Joke 1

Love is a verb

Original post: http://bit.ly/2FtgxWO

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Joke 2

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

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Joke 3

Two political candidates were having a hot debate.

Finally, one of them jumped up and yelled at the other, "What about the powerful interest that controls you?"

And the other guy screamed back, "You leave my wife out of this!"

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Joke 4

Q: What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?
A: Big holes all over Australia!

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Joke 5

"I want to be a tightrope walker. What equipment do I need?" asked a prospective circus employee.

"Very flexible shoes, two towers, a wire, a pole and a bank book." responded the ringmaster.

"I understand the shoes, towers, wire and pole, but what's the bank book for?" inquired the man.

"To check your balance, of course."

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Joke 6

A well-dressed business man was walking down the street when Little Johnny, covered in soot said to him respectfully, "Sir, can you tell me the time?"

The portly man stopped, carefully unbuttoned his coat and jacket, removed a large watch from a vest pocket, looked at it and said, "It is a quarter to three, young man."

"Thanks," said Johnny. "At exactly three o'clock you can kiss my ass."

With that, the kid took off running, and with an angry cry, the outraged businessman started chasing him. He has not been running long when an old friend stopped him. "Why are you running like this at your age?" asked the friend.

Gasping and almost incoherent with fury, the business man said, "That little brat asked me the time and when I told him it was quarter to three he told me that at exactly three, I should kiss his ass!"

"So what's your hurry?" said the friend. "You still have ten minutes."

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Joke 7

Little Johnny and his grandmother were shopping in a department store.

Little Johnny wanted to go to the toy department, but grandmother said that they had to stop in the ladies clothing department first.

Little Johnny obviously couldn't wait that long, and the next time his grandmother turned around he was gone. She panicked and looked everywhere for him, but he had disappeared.

Finally she went to the customer service desk, intending to have them announce his name over the PA system. To her relief he was already there waiting for her.

The woman at the desk said, "He wanted us to announce your name over the PA system, but he didn't' know what your name was. We asked him what his daddy called you, and he replied 'mom', next we asked him what Grandpa called you and he replied 'sugar'.

We were almost out of questions for him when another lady suggested that your daughter-in-law might call you by your first name.

We were so happy to see you show up at the desk," she continued, "because when we asked him what his mommy called you, we were out of ideas!"

"Well," asked Little Johnny's grandmother curiously, "What did he say?"

"He said," she replied, "that his mother called you' A Bitch'!"

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Joke 8

Q: Which runs faster, hot or cold water?
A: Hot, because you can catch cold.

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Joy

Original post: http://bit.ly/2FtR5jT

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