Introduce Yourself - NieManDa

About 'Me'

Some time ago (not that time exists ) 'I' realised something terrifying, perplexing, amusing and profound - that 'I' am a story; a cipher; a conglomeration of experiences and attachments and reactions and programing and thought processes.

I am not describing a thought process, an intellectual 'understanding' or a 'eureka' moment here - I am talking about a REALisation at a cellular level, a subatomic level - a physical, visceral event.

I realised, too, as a result of that event, that 'I' am unable to function in the World without this patchwork cloak of identity which 'I' have cobbled together since being thrust forth mewling from my mother's body into the world of man. This patchwork identity is something we all create for ourselves in response to living in society with all its rules ans regulations, all its rewards and punishments and dos and don'ts.

'I' am not 'special', unless every body is special. The illusion of 'specialness' is a societally-directed corruption of my uniqueness.

Every expression of life is unique, but that does not make us more or less special. If everyone followed their own true nature, their own true character and impulses, the artificially induced division between those considered 'special' by their particular culture would fall away and we would all recognise each other for the unique and distinct part of the whole which we actually are.

'I' and I

'I' automatically reboot every time 'I' reawaken from my slumber: on occasions where 'I' do not reboot immediately, there is a total absence of everything except the awareness of existence. These moments, whilst confusing, are a raw and 'deprogrammed' experience of 'life-as-it-is'.

'I' can also attain this 'natural state' whilst awake, under certain circumstances, in certain environments and with certain stimulus in place.

When in this 'natural state', everything looks VERY different. This viewpoint is radically 'other' than my moment-to-moment existence when the 'Story of Me' is running the system.

When in this natural state, everything RESPONDS very differently, too - there is an immediate recognition of my entering that state by everything else which is living in ITS natural state. Being able to see the underlying reality is also to be SEEN by the underlying reality. We look right into the heart of each other, and it is...real...As Barry Long once said, "There is only one 'I' in the Universe." And in that timeless place, where separation at once falls away yet dances gaily in myriad forms, the 'I' is looking at itself from every conceivable angle.

Behind and Beyond the Story of Me

There are no human words to describe this state or the reality of it. In fact, the absence of human words, human judgements, human thoughts, are one of its inherent characteristics. There is, undoubtedly, and expansion, a sense of wonder, a return, in fact, TO the SENSES. It is a vibrant, alive place, free, all-encompassing, amazing and yet utterly ordinary simultaneously. There is an absence of drama, of story, of everything which is not beyond the reach of human illusion. It's as funny as fuck and as serious as death. Which turns out not to be all that serious after all, as it happens..

Even trying to put into words this timeless, wordless, though-less state is a bastardisation of what it is, of what 'I' Am.

So that's 'Me'. Or the absence of Me.

But seriously...

As you can probably imagine, it's kind of hard now to take 'myself' seriously. And above all, we humans like to be taken seriously! So it's a bit of an ongoing headfuck, being 'Me'. Especially since the 'Storybook Me' is a very earnest individual. 'I' and 'Me' are in conflict quite a bit. And never more so than about the state of the world and the way it treats those who play their unwitting parts in it. But it is what it is.

And I Am That I Am.

And all that.

Examining 'Reality' and Questioning the 'Order' of Things

So "Hello", Steemit-world, another world within a world.

So may worlds existing simultaneously, and most of them entirely devoid of any reality, populated only by illusions and stories and ciphers and crooks. 'I' play my part in some of them, and am oblivious of many more.

It's entertaining, this 'playing a part' as the inevitable drama unfolds. I suppose that's why we do it, truth be told. It even, upon occasion, facilitates an awareness of the underlying reality. Just sometimes, when I FEEL, and most especially when we feel that connection to each other. Those moments of clarity, of realness, when we recognise that 'One'-ness and know the separation to be just a story - 'The Story of Us'. All '0's and '1's. All Somethings and Nothings, just rowing our boats gently down the stream and making shit up as we go along.

The World is Watching...

...and I am watching the World.

Here's looking at you!

NieManDa
27.04.2018

Image credit: Alert! Identify Invisible Man by Bill Smith