yolo # 4 : Discovery of the Family

When is the hardest time for a person?
When I couldn't go to the university I wanted? When you're rejected by someone you love? When you get scolded by your boss? All the previous moments are hard moments, but the hardest time may be when I was hurt by my family.

In fact, memories of wounds themselves do not bother us. But pain comes when no one sympathizes with the wound. In addition, if the family who sees the wound closest to me hurts more than sympathizes with my pain, the pain comes to my stomach.

Then, why do families hurt each other?
First of all, the family is a living organism. Family is the minimum unit of society. Like a molecule. Just as an atom belonging to a molecule can no longer have its true shape, the family is constantly interacting and balancing, not being independent, and if one of them has an abnormality, the family is in danger.

The next reason is that each other projects shadows on each other. Especially if you look at the problems that arise between parents and children, they are the cause of most of the problems. "A child can live by accepting wishes and desires that his parents have not achieved," Hellinger said. Whether parents want it or not, their children are unconsciously affected by the dark side of their parents. It means the same thing as "son looks like father, daughter looks like mother." In particular, if you look at families suffering from domestic violence, most of them project what they have been subjected to by their parents to their children.

The last reason is that it is difficult to grasp the reality of the pain. While living in society, you become enemies by creating conflicts and hostile relationships with someone, and you can clearly see the reality of the pain you suffer from him. These people may not suffer if I delete them from my life. But the family is different. As if the reason for the stomachache is indigestion, it is difficult to know exactly as if it is a big disease and cannot distinguish recognition with the naked eye, and as if it hurts, it is impossible to remove all the organs from the body, it is necessary to endure the pain.

Family wounds are not completely cured. Even if treated, signs of injury remain. However, family relationships can be restored just as bones become thicker and stronger in the process of breaking and reattaching bones. The cause is the lack of empathy for each other's feelings. If you think about each other's perspectives first, they may not hurt you and are quick to recover. Just by showing interest in each other and knowing if they are abnormal, the family can be a minimum shelter for each other.