Calling all down & outs. I'm Cole & I am NOT negative.

This is me. In my favourite setting. Incase you cannot donate from the image I am making music on the floor of my friends home. I am a musician. It has been six and a half weeks since a friend of mine told me about this website, ‘SteemIt’. Yes, you got it. I am a major procrastinator. I'm Conor. I am soon to turn twenty five years of age and I believe my life is spiralling out of control into a tunnel of fucking shit.
First of all I want to clarify something, I AM NOT NEGATIVE. Secondly, I like to believe that I question everything and I am often very in touch with my feelings. I prefer to let life flow rather than to control every situation that occurs in my life.

Once upon a time when I was fresh into the halls of my new university I was an awkward but happy-go-lucky male with no filter. I would ask questions to strangers without crippling anxiety shredding me to pieces. I could drink thirty three double Bacardi's and be totally shit faced without feeling like a disgrace. I could enjoy my day without overthinking every single detail in which I could control my life. Basically, I lived for the present moment, for the ‘now’. The happiest time of my life was all in the present moment. I think I made some pretty awesome decisions in my ‘present’ self. I decided I would travel parts of the world, I started making music with my friend, I read books upon books, I chased the summer between New Zealand, UK and Australia. All of this was very character building, void filling and fun. Don’t get me wrong I had many responsibilities, travelling the world alone is very daunting at times, especially where money and social security is concerned. One day I was diving into a isolated waterfall in the secluded depths of northern New Zealand. Then one day something happened. I started to think. I started to over think.

This is me during my trip to Australia in 2016

I started to be over come with fear about my choices. This included my age. Questions like ‘can I still justify this life if I’m nearly twenty two? What about my life when I get home? When will I have time for my music? The questions kept coming. No matter how many times I would try and focus on how amazing these experiences was I started to question my masculinity and then further along I began to question my social success. As a result of this I started feeling like time was running out. Like I was chasing an idea. Like I was running away from becoming a classified adult. All my friends at home were starting careers, having babies and making a start into their adult life. This is when I started partying more, I started smoking more drugs, I started to actually wander away from the best place I have visited in the whole wide world, the present.

So I have decided to connect with people via Steemit. My aim is to share, through song, video, poems and stories my journey and my past circumstances. I am here to evolve. I won't be 'filtering' myself or my deep, clouded, uncomfortable mind. I hope to create a space where people can feel they can open up about the shit us twenty-somethings go through. I hope to create a path back towards the present.