Come on, now. Your life isn't ruined.

You're just playing a game on yourself called "temptation, judgment and withdrawal," we've all done it - it's human nature; it's part of the cycle of life to know what we want and to have things "perfect" for a time, only to have those things taken away in more time, you see.

In reality, you're blessed. You're beautiful both outside (which is very apparent from your photo, btw) and on the inside. You say that the real self is ugly, but it really isn't.

You see, you were conditioned to identify with the archetype of satan; to associate yourself with that part of you which is "animal" (instinct) and to judge that side of yourself as "bad" and "wrong". But it really isn't bad at all. In fact, it's just as natural and good as any other "part" of ourselves.

Selfishness isn't bad. Greed isn't bad. On the flip side, selflessness isn't good. You're just here, being aware of actions happening to you, around you, and "coming out from you". The selfishness or selflessness that you observe coming out from you are just here for you to witness, just like everything else that "happens" to you. You aren't them. You're not even the energy of their engagement.

You're the joy and compassion that embraces the witnessing and the judging and the condemning and the pleasures and the pains and the attachments and the losses - a non-personal, all-embracing witness to all these waves and cycles of good and bad, happy and sad - you see.

You're greater than that which you perceive. You're beyond the suffering that you observe inside of yourself and outside, in the world that your body interacts with.

You're the non-judgmental, ever-peaceful and content, presence that underlies all the complex (ego) games of your conditioned consciousness, which is your ever-present means to psychological healing and the absolute forgiveness of your apparent sins.

Can you feel it? Can you sense the truth and power of these words that I share here?

If you can let go of your attachment to suffering and punishing yourself for being less than perfect, then you will immediately feel peace and space fill your awareness. The words that I speak here only help to direct your attention there. I'm not doing anything to you, nor are you doing anything to yourself. You're simply releasing from effort and restricting your energies and this great sense of peace and contentment is the natural consequence of doing this.

Now, see if you can look on yourself with shame or anger. See if you can look on others with pity, jealousy or resentment. Notice how the energies associated with these types of feelings and emotions may still be present inside of your awareness, but how you no longer feel attached to them or judgmental towards them - they no longer feel like they ARE you.

Rather, these emotions, or energies that evoke strong memories and make inner-resistances to a healthy flow of energy very apparent, are a "happening", no different from a car passing you by on the street. You always have the choice to attach a lot of meaning in these "passer-bys", whether it be the car in my recent analogy or the emotions, but you also have the choice to ignore them and/or allow them to be as they are.

It's the allowing of things to be as they are which provides us with insight as to who we really are, you see...and I assure you that it is in no way ugly.