Why would you do this? One may ask. The answer is a difficult one. I guess I’ll start with the back story.  

  -Backstory

  So, for the past 3 years I’ve been living in Minneapolis, MN. Working on and off at a pizza restaurant. Trying to get my life “figured out”. Whatever that means… I’ve never been able to find a firm direction in my life. Up until this point, my lifestyle decisions could be considered a “frenzy of trying to capitalize on incomplete ideas” mixed with alcohol, and the occasional drug use. As you can imagine… Those things don’t mix too well.  

  For the majority of the past 2 years, I found myself in a deep rut. I became increasingly dependent on alcohol (and drugs, pretty much anything I could get my hands on, except for heroin and meth) as a means to wash away the boredom and mundanity of everyday life. I entered a relationship that was structured, almost completely, around sex. Not much love in the air. Now, I know what you’re thinking. “who gives a shit! As long as you’re getting laid bro!” But, it made me feel really disgusting after a while… Is this what I’m here for? To endlessly succumb to physical pleasures? Well, instead of confronting my dissatisfaction, I decided to drown ALL of my feelings with alcohol, and subsequently lie to myself about the whole situation. It worked fantastically… 

  Anyways, feeling disenfranchised with my whole situation, I developed an escape plan. What was my plan? Well, I’ll tell you about my genius plan. I saved up enough money to buy a van, and converted it into a “camper”, if you could call it that. I was to skip town, and travel the continent, leaving the trail of shit that had become my life, behind me. Poetic, huh? I thought so too.

                                                  

  Well, it didn’t work out too well. Before I could even get a chance to momentarily escape, the van started to break down. I'd get it fixed, then it would break down again. Time and time again this happened. Give me a fuckin break here, I'm trying to run from myself for Christ's sake. Anyway, I ended up spending the majority of my savings ($5,000) fixing it up. Then, the head gasket blew… that signaled game over for me.  

 As you can imagine, this all led me to a state of exhaustion. I had spun up a web of lies, so I didn’t have to confront the emotional storm that I had conjured up within. Why? Because I was dissatisfied with my life. Instead of facing reality, I decided to try and run as fast as I could for the hills. The truth can be the hardest thing to accept sometimes. 

  -Givin up the goods 

So, what are my choices at this point? I can…

 (A. Continue down my own self-created path of deceit, and carry on washing my sorrows away with sweet, sweet nectar.   

 (B. Quit my job, whilst being broke, and break up with my girlfriend.  

 (C. Stop using drugs and alcohol as a solution to my problems, break up with my girlfriend, and begin to face reality head on.  

 (D. Some weird mixture of A, B, and C  .

  I guess I chose C. I wanted to get to the core of all of the problems that I had created for myself. How does one do that?   

 The First thing I did was breakup with my girlfriend. Which ended up not being that hard. Most things I just turn into a big deal in my head. I guess that’s part of the problem with being a human, all of your problems are just mental ones. 

 Second thing, I said “I’m going to start this new journey off by always having a sober state of mind.” That way, everything I do is fully intentional, and I don’t end up in another state of “fuckery”. So, in a state of desperation, I quit all of my vices in one day. I don’t recommend anybody do this by the way. The following week was heavily punctuated by a lingering sense of haziness, confusion, and sickness. It actually took about a month until I started to recover. Now, I say “started” to recover because it really is a journey. It’s still not over. But, I generally feel better with each passing month.  

  Third thing, and the most important thing, for me, Is meditation. Or, what I think meditation is? I’ve never had anybody teach me how to meditate. I’ve just experimented with it by myself. It is a tool that I use every single day for about 20 minutes sometimes longer. Usually right when I wake up. I sit cross legged on the floor, back of my hands on my knee caps. Observe my thoughts for about 5 minutes. Observe my breathe for about 5 minutes. Then, bring all of my attention to chanting the word “Aum” for about 5 minutes. Observe my breathe again for 5 minutes. And then call it quits. Sometimes I’ll do this twice a day.  

Why would I spend my time chanting a silly word? Why do I choose this word out of all the words? Why not just say “horse” for 5 minutes straight? Here are some cool things to think about.   

When a scientist listens into deep space, do you know what sound he hears? “AUM”. 

When a yogi wants to reach a state of bliss, do you know what sound he chants? “AUM” 

Linguistically, every sound that you produce, comes from the base of “A”, “U”, and “M”  

Here, listen to this guy.

  So what word am I going to think of when I am trying to connect to myself? You guessed it, FUCK. Just kidding. “Aum”. Now, I don’t consider myself a “religious” person. But, I do believe that there is a way to engineer yourself, internally, to become more attuned to the subtle vibrations that are bouncing about. There have been times when I’ve been chanting “Aum”, and I have become completely absorbed into the word. To the point that there is no other thing on my mind. Just quietly experiencing existence in it's most pure, raw state. It’s the most bizarre and phenomenal feeling.  It’s a fantastic way to cleanse your mind and start each day with a clean pallet. Real refreshing.

  -Where I’m at now, and the path ahead. 

So what do I do now? I’ve managed to (hopefully) permanently escape the cycle of addiction (I guess if an asteroid was about to hit the earth and somebody offered me a shot of tequila I’d be all in). But, for now, I’ve become content with being clean. I’ve honestly learned more valuable information in the past 6 months of sobriety, than I have in the previous 5 years of my life. It feels good. I have a renewed sense of purpose and my thoughts are becoming clearer.  I feel like my life is just beginning, and I am increasingly seeing opportunity around every corner.   

Obviously there are still days that suck, but I’m trying to deal with them from a rational standpoint (instead of thinking “this sucks! Let’s get drunk!”). I have to remind myself that intoxication is only a temporary solution, for a more permanent, internal problem.

 Anyways, I’ve become very interested in the potential of cryptocurrency, and block chain technologies. I would like to become part of the movement to help this become more mainstream. I am also interested in designing a fully electric camper van *ahem* Tesla *ahem*. You know, something that vaguely resembled an updated version of the VW Vanagon. Except, is fully electric, with an electric stove, and could be charged up for free. Imagine that shit, being able to hit the open road… not having to pay for fuel… not having to worry about it breaking down (at least not as much as a shitty combustion vehicle). Legitimate freedom. By the way, I don’t care If you steal that Idea. I just want to see it come to fruition. 

 WELP. I Hope you enjoyed my slightly scattered, random musings. If you would like to get together and start a project, don’t hesitate to contact me!