Introduce Youself!?

Introduce yourself I’ve been told.
Why I thought, what’s the real purpose of introducing myself?
Does anyone really want to find out about me warts and all?

I sought the advice of one of my friends as we were sitting drinking coffee.
He said “tell them about you in general terms”.
I said ‘general terms’, what do you mean by that?
He said “well you can’t really tell them who you really are and all that can you”?
I innocently asked why not and he roared with laughter.
“You’re writing an introduction on a web site on the internet, you don’t want weirdos turning up at your door do you”!

I looked at him in amazement and asked him if he really thought that people on the web were all weirdos.
He looked at me and ‘tutted’; you know, the irritating way some people do that, when they think their opinion is the only valid one.
I left the discussion there and wandered away when he answered his mobile mid ‘tut’ and proceeded to go off at some junior colleague who must have done something that displeased him.

The next person I broached the subject with, after the “nice day we’re having” ice breaker, was a young woman who works with me.
She said “well you should tell people about your hobbies and things like that”.
I said okay, my hobbies; do you really think they’d be interested in that sort of information?
She said” Yes, by the way what are your hobbies”?
I then listed my various hobbies and she listened attentively nodding her head politely as I spoke.
Well I said, do you think any of those would interest people on the web?
“Well” she said “they’re quite ordinary aren’t they”.
I looked at her, shrugged and said that I thought they were interesting and that’s why they were my hobbies.
She said “So you don’t really do anything really exciting then”?
I looked at her, she glanced down at her mobile and then she said “Oh my God is that the time, I‘ll have to go, nice chatting with you, see you later”. With that she made her escape.

I decided when I got home that I’d broach the subject with the person who knows me best – the cat!
No I’m joking we don’t have a cat!

I decided I’d talk to my wife, after all she had married me, so she should know me by now and if anyone could tell me the interesting things about myself that I should put in my introduction, she was eminently qualified.

I arrived to collect her a few minutes before she was due to get out of work and started rehearsing the best way to bring up the subject in order to achieve my goal. As I sat in the car listening to the radio I hummed, sang and tapped the steering rhythmically. Suddenly I got that feeling that I was being watched and realised that a woman was staring at me from the car next to mine. I glanced across quickly and she caught my eye by making a face and mouthing “are you alright”?
I looked at her and mouthed back “I’m fine”.
Whilst all this was happening, the passenger door opened, my wife slipped in and sat down.
She looked at me and said “are you mad, sitting outside my office waving your hands around and mumbling to yourself like a demented idiot”.
I felt myself shrink down in the seat and again glanced at the woman next to mine.
She, by now, had realised that I was being told off and proceeded to laugh heartily as she pulled out of her parking space. As her car passed in front of ours, she gesticulated by twirling her index finger in a circular motion whilst pointing at her ear. My wife laughed loudly, slapped me on the shoulder and said “see she thinks you’re nutty too”!

The trip home was a quiet one as I smarted from the obvious misunderstanding that had occurred.
We wandered into the house where we were immediately greeted by our dog who jumped around us in his normal - ‘ooh your home, I thought I’d never see you again’ fashion.

I walked into the kitchen and started making coffee for my wife and I, all the time thinking deeply about this introduction. When the coffee was made, I took the two cups out onto the patio to join my wife who was sitting looking at the newspaper.
“Oh thanks” she said, looking up and taking the cup I was handing her. She then turned her attention back to the paper.
“Is there any interesting news”? I quipped as I lowered myself into a chair. No answer, no reply.
“Honey, are you busy”? I said as an introduction into a possible conversation. My wife looked up and directly at me.
“I was wondering if you could help point me down the right track” I said as an opener.
“I need to post an introduction about myself on this thing I’m doing on the web” I hesitated as my wife regarded me with a quizzical look.
“What do you think you should say in an introduction like that? I said putting on my serious face.
“What do I think I should say in an introduction” she said repeating exactly what I’d said to her.
“No I mean me” I said.
“You, who are you introducing yourself to” she said.
“Everyone who might read the introduction” I replied.
“Everyone, how do you mean everyone” she said.
Oh hell this is going badly I thought to myself.
“Everyone on the web who might read it” I said as the dog barrelled his way across the grass towards us and deposited his ‘spitty’ ball on my wife’s lap.
Well that was that.
My wife leapt up wiping at the spit spot on the front of her dress and disappeared inside the house muttering about ‘that bloody idiot’. I wasn’t quite sure if she was talking about the dog or me.

I lay my head on the back of the chair and closed my eyes and fell asleep. After what seemed like a minute I was shaken awake by my youngest son.
"Dad will you help me with my bike, the chain's come off again" he said.

So whilst I got my hands covered in chain oil and he was a captive audience, I asked his advice.

I was advised by my youngest son, that people want get to know the real person behind the blog or post.
In his words, you have to make a connection like you make small talk about the weather when you meet a person for the first time.
"You know Dad, sort of break the ice". He said.

Ok, break the ice.

Well I suppose I could say: “Nice weather we’re having, shame the sunshine didn’t last as long as we’d hoped”.
Somehow I don’t think that’ll work because, you probably live somewhere that the sun shines almost every day and it doesn’t apply to you. So the ‘weather’ start to the introduction falls flat on its face.

So I thought back to the ‘drawing board’ again.

Well here I am. I gave myself the time to think what to say and I suppose I may have already done that in my own way by telling you this story.

You see I’m just an ordinary guy with ordinary concerns and all the normal difficulties that everyone else has.
We all want to be respected as ourselves and hope people will love us despite our eccentricities.
We look to others to give us the time to prove we’re worth knowing.
So there’s my introduction – I am me.
Gimme Steem!