Tim Tonic | (de)constructing my identity

Writing an introduction post makes you think about identities and about how we think about identities.

How do we construct identities?

I could start by telling you

• how old I am (31, according to my birth certificate, but do I really feel this way? No? (how do you even know how your supposed to feel at a certain age??) And do I look this way? Nope... (always very confusing. Both for me and to other people XD))
• my gender (born as a woman, transitioned to a more masculine body, but identify as genderqueer, confused yet? Oh, I also do drag, yes ^^)
• my sexuality (pansexual, polyamorous and kinky, what's not to love <3 no to me it's not complex, try living as a monogamous cisgendered hetero women when you're instead a genderqueer poly pansexual butterfly XD now that's complex.)
• where I live (Rotterdam NL, but on the verge of moving to Berlin, and next few weeks living as a nomad amongst friends and lovers, still in NL)
• what I do for a living (just quit my job in a bakery, making sandwiches, and aspiring fetish model/kinky performer (amongst many other things))
• what my hobbies are (do my relationships and sexy/kinky adventures count as hobbies?? And if so, why should/did I feel ashamed of talking about this?)
• what my eating preferences are (vegan, no refined sugar, no alcohol (yes to tripping though <3), gluten-free. No it's not hard, yes I still can still eat a lot!)

and I could continue this list by adding more stuff.

I could tell you what music I like to hear, what books inspire me, etc etc.

But then, would you really know me?
What do all these things say about me. If there even is such a thing.

Because what I've learned most during my transition (ftm), it's that my identity was a construct. And I took it apart. And I loved every second of it. Even though it was a hard and sometimes painful process. I've grieved my own death serval times (will write more about this later, but for now think about the image of a fenix), and it took a lot of energy, therapy, rituals and effort to come this far.

By letting go the construct of an identity, I've gained complete freedom. And by doing so, I'm now able to follow my dreams <3

So instead of telling you who I am, I'd rather tell you what I'm going to do :)

BERLIN
I've decided to follow my dreams and move to Berlin to become a fetish model <3. I will probably talk a lot about this in my posts the next few weeks, as I'm in the middle of everything and learning so much about myself in the process.

Main goal/intention is to reset myself (the how and why I'll discuss in later posts) and to jump right into it. So as a close friend of mine said: my plan is to not have a plan.

For now I leave it at this. Because a) I don't want to give everything away just yet :p and b) writing more will fill in the empty space I so long for. I want it to fill itself ^^. But stay tuned for more episodes of this adventure I started.

STEEMIT
The other adventure I'm starting as we speak, is Steemit.

As I'm all about reinventing myself (fenix) and (de)constructing life (in every way), I've also given myself the freedom to self-construct my Steemit profile. What it is, what it could mean, how I plan to use it, i want to be able to construct and adjust this as I go along.

I make it sound very clear and simple. But trust me, this also has been a (small) process. I think I'll update you guys on this somewhere this week.

Anyhow, from the second a friend of mine (@hatsekidee, thank you so much <3) mentioned this platform, I just felt this was the medium I had been looking for to use as a new platform. To express myself, to connect with people, and also as a new tool to better understand myself and the world around me.
I'm really looking forward to start integrating Steemit in my life :)

And maybe by doing so I'll gain a better understanding of who I am.
Because to be honest. I have no freaking clue XD.
I mean, that's one of the reasons I'm moving to Berlin.
To give myself a reset. To be in the next bigger playground. To grow, to explore, to try, to live, to be.

And so I also want to give myself that same complete freedom online. To construct on the go, how I see fit. To make mistakes, to re-shape, to learn, to share and to grow.

It's the only way forward.

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No previews are given. [I wanted to write them, because that's how you keep your potential followers interested right, to give them previews and heads-up about what to expect next. But I don't want to force myself in any direction. I might start writing about something completely different :o fooled ya! Haha.]

No, I think if you've read my introduction text and you'll have an idea of what to expect next. Although I do hope to be able to surprise you and move you with the things I share online.

Please always feel free to comment and/or give me feedback. Would love to connect to people and the community <3

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Ready to start a new adventure?

• Press PLAY to start
• Select mode
  ---> HARD.

Ok, now we're ready ^^.

play: Madonna - Music