Sailing away from unrealistic expectations
Life is like an onion with its own layers of difficulties. Every layer peeled out indefinitely leads us
to more deeper layers encapsulated with challenging circumstances and unpredictable situations.
Not to forget the countless tears shed with every layer unveiled.
The maze of unrealistic expectations begin to unravel when we mostly move out of our comfort
zone and go an extra mile ahead for others. It may be simply to gain validation or just to earn their
contentment. If the outcome benefits us then we may rethink about walking those extra steps
ahead again. Otherwise, the threads of expectations may get tangled with one another leading
to weeks full of apprehension.
Why can’t they do such a little thing?
I had done my best in getting everything done. But still they didn’t bother?
Even a thank you would make my day….
When such questions start boggling our mind, the seeds of obscurity sprout and the roots of self-doubt bury deep in our mind and soul. We reach to an extent, totally unaware that in the process of seeking validation and impressing others, we are unknowingly harming ourselves by expecting in return.
My first day of redemption was when I could finally draw a thin line between what I expected from myself versus what I expected from others. It became imperative to separate the two things distinctly.
Although my expectations were neat and edgy. I easily learnt to move out, knew where to stop and said no when unavailable. But, I was paying a heavier price on the other side of the balance - expecting from others. It wrecked me emotionally and cost me my peace of mind.
Until, a realisation dawned upon me-
People expect from you only when you deliver. The problem arises when expectations reach beyond what’s reasonable and rational. Expectations are like an elastic band - Bending yourself to adjust to others needs or stretching beyond need to fulfill others requirements will only break you after a certain point.
I pondered deeply, thought explicitly for several days until I came up with a list of free sailing mantras to deal with unrealistic expectations. They helped me find a happy spot amidst all the chaos:
Learn to say “NO”- Do not be afraid to say, “I won’t be able to make it” and don’t feel compelled to give an explanation. Set your boundaries from day one. I realized it a little too late and by then, a no from me would create waves of shock and amazement as it wasn’t expected from me.
Reach out for help- If you need help, ask for it. Don’t hesitate to look up to others in times of need. You may need help of any sort—physical, mental, emotional, or spiritual. No, asking help doesn’t make you weaker or less capable than others.
Be mindful of your own needs- The most significant lesson I learned was to be mindful of my own needs and more importantly, being vocal about it. I learned not to apologize so frequently to myself and accept things as part of destiny rather than crying over spilt milk.
Be thick-skinned - Stop taking every eye roll and snide to heart. Don’t squander away your time by thinking repeatedly about how people reacted or didn’t respond adequately. Why should it ever affect you as long as you are doing the right thing?
Be proud of yourself- I started to reward myself for every little accomplishment that I gained. On days when I felt low and incomplete, my little accomplishments instilled in me a sense of pride and encouragement.
Pick your battles wisely- As it is said—you have to let go of some battles to win a war. Focusing on the finale is more important. Know that what is meant for you will never miss you and what misses you was never really meant for you.
Know your business- I constantly keep reminding myself that I am not responsible for what others think of me - that’s not my business. My task is to focus on my betterment. My happiness is based on my gains. It is my responsibility and no one owes me anything.
Be honest - How many times do we end up doing something (even if we didn’t want to) just for seeking appreciation? Being brutally honest incorporated a sense of empowerment and satisfaction within myself.
Embrace positive affirmations - Whenever the seeds of self-doubt and obscurity begin to sprout, I uproot it and instead surround myself with positivity.
Identify success - Meeting every unrealistic expectation or earning heaps of praise is not success. Define success in your own terms. At times, it might just come down to surviving the day and that is totally fine.
My mantras healed me and helped me initiate a phase of mindful healing.
I have the power to refine, redeem and reveal. So do you! Grab this opportunity to outline your shortcomings. Let there not be another day dictated by others or lived for others. Every morning,“I strive to be kinder to myself, love myself a little more, and forgive myself even more.”
Seize the day!