SHE DIED, BUT SHE KEPT COMING TO ME (SWC)

I haven't talked about this with anyone other than my mother, this is a true life story, this is the experience that made me truly believe that there's more to life than what the eyes can see.

It was a school day, I came to school as usual and I saw a senior friend of mine Kate standing outside my class. I smiled at her but she looked sad as she hugged me and asked me if i'd heard, I asked her what she was talking about and what I heard her say is Mrs Sandra is dead. I gasped and walked into my classroom to drop my bag in my chair turning around I said to her "Oh my God I knew something was wrong, I heard Precy talking about seeing her cough up blood in the library the two days ago, it's so sad!" she looked at me confused and said "Josephine she hasn't been in school for weeks now" "what do you mean?" I asked her  "who are you talking about"? "Mrs Sarah" she said and immediately my heart broke, I was so shocked, I just stood there and stared at her, my eyes began to swell with tears and they started to spill down my face. Kate hugged me tight and told me to try not to cry. "It can't be, I know she was in an accident but she was responding to treatment, mum spoke to her a few days ago and she even laughed on the phone, this can't be happening!" I cried. Kate kept holding me and just then the bell went off for morning assembly and we all had to go downstairs to the field. She walked with me till she had to go join her own class line. Almost everyone else was in tears, Mrs Sarah was a very nice woman, and very popular among the children because of her listening ears and her kindness and so the news of her death was devastating. Everywhere you looked there was a kid in tears. The assembly took place and finally the school principal made the official announcement of the death of Mrs Sarah and that was when it got very real.

 I had known this woman since I was a child, she was friends with my mother and my guardian at school. She was very close to my family and she would always check up on me at school most days. Her death hit me really hard, I was 12 years old and it was the first time I had lost someone that close to me. A minute of silence was offered for her and assembly was dismissed  after we were told there would be a service for her later in the day which happened. I cried all day, I could not eat. This was the day I finally understood what death really was it was so shocking. When I arrived home I ran to my mum and told her of the news, she sighed and told me she had heard of it the night before. 

That night I couldn't sleep in my room, everything felt weird, I kept feeling her presence around and it got so scary I had to go to sleep in my mum's room. Mum ended up falling asleep before me and every time I closed my eyes to sleep it felt like she was there watching me. When I finally fell asleep I dreamed of her. We had been at school, I saw her standing close to the principal's office so I ran to her shouting her name. I usually call her "aunty me" when she saw me running towards her calling her she laughed and opened her arms to hug me but suddenly she hit my hand instead and that was the moment where I remembered she was dead and it was probably a dream. I looked at her and started walking backwards really fast and she came at me but we began to wrestle as I remembered to call the name "Jesus" and she fell to the ground. I woke up so afraid and as i opened my eyes I saw something that looked like an image of her standing at the foot of the bed I had to wake mum up quickly telling her the dream and that I couldn't sleep because I still felt her presence in the room. We prayed and she put an arm around me which helped me go back to sleep although I woke up a few minutes later and couldn't sleep anymore. 

The next few days were the most gloomy days I had ever had, school was gloomy and so was the house. I cried so many times, my heart was broken. Often times I still thought I saw images of her here and there, and I was so afraid I could not even shower by myself.  I saw her in my dreams almost every night but in these dreams she'd just be sitting somewhere staring at me or standing somewhere watching me or following me and every time I saw her i'd run. I began to wonder "why me?" It felt like in the movies when a ghost haunted people. She was one of my favorite people before she died and she was very kind and always happy to see me. I began wondering why it all felt scary, why her presence didn't bring me peace but fear. Mum and everyone else was sleeping well and seemed to be handling it all very well so why me? 

The funeral was going to take place back in her hometown which is a different country from where we lived and mum planned on going before she got sick and dad advised her not to. I spoke to mum telling her that I hated the way everything was feeling and why if anyone was to see her ghost it had to be me. Mum then told me that at about the period when she had me (when I was born) Mrs Sarah also had her own child, a baby girl too. We were born just days apart but her child got sick and died after a few months and when that happened Mrs Sarah was devastated. She always told mum about how me and her daughter would have been friends and the same age and class if her child hadn't died. Mum said Mrs Sarah would cry when it was my birthday and mum would throw a little party for me and my classmates and this was the reason she stopped having parties at school for my birthday. I remember wondering why she I wasn't getting birthday parties like the other kids, I also realized she had been closer to me than my other siblings and thinking about it i realized she had taken me as her own child. Mum said it could've been the emotional attachment to me that she felt that kept her coming to me. Mum told me that she had seen her once too in a dream telling her that it was okay if she couldn't go to the funeral and that she understands.

I kept seeing Mrs Sarah less and less in my dreams until it stopped but every few months since then or even once a year i'd see her in my dreams and everyone of those times it always felt like a nightmare, so I keep asking myself "if it was love she felt for me why then do I not feel peace but rather fear when I see her in my dreams?" This question continues to plague me. I haven't seen her in a long time and writing this story brings back so many memories but I've decided to only remember her by the good times we shared while she was alive.

 I began praying more, I began to understand more about spiritual things and that there are lots of things happening in our world that are real even though most of us may not see them physically.

I'm thankful to @jerrybanfield for the opportunity to tell this story, I was always so scared to talk about this fearing that if I did i might just dream about her again so when ever she crossed my mind i was quick to think of something new, but i'm glad writing this today has made me let it all out and hopefully I start to feel better about everything.

Please note that the names in this story were changed to avoid any problems her family might have with me telling it. Thanks for reading.

May her soul Rest in Peace.