My Intro: Seeking Refuge

I'm joking about seeking refuge... If Facebook really bothers me that much I can always delete my account. Definitely looking for a place where blogs are more appreciated than pictures of someone's latest lip gloss or updates about what we're having for lunch. Although lunch is definitely important. Do people talk about food on here? I'm rambling. I do that.

So what do you put in an intro, anyway? That feels like such an overwhelming task. What do I write to help you understand me and where I'm coming from, without writing my life story (which would bore you, and frankly, me too).

Can I cover it in short phrases? That might be fun. Let's try that.

Weird little kid. Walked around with nose in a book. Ran into poles a lot. Refused to say the pledge. Was creepy. The pledge, not me.

Introvert. Socially awkward. Never fit in. Escaped small southern town and over-controlling atmosphere. Went to college, not one of my choosing.

Further efforts to escape control. 19. Got married. Moron. Continued school. Worked at a zoo.

Age 20. Got pregnant. Not planned but happy. Traumatic miscarriage. Got pregnant again on purpose. First baby at 21. Boy.

Age 22. Another miscarriage. 23. Baby. Boy. 25. Baby. Girl. School off and on throughout.

Both boys diagnosed, age 2. "Severe and profound autism".

Growing disillusioned. Studying psychology... Seemed like a waste. All human behavior socially determined anyway. What's "normal"? What's "abnormal"? So much opinion. So subjective. Sick things are sometimes normal and good things are sometimes abnormal? Fuck it.

Divorced at 27. Just never was right. Remarried. PSYCHO ALERT. Psycho psycho psycho. Good blogging material for later, though. Escaped with life intact. Also another miscarriage. Moved, me and three kids, to 2 bedroom apartment. Starting over.

Hated. That. Town.

Went on vacation. Somewhere in Appalachian mountains. Loved it. Saw a house for rent. Put down deposit, went home, packed shit. Moved to Appalachia.

Aaaaaaahhhhhh.

Started writing. Only thing I was ever good at. Started making money. Made a career out of it. Bought a house.

Dating. Meh. Got engaged, wasn't right, little bit nutso, said bye-bye.

Strange chance meeting. Love? What was it? Guy moves in. Guy lives double life. Guy gets caught. Guy gets kicked out. PREGNANCY!!! WHAT THE FUCK.

Wait, no. I can do this.

Amazing pregnancy. Positive thoughts. Healing. Natural birth, like nothing ever happened. Strange, immediate, miraculous recovery. Didn't miss a day of work. Life goes on. Life is amazing. Perfect baby girl.

Matthew. Met during pregnancy. From week two onward, baby's non-bio father.

Was "libertarian". Matthew teaches anarchy. Learning. Growth. This makes more sense.

Arrest (him). Possible prison time. Stress. Upheaval. Difficult relationship. Keep striving. Keep trying. Suicide. He's gone.

Lost.

Hiding. Hibernation. Cocoon. Rest. Healing. Emergence.

Chance meeting. Bought new computer. Jared. He builds and sells. He's an anarchist???? He's cute???? So much like me, but different too. What is this? Is this real? It's so.... easy. Safe. Healthy.

It's real. Really real. Engagement. Move in. Happy. Learning. More discovery.

Here I am.