Parenting ... and sharing your little

When your a parent or step parent and are divorced or not together, you have to share time with the other parents. It can be hard when you are the parent the whole time. You are the one that has to get them ready for school or an event. You give all your time, molding this little human being and then you have to give the other parent time with the child you spend everyday with and it can be hard.

This is my little. She is brilliant and outgoing. Her mother and I have worked very hard to provide her with what she needs. Plus we usually try to get her things she doesn't need. We have told her since she was little that education is extremely important. We have worked to make sure that she has every opportunity to succeed. We have moved a lot because we want to find the best school for her education. We have found a school that actually challenges her mind. Why am I telling you this? I am letting you get a picture of what we do for our little. I am sure you make the same sacrifices. I am giving this bit of information because I am explaining some of the things that we do for our child but we have been questioned through out by the other parent.

The littles dad is what I call a sometime dad because he only wants to be dad when it's convenient for him. I do not dislike or like her father but I do not like the way she has been done. She wants a relationship with her father and I understand that, but he doesn't see how some of his choices affect her. Like I have said before he is only involved part time. We give him oppurtunity after oppurtunity to be the father the little wants and lets be honest needs. Every child that knows they have a dad needs a dad. I know that I owe my life to my dad he made sacrifices for my siblings and myself, that I am only now starting to realize. But back to the little, we have started about 3 years back letting the little go to her grandmothers on her fathers side. That is because we have established a trust with her. She has been involved with the little and has been there. Why this only started 3 years ago is because there was issues before then. Those issues have been resolved and like i said we have developed a trust. But as you can see we let her go to her grandmothers. I say that because he doesn't ask to get her but his mother does. We allow her to go out of state for a month in the summer and usually for half of her breaks. We have discussed letting her go for half the summer which is only like 2 more weeks then what she already goes. When she is up there she sees her father and we are happy that he sees her then. But when he sees her, he usually fills her head with things that are not true and we deal with the back lash. I am not trying to bash her dad but I have to let you see what happens from our point of view.

When I think about summer approaching I think about how a piece of me will be missing. Yes, it is a break but we will miss her more then anything. We may have our little spats but when it comes down to it, I would do anything for my little. She is our everything, she makes the day brighter when we see her. So her being gone for a whole month may not seem like a long time but it feels like forever. We try to make ourselves busy with other things but when we come home and shes not there it is a feeling of emptiness. Which I always ask myself does the littles father even have these feelings? I mean when she is gone we call her every night or at least every other night. When we have her he calls maybe once or twice a year. It is hard for us when she is gone but we make that sacrifice to make her happy because our goal is for her to be happy and healthy.

These two are my life. They make my world spin. As you can see in the picture my wife and little are extremely close. My wife has been there for our little since day one. She has put her at the top of her list since the day she was born. If you take my wife's phone you will find thousands of pictures of the little. Why, because that is her baby and she is proud of her baby. She is a mom everyday, every hour, minute and second. There isn't a time when she isn't thinking of her baby. This is because in my opinion she is an amazing mother. If you were to ask my wife what shes doing while the littles gone she will tell you missing her and working. Yes we will spend time together but that doesnt mean she isn't missing the little. She is not looking forward to her being gone but she also knows that the little wants time with her dad. She will not stand in the way of her happiness. My wife has been through a lot when it comes to the little. She has been told she is a bad mother and doesn't care about the little. Why she has been told this is because she thinks of the littles best interest. When the little was really young, she moved closer to the littles dad so that he could be a dad but instead of doing that he would send her to his mothers when he was suppose to be spending time with her. My wife even made the sacrifice of living with the littles dad so he could have her when ever he wanted and still he was to busy to spend time with his daughter and my wife would clean and cook for him and his father. How was she repaid, by being called names and treated like crap. But she kept staying and trying to give him that chance. She finally had, had enough and she said if you want to not spend time with our daughter and want to treat me like crap then I am moving back with my family. He did not care so she moved back here to raise her baby. She has been a strong mother and role model for the little. My wife does everything for the little and is still told she isn't doing enough. I hate hearing what is said to her because it makes me angry and makes me want to punch people in the mouth. Yes I know that violent but thats how it makes me feel. I usually just let it be and let her handle it because she is calmer and handles it better then I do. She is calmer about those things. But I do not allow anyone to run their mouth about my wife. My wife and I stand by each other through thick and thin. We have dealt with more then we ever should have.

With the little we know that when she is gone she gets to rule the roost. She knows when she is at her other familys she makes the rules and they follow them. So when she returns it's always a battle to get her out of that state of mind. The littles other family does not believe in discipline. They believe she should be able to do, say and behave however she wants. When she is home she knows thats not how it works. We have rules, not a lot, but the ones we do have we expect them not to be broken. We have been told that we are to strict and we need to ease up. We usually tell people we are not strict we just expect a level of respect and behavior. Usually we only have to give her a warning because she knows that we do not tolerate rude or hateful behavior. We also consider that she is getting to that age where she is gonna start being more rebellious. We still have a couple years but we know that it's coming and she is testing the waters to see what she will be able to get away with. We are very consistent and we do not allow rude or hateful behavior and she knows that. When she goes to school we always get reports of how wonderful and respectful she is. That gives us that reassurance that we are doing everything right. We make mistakes but we learn from our mistakes. Why I am talking about it is because I am showing a picture of the discipline aspect of what we get and we do leading up to her being away and when she gets back.

My little is a strong and very independent girl. I know you probably think, your her step mom thats what you have to say. No I do not. I say these thing because its true. Why does it matter? It matters because she feels that her dad is not spending very much time with her. She is strong but she is still a little girl. Her dad has a new girlfriend and a little girl. She told us that she didn't understand why he gives all his attention to this other little girl and no attention to her. This will be the first vacation up there where he's been with this girl and her child for a year. We worry that he won't come see her or talk to her. She will be very heartbroken and we don't want her to be devastated. It worries us alot but we can only see how it goes. We hope he still spends time with her.

Thats all for today. If you have any comments or concerns about it please leave a comment. If you have had similar experiences please let me know how you have handled it.