Life is Funny: Here's the story about myself and how I realize the important of life is

Do you think I have a bright smile despite I'm depressed? ^_^

My name is Kristina but my friends called me to my nickname Tina :).

I'm Introvert person I always want to stay alone because I feel depressed and having uneasy feeling when I was in the crowd or in our house that's very noisy when many children running and screaming but I do not want to hurt them or discipline them I always yelling them to stay quiet or telling to them to go home but they are naughty.. So I just endure it instead of hurting them I do self harmed for losing my temper I always do that.
Day by day past same child running and screaming in our house I always telling to my mom " Please mom can you tell them to stay quiet for me mom " but my mom answer I love that our house is very noisy I answer her " What about me? I always want a quite place" then she answer me again you can go to the forest then I don't have to answer her back I feel sad or maybe I'm selfish.
The Next day I inform my mom I'm go to the forest near in our house then mom ask me who I was with? because I brought a lot of foods and drinks plus rope and chair I said only me and mom ask me again which part of the forest ? I whispered " A nice spot to tie a rope and die" my mom become angry and ask me what I'm telling to her I tell her nothing instead of asking what I'm said early she ask me why I want to go to the forest I answer her back again " You told me to go to the forest because I need a quite place " but before I left I told mom you and sarah (my younger sister she's 23 years old but a spoiled brat) stay in our house you can ask her instead of me to cook your breakfast, lunch and also dinner my mom shock because my sister doesn't know how to cook damn I was like evil that time because I want my sister realize that she must learn to cook.
I was in the nice spot in the forest close to the river I saw a lot of fish but I don't know how to catch a fish so I do manually because the river is not deep its just like above the knee I have carried bucket I catch 10 big fish I setup my big tent after the setup I pray because I don't know if that forest has a mythical creature I promise I'm quiet and I clean any waste that I made but I have garbage bag :).
First night in the forest I heard a lot of noises but its so relaxing with sound of flowing river makes me feel sleepy bur before the lights off I clean and cook my 10 big fish I have vegetable oil, soy sauce, vinegar, onions, garlic, ginger,tomato and seasonings the 5 fish I make fish broth with onions, garlic, ginger and tomato first I fry 5 fish then set a side after finish frying them I cut onions, garlic and ginger then saute if the 3 of them is brownish you can put the 5 fish to saute then add fresh water and then boil for about 5 mins then a pepper and salt to taste :) then boil it again for 5 mins, Then the other 5 is fish barbeque I also make sauce for the fish barbecue I make sauce with onions, garlic, soysauce, vinegar, sugar,pepper and tomato mash and stir well to make more delicious :D by the way I cook rice too :) made with fresh water in the river :) I boil fresh water from the river to drink :).
Its 9 pm and I'm ready to sleep its cold night good thing I brought jacket, pajama and socks:) ahh.... I'm ready to close my eyes Have a goodnight sleep without my mom and sister who always yelling at me every night for small mistakes. It's already 10 pm I woke up suddenly remembering something why I'm here in the forest and what's my reason but I totally forgot it so I continue my sleep again, I woke up 5 am and realizing what is my reason? You know guys that time I think my mind is closed and the only word I think is to end my life that's why I brought rope and chair.
I saw a best spot to tie a hanging rope I measure it because I'm a tall girl. Oh! its finish I place a chair then I stood on the chair place the hanging rope to neck then jump It's hard to breathe that time I feel my mind hallucinating because I saw blue sky which is my favorite color but the truth is there's no blue sky its cloudy but before I died the big branches of the tree fell then in no time I fell in a shallow part of the river I'm wearing shorts and T'shirt so it's not hard to go up to the river its failed attempt I decided to clean my hair using shampoo and soap for my body I carried my bucket again with water :) good thing I already wear my jacket and pants before the 2 boys and 3 girls see me, They were asking why I'm in the forest alone I swallow my introvert attitude because they look worried to me I answer them back that I want a peaceful place like this but it's okay if you want to camp here too but I remind them to clean their waste before they leave to care the environment I also gave them a 3 garbage bag for their waste :).
They setup their tent close to my tent then I immediately remove my hanging rope and put it on to my backpack but before that they notice my backpack and I ask me what was inside on my backpack I show them a rope and a sleeping pills which I forgot to take before I attempt to kill myself :D they look very very worried to me they offer assistance also ask my name and contact no. for psychiatrist but I refuse told them I don't need psychiatrist I don't want to take medicine, I don't want to be a burden to my mom and sister also I don't want to become look crazy to their eyes but they insist to get my full name/address/contact they gave me a lot of advice and what I'm going to do If feel to try suicide again. One among them game me antidepressant she told me If I feel that my world being destroyed I should take one tablet then sleep I also ask her if I'm running out my antidepressant where Can I buy it? She told me any nearest pharmacy to your home and I thank her and also the other 3 she with because they gave me advice.

Before Lunch I say goodbye to them because I need to go home I fold my tent then placed in plastic put it on the wooden box then hide on the ground covered many leaves and large branch of tree. I have no pictures I forgot my camera :) and feel free to comment what's your opinion/feeling? Its okay :)

"Learn what people really think about you and Accept it as long as positive and can help you to be better person "

When I go home I immediately took my camera to my room and take a pic :D