Dear Captain Picard,

I seem to be trapped on the Holodeck, within a program I was beta-testing. Evidently, there is a glitch, and I am unable to escape. The crew members you've sent to extract me have been overtaken by some sort of virus. Crewman number two has died. The virus appears to wipe a victim's memory, as well as their humanity. In addition to the virus, I suspect Q and his idiotic friends have somehow infiltrated the program. They are having a rollicking good time with their little magic tricks, at my expense. I point out the science of their feats, again and again, all to no avail. Please advise. I miss the ship and the crew.

(Glad you are here, I had to post on your magnificent introduction, even though it is two weeks old. )