How'd I end up here?

This guy is my Grandpa Nick.

This is candid photo captures him so uniquely. I can't say he was a happy man, but he worked hard for everything he had. I know he loved our family but he was a prickly pear. I remember several conversations with him when I was little telling him I was afraid he was going to die soon and I was sad about that. He'd say, don't be sad. We are all living on borrowed time and all we have for certain is now.

2002 was a year that really tested me. I had gotten behind on my car payments, even though I was living at home, and my New Year's resolution for 2002 was to get things straight and current. On 01/02/2002, the repo man came and got my car, while I was AT WORK! I was mortified and thought my car had been stolen. I should have known at that point this was going to be a bad year.

Grandpa Nick had a stroke in February that year. He came home soon after but never really rebounded like he typically did. He was a type II diabetic who was sick of being told what he should and should not eat. He occasionally would go on a sugar binge, and he'd regret it after. At the end February he was back in the hospital with this rash that had started just on his head but before long spread everywhere. He was admitted into the hospital again but no one could figure out the cause of this rash but it was causing him to develop open wounds. Open wounds for any diabetic is bad, but for a diabetic who is not behaving at the time, is even worse.

After a few weeks it looked like he was going to come home. I saw him on a Sunday and he had seemed to be getting better and they were talking of releasing him. That Thursday my uncle came to see my mom at a really late hour. My uncle said that Grandma was in the ICU and they weren't expecting him to bounce back this time.

I was on my way to work on Saturday morning when he passed. I went in and told my employer I was going to be with my family. I went to the hospital and met my parents, aunt and uncle, and my Grandma. This had just happened! I thought he had been gone for a few hours and we were just being informed now. Apparently he was still waiting for the Chaplin before being sent to be "processed".

I did not want to be standing in the room. I had no desire to say good-bye to his lifeless body, but my mom was holding my hand and wouldn't let it go when I turned to walk away. She pulled me right next to her at the foot of his hospital bed. I'll never forget the way his body was frozen and his mouth agape. He looked like he was in so much pain when he left this world. He was in his late 70's but I thought he was going to bounce back, I wasn't prepared for him to die. Later we will find out that the cause of death was due to a staph infection.

I had an epiphany that day. No matter how much I visited or how much I cared, there was nothing I could to stop the inevitable from happening or to make it any easier for my family. Why was I back in this town that made me feel so dead inside? I'd been back and forth to Chicago two times and it was not easy being there on my own. I didn't want to be in IL and MO was not a good place for me. But fuck, I had no options.

I called a friend from Chicago, and told him of dilemma. It just so happened that Dirk was in the process of moving from Chicago to Wisconsin because of a personal situation. He had to deal with the consequence of a one night stand he had about 2 years prior. He had a toddler son and the mother and he decided to both move to Madison. She was from northern WI so Madison was in the middle. Dirk offered me a bus pass, free room and board for 2 months, and a bus ticket back if I needed it. I had never been to WI, even though it was so close to IL. I had nothing to loose. I heard Grandpa Nick telling me, The only time you have is now!!!

I only had one bag and I arrived at the Chicago bus depot and a friend was going to take me the rest of the way to Madison. I as so nervous, but I fell in love with Madison. I moved here in May of 2002, and it hasn't always been easy but I have never thought of leaving. Madison has a small town feel but is an actual city and has a variety of things to explore. I met my future husband that summer, but we wouldn't actually date for another 3 years.

END OF PART III

Part I https://steemit.com/introduceyourself/@chicagophotogirl/just-call-me-cpg-for-short-because-this-is-a-long-one

Part II https://steemit.com/introduceyourself/@chicagophotogirl/city-girl-moves-to-small-town