Lessons from the Mat ;Part II : Goal setting and Enjoying the process

As Discussed in part 1 of this series , The gentle art has had cascading , life changing effects on for me and many others , changing the way I look at failure ,obstacles and life in general .

As discussed in part 1 , In BJJ we all constantly 'fail ' as we submit to the attacks of our opponent , but each of these 'failures ' , depending on our attitude , can be an opportunity to become more skilled , more experienced and more resilient. These lesson can be remarkably empowering in everyday life as we fearlessly facedown challenges which would make many freeze and fall into paralysis by analysis . Taking these lessons from the mats , we no longer fear failure but treat it as an indicator , we now take action 'failing forward ' adapting and continuing to strive towards our goals and dreams .

BJJ has also changed the way I look at goals , how I set them and How I set out to achieve them .

As we approach January and the ritualistic setting of wishy washy goals which inevitably have most people feeling worse about themselves one month into the process . Others have given up entirely on new years resolutions , as every year they set them , to only end up failing and beating themselves up over it .
Today , I'll share some of what Ive learned in regards to goal setting which can help us all in achieving whatever goals we may set this January

In Jiujitsu , as with any aspect of life , goal setting is important . Goal setting is integral to progress [and according to many this feeling of improvement or progress is essential for human happiness *]
think of goals as markers of Improvement . Thus , it is essential that our goals are clear and concise . They must be measurable & quantifiable , we must be able to revise our goals after 6 or 12 months and say weather not not they were achieved [ Think improve in BJJ vs Win a national competition before January ]
Too often do I hear people set goals and new years resolutions like 'I'm gonna lose weight ' or 'make more money ' , these goals are not quantifiable , they are not measurable and thus your success and progress towards these aims can not be assessed .

When goals are fluffy and non measurable like this , not only is it impossible to measure your progress , It also makes it incredibly difficult to set out a process to achieve them . Because they aren't measurable , the progress you DO make will not have much of a motivating effect as it hasn't brought you any closer to a clearly defined point . Say I want to lose weight and become fitter . I must break this down and make it quantifiable .If I set a goal to lose 10kg in 6 months and after 2 months I've only lost 2.5kg I will be on schedule to lose the 10kg 2 months early Which , should be very motivating , but it is unlikely to have this effect if you have not outlined EXACTLY what you want and when you want it .

So we now have our overall , larger , quantifiable and measurable Goal [ Say lose 10kg ]
We will now Set out smaller , process orientated goals which will help us toward the overall dream . In this case these process orientated goals may be habits which , if held consistent , will propel us toward success . These micro goals can stack on top of eachother becoming progressively more difficult , some examples may be ; to complete a 21 day yoga challenge , to cut out all refined sugars for 2 weeks , then 1 month , to exercise every morning for 15 minutes before going to work . These Process orientated goals will not only establish a system for success , they will form new habits which will assist you in becoming what and who you want to be .

After you set out these Process orientated goals , you should go about setting Milestones to measure your progression along the way to your overall goal . Keeping with the Weighloss theme , these milestones may be to lose 1.6 kg every month /.80kg every 2 weeks , another milestone within the same overall goal might be to complete a 5 km run , then 10k . Upon completion of these goals you will and aught to feel proud and happy with yourself , these feelings of progression will motivate and drive you further and further , and you should celebrate these milestones .

Now that you have you're dream [Lose weight , become fitter ] , your Quantifiable Goals [lose 10kg in 6 months ] , your process orientated goals [21 Day workout before work challenge etc] and your milestones to celebrate [ 1 kg every month , first kg lost , first 2.5kg lost etc ] , Now recap your Process orientated goals and your milestones , Put them on a calendar and set about completing them one by one . Week 1 ; Exercise 15 mins every day Week 2 ; Continue with the prior & cut out all refined sugar continue to stack these process goals on top of eachother and remain consistent , you now have a mapped out process or path to achieving your goals , all you have to do is stay consistent , and as you are now seeing the progress week by week , toward your objective , you will not be short of motivation .

a Potent point to note ; You are trying to change YOU , you must realize that to achieve your goal your habits must change . You must embrace this change and the new you . You MUST enjoy the process . If you want to look like a fit and healthy young man , you must act that way , you must take on those habits and keep them , even after you have attained those washboard abs .
With BJJ I used to dream about being a black belt and everything that came with it . But then I had a realization when thinking about what a black belt does ; Train A LOT , consistently . I realized that that Is what I was already doing , training a lot and I better just stay consistent and enjoy the process , every step of the way .
By enjoying the process you will learn to celebrate the small evryday victories and not lose motivation as you become over focused on the long term goal .

I have used this method of goal setting and processes to combat social anxiety & difficulty with women , to continue to make strides in my BJJ game ,to quit my job and Currently to achieve financial independence and multiple streams of income .

To summarize .
Dream ---> Quantifiable and measurable goal -->process orientated goals --->Milestones to celebrate -->action steps right now ---> embrace failure and go for it -->Adapt and stay consistent
** Always remember to enjoy the process **

RESOURCES & FURTHER READING

the way of the Seal by Mark Devine
Models -attract women through honesty
Tony Robbins progress = Happiness https://www.cnbc.com/2017/10/06/tony-robbins-this-is-the-secret-to-happiness-in-one-word.html