Looking for a Job!, but who am i?

slossiegogem (48)in #jobless • 8 years ago

Second Time jobless.

It is the second time i became jobless because i didn't think but just act. The first time i worked at a audio distribution company as a marketing and sales guy. Did nice trips around the world for meetings and drove around in my country to sell and promote. My character is very creative, out of the box thinking and very curios. The job was very nice to do but i could not get satisfied, it still was all about money making and selling stuff. (not that creative)

So i started thinking about whats next. Within a few days i remembered a ex friend of my aunt who lived in Bonaire, small island in the Caribbean sea. He was kind as far as i could remember, i knew him when i was like 8 years old. this all was happening when i was 30 years old. So i facebooked him ask if i could come by for a while. He said yes of course.

So within a 1 week i decided to go to my employer ask for legal quit so i could get some support. He approved and so within 2 weeks i was landed on the island. i stayed there for about 3 month and came back home.

Jobless of course.

My journey for a new job with meaning was started. At bonaire i learned much about myself, and mostly i learned that i dont really know anything about myself and what i am really capable of. This scared me because i know i want answers and this will take up a lot of time to find out. Started meditating, did ayahuasca ceremonies, smoke weed. I really tried all the "more special" ways of getting the answers. There was a lot i have learned this way, but yet again all that knowledge brought even more questions, and mostly questions that where a lot deeper then those before that.

Still i need money to support my self and so i started out building furniture with a friend for all kinds of cafe's and restaurants. It was nice but still it was not contributing to something more then this so called "society" we live in. Within a year i could not do it anymore and started looking for a more suitable job. After a few small jobs and 2 years later, i could not do any of them anymore, they where so pointless.

Back again, jobless..

So what now. I am pretty spiritual and would like to be something like a shamanic healer or a lichtbender maby even something more meaning, but i might not know yet what that is.

The whole point i try to make, is that i kinda know what i want, but don't really know what i can do. Every job i had was easy to do, mostly i was one of the fastest workers around. Explaining was almost not necessary. But the biggest problem with me is also, if i don't like it anymore, i just can't bring up the efforts to do it. Then i quit again, or if i feel i don't learn anything anymore, i quit.