, nationality, sexual orientation and monetary status. This association is non partisan and gives classes, addresses, and workshops in regards to all the distinctive ways, religions, methods of insight and societies fair-mindedly with inclination towards none @adsactly.
Thanks a million!
"Experiences are meant to be shared and I hope my greatest one helps..."
Wishing you the best, @stewsak
I think that this is universal Truth and I realize that brotherhood is the best process of big community.thats a great thinking @adsactly..
The Universal Great Brotherhood is a social, non legislative, non religious, non benefit, non partisan association. This association was established in Caracas, Venezuela by Serge Raynaud de la Ferriere and enlisted with the United Nations DPI (Department of Public Information) in 1949 in Algiers, Africa. The Universal Brotherhood was given unique accreditation for 2000 by the NGO branch of the United Nations Department of Economic and Social Affairs. As per that division, extraordinary consultative status is allowed to NGOs which have an uncommon capability in, and are concerned particularly with, just a couple of the fields of action secured by the ECOSOC..
So keep it up and I appreciate your post..
@adsactly I will wait for your next post..
Thanks a billion!
"Experiences are meant to be shared and I hope my greatest one helps..."
Wishing you the best, @stewsak
It is amazing............absolutely amazing to see what people can accomplish over their lifetime, if they dedicate it to something. As I read about the Phelps family and their history I wondered about their patriarch. The senior Phelps went their with nothing more than an idea in his heart and changed the life of the area.
Many people have changed the life of others but I am talking about changing the life for the better. It is amazing to see how he built his base their and literally made an empire out of it. What's more is the fact that he did not just for the worldly wealth. His contributions that were carried by his son and daughter in law will remain their as a beacon of learning in their field for a long time to come.
PS: I have seen something similar in India as the Conuco agricultural practice from Latin America. It's amazing to see how different civilizations arrive at the same conclusions through different practices (if they are agricultural strategies)
lol I would aske the “why do you think it’s that difficult not to hold grudge, or not to be angry anymore?” As you mentioned, the answer is much more simpler.
😮 Can I ask where did you live at that time? I guess California right? Anyway, I’m very quiet now as well, no conflicts, no fights, no drinks, just simple quiet life without anger. However, just like you, I was a complete opposite in my childhood. Friends, drinks, fights, but fortunately thank God no drugs, no cigarettes nothing like that at all. I played different kind of sports as well and when I was 15, I met my true love at that time just like you did. We stayed together a bit longer for three years and then we broke up.
Congratulation! You did great!
😞 I literally had tear in my eye when I read about Chad getting killed. I’m sure you didn’t mean what you said to Chad at that time. It was in anger and we usually don’t mean it. He knew and he knows up there you loved him and you still do.
I suppose life works out like that sometimes right? Going through the rough stuff early and figuring it out later. Yes I'm a Cali boy and that era in Cali was kinda of crazy, after Reaganomics, LOL. Thanks for coming by and have an awesome weekend :)
"Experiences are meant to be shared and I hope my greatest one helps..."
Wishing you the best, @stewsak
@stewak so heartening to read to whole story. Certain things happen for reason on which we do not have any control. I am sorry for chad loss, but also felt good that it takes the human out of you. In India, here we use to say that goddess saraswati comes to our throat twice in a day and if anything spill at that time it happen in reality. Though such saying was meant not to speak any foul or bad things about other but in practical we do lose control on getting angry and we do bot have control over mind and heart. We do not intend to do something wrong but it hapens unintentionally.
Glad to see the loss sgow you the brighter side of yours and you would not be what you are today.
RIP chad....👍
I look forward to going to India one day and learning many more lesson. I super appreciate you coming by and hope you have an excellent weekend.
"Experiences are meant to be shared and I hope my greatest one helps..."
Wishing you the best, @stewsak
Do visit..to see a different world alltogether
Really your article touch my heart ♥ my friend.
Really happy you like the post and have a great weekend.
"Experiences are meant to be shared and I hope my greatest one helps..."
Wishing you the best, @stewsak
Nice content brother. I hope you will grow more than others.
Very nice article and you are very right in my observation i found that one of the reason is stress, frustration and workload of the work or job. Or with some people like we are having so much responsibility and we are not achieving that the expected level so we get frustrated.
Very nice post i really appreciate your work of 2-3 hours for this well researched and well written article.
Yes, controlling our emotions can sometimes be hard. Thanks for coming by and hope you have a great weekend.
"Experiences are meant to be shared and I hope my greatest one helps..."
Wishing you the best, @stewsak
i totally agree with you experience and emotions must be shared with our loved one or close friends and if it's not shared it will kill us from inside thanks for sharing it will definitely help me and other @stewsak stay happy and stay blessed
I say dont interfere in any others life be yourself is the only way to to not get caught in argument
Posted using Partiko Android
Great words to live by!
"Experiences are meant to be shared and I hope my greatest one helps..."
Wishing you the best, @stewsak