You’ve probably begun your annual tradition of the New Year’s Resolution. For many of us these goals are diet and exercise related. Unfortunately, if you're like me, you know how many of these resolutions pan out—they simply don't make it past the first month. Hell, in my case, usually after the first two weeks. If you can relate, than you know just how discouraging this is. The feeling of failure can lead you right back to square one, year after year. This routine has become the actual tradition for me.

Let me introduce myself. My name is Katy and I am a serial dieter. It's no surprise that my past resolutions have been focused on body image. I would vow to cut out entire food groups and partake in torturous workouts, promising myself that “this would be the year!” What would happen as a precursor is what has been called the “last supper” mentality. Prior to starting my new diet, I'd binge on all of the “bad” restricted foods that were on my “no-no” list. My mindset was that this would get all of my cravings out of the way, since I wouldn't be allowed to eat any of them the following year. And so would begin this detrimental binge and restrict habit that I'd carry on throughout the year. Year after year. If this sounds completely ridiculous to you, then congratulations. You're one of the few who still has a healthy relationship with food post-diet.

Our mind and bodies don't realize that we are restricting food in order to fit into smaller jeans. Its main purpose is to keep you alive, and it just thinks you're starving. This same effect can happen from just mentally obsessing without the restriction of food. Eventually, your body will influence certain hormones to raise you hunger, resulting in the inevitable binge. It's as if our primal, animal brain is preparing for the next “famine,” which was induced by dieting in the first place. I'd be lucky if I made it one month into the New Year before completely falling off the wagon. Ironically, as a result of my annual quest of becoming a “healthier, fitter, skinnier” me, I would become the complete opposite. This would mark the beginning of a new year of yo-yo dieting in my long history of disordered eating habits. Each year, repeating this routine, never learning from my mistakes. If you can relate to any of this, I'm sorry to say, welcome to the club, you are not alone.

The truth about compulsive dieters is that we're extreme perfectionists. We have an “all or nothing” mindset which will set us up for failure time and time again. This is the trap of the diet mentality. This is what keeps us on the crazy train, repeating the same behaviors, in hopes of a different outcome. This is what kept me in that vicious cycle, year after year. Now I'm not saying that having goals for yourself are bad. The issue is when these goals are fueled by a negative emotion- hating one’s body and only accepting it once you've met “said-goal.” While this is an entirely separate topic that deserves its own spotlight, my point is this: Focusing on the negative rarely resulted in a positive outcome for myself. It's taken me this long to realize that this approach has been the issue for me all along.

This year I've decided to try something completely different. Instead of focusing on what I want to change externally, I’m looking deeper inward. From this year forward, I'm going to practice sincere gratitude for my life. Trust me, I used to roll my eyes when I would hear these words. Exactly how would this help me in attaining my fitness and body goals??

The truth is I've spent most of my life on a diet. The majority of my life has been revolved around unhealthy habits all to attain a certain goal. So I could finally accept myself. This toxic mindset grows with each failed attempt at the strict diet. Instead of admitting that these behaviors are just too extreme, we often blame ourselves for the lack of willpower. I've now realized that these goals were the true source of my unhappiness.

My resolution this year is to get back in touch with everything that I love. This goal of mine is actually what has led me here. I want to hold myself accountable by documenting all the things I’m truly grateful for. Underneath my unhealthy relationship with food is a passion for nutrition. This led me to culinary school where I earned my degree as a Pastry chef. My hands are my tools, either crafting delicious desserts, wielding a paintbrush on canvas, or writing. No diet will ever make your life as fulfilling as your passions do.

If any of this resonated with you, maybe it’s time to take a different approach. I invite you to take this challenge with me. Instead of focusing on what you want to change about yourself, focus on what you already have. What are you genuinely grateful for? Make time for what inspires you again. This is the key to becoming truly fulfilled and present in your life again.

For all of my fellow serial dieters, it's time we heal ourselves and our relationship with food. So I’m hoping off this crazy diet train once and for all. I expect this to be a long journey and I anticipate many bumps-in-the road. But just for this moment, I’ll be sitting here with cup of coffee, next to my Bulldog Stella, reflecting on my list.

-KFitz