Oh, this is absolutely brilliant, I quite love it.
and the
"Moreover, you have instilled your fake news at the core of the Internet.

National Geographic, Disney, the California Academy of Sciences, the United States Armed Forces, the New York Times, Science Magazine, YouTube, and such august institutions have all bought into your scam. They, too, feature elephant seals on their sites and claim these blubborious beasts do exist. Even they should know that seals are two-dimensionally flat, but they persist in this “seals are round” mythology just because the beasts (if they really do exist) must be covered in blubber to survive the cold ocean temperatures."
Wow, this is taking conspiracy... err, sorry, prospiracy theories to a whole new level. Credit to you Monsieur @prospiracy, credit to you. I tip my hat.

taken from giphy.com, used with permission