Accepting Failure and Moving On
So, I’ve been struggling for the past 5 days to write a particular article that’s been on mind for a couple of weeks now. Initially, I thought it would be a breeze because I’m so passionate about the topic. However, for whatever reason, unbeknownst to me, I just haven’t been able to express my thoughts in a clear and concise way.
Honestly, it looks like a complete mess; an incoherent “stream of consciousness” better suited to my journal than the internet.
And it sucks because I’ve been trying so hard to get it right. I’ve literally scrapped everything I’ve written and started over at least 5 times, which is insane because each time I’m writing close to 2,000 words!
My usual process (on a good day) goes relatively smoothly. Typically, I enter a "flow" like state, without stopping to over analyse or correct my spelling and grammar mistakes. (The aim is always to just get the thoughts out of my head.) Then, after a short break or even the following day, I’ll go back with a fresh set of eyes and edit the crap out of it, maybe swapping around a few paragraphs and re-writing certain sentences until it feels “done”.
1-2 days max, it normally takes me write my articles.
This time however, I’ve just been unable to find my rhythm and no amount of coffee breaks or walks in the park to clear my head have been able to help.
Bottom line, it’s just not working. It’s now time to give up and accept that this article may never see the light of day. I mean, we can push and push as much as want, but sometimes we just have to recognise when there’s nothing more we can do and move on. Which I know is so tough for us as writers. We’re perfectionists and we so desperately want to follow through to fruition all our thoughts and ideas.
Who knows, maybe I’ll revisit the article in a few weeks or a month's time, and maybe I won’t.
And that’s okay.
It’s taken me a long time to get this point in my life where I can be compassionate with myself in this kind of situation and not consider myself a failure. The article, yes, is a failure, but definitely not me, as a human being.
I think any ambitious person has grappled with the distinction between those two concepts, because we can identify so strongly with our work and see things not going well as a direct reflection on us personally. Unfortunately, it can be so easy to fall into the trap of needless self-blame, internalising our frustration and convincing ourselves we’re just not good enough.
It really takes a lot of practice and a strong mind to stay on track and not let the disappointment paralyse or sideline us; to remind ourselves that in every struggle, there’s a lesson to be learned.
Personally, in the past, this kind of setback would have set my inner critic into overdrive, filling my head with negativity and self-doubt, preventing me from trying again for well over a month, maybe more.
Nowadays, I’m much quicker at catching those familiar thoughts and replacing them with more positive ones. I’m still not great, nor consistent, but at least this time it’s only taken me 5 days to get over the stress, rather than a month!
If my past disappointments in life have taught me anything, it’s this:
It’s better to get straight back on the horse, than to run the risk of never getting back on at all.
Because the longer you wait, the harder it becomes.
So, here I am, dusting myself off and posting something today, even if it’s not the article I had originally planned. At the end of a day, having the bravery and commitment to keep trying, to keep putting yourself out there and admitting your struggles and your mistakes, can only serve to help, not hinder you in the long run.
That’s my opinion anyway, but I’d love to hear your thoughts. How do you deal with setbacks? Are you prone to negative self-talk and self-doubt?
If you liked this post, you might also be interested in my other articles:
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This happens to me all the time. Things that I thought would be easy to write about end up seeming almost impossible to write about and I put it off or give up.
It's so annoying isn't it!! Here's hoping we find a way to trick our minds hehe! :)
Well Victoria...since you asked...When my body, mind and soul doesn't seem to be in sinc well enough for me to get into the right zone; I open a window to scream and curse at imaginary people passing by.
If that doesn't help, I might have success by changing the music in the background, or turning it off all together, pay my electric and cable bill that I've been putting off with a fussy mind.
Sitting out on the back porch with my sweet kitty cat smiling, and blinking those mysterious eyes at me helps to bring me peace, regardless of how terrible I was feeling.
Reaching out like you are doing here through a post, may be a worthwhile action...who knows...??? A dumb response like mine might be just the ticket to spark the creative genius in you.
I love your response!! <3
You're hilarious btw, which as a sarcastic English person, I really appreciate! :) Perhaps laughter is the key I've been looking for!! ;)
PS - I feel sorry for the "real" people who get caught in the cross-hairs of your swearing out the window!!! hehehe, I can imagine their confused faces now!!
Thanks for commenting, like always! :)
I'm glad that you understand and enjoy my humor; the sarcastic humor of the English is fairly well known. The UK has produced hilarious sitcoms in past years on BBC...I miss them.
What TV shows do you like? I agree, our show are hilarious, but then again, I am biased! :)
I don't watch much TV any more, so the ones I used to watch and love were, Keeping Up Appearances, Are You Being Served, Benny Hill, The Vicar of Dibley, Mr. Bean and of course Monty Python...
That woman on Keeping up Appearances really cracked me up with her antics. Benny Hill was delightfully risque, and I also liked the Slap-Stick nature of the show.
I should tune in to 'Repeats' on YouTube to bring me out of a rut when I get into one.
So glad to have you back, Vic!
It's important to know that your work doesn't have to define who you are as a person.
I've had countless days where I keep frustrating over myself for not being good enough. I became my own demotivator. I didn't feel like writing either and honestly, I wanted to stop. But for some reason, I kept going anyway.
That's what it taught me. It doesn't matter how many times you fall if you keep picking yourself up.
That's the right attitude! (BTW, I never caught your real name, do mind telling me, so I can refer to you properly in the comments? That is, if you want to share it online! (No problem if not!).
Glad to be back. You'll notice this kind of behaviour from me from time to time.. I can get so lost in my head. But I've been working on it, and it's slowly getting better :)
Thank you for taking the time to read my work and leave a comment!
Oh, my real name is the one you're seeing on your screen lol. It's Ayush. It means 'lineage'.
Thanks for letting me know! Such a cool and unique name! :)
Great article! I just finished reading and I have to say that I like hearing how people deal with this kind of situation, especially since I have such a different way of doing things.
When it comes to writing, I usually don't think too much about it, about failing and not creating good content. For me, it's fairly simple - either what I did is good, in which case I'll publish it, or it's not, in which case I'll delete it and I'll try again.
With other things however, like graphic design, things are little different, especially since I know I'm not particularly good at it.
But the way I deal with that is by simply forcing myself to keep working and trying no matter how many times I fail. In my case, waiting and "dealing" with failure just isn't working, and seems like a waste of time, so I just keep trying until I succeed at something, and when I do, I feel really good about it and focus on that feeling and at how happy I am for not giving up.
I guess everyone has a different way of dealing with failure. Some people just keep trying and ignoring everything else, while others reflect on the situation and try to learn from it.
Thanks for sharing your experiences and struggles :)
Hey!
Thanks for letting me know how you deal with this kind of situation! I think you're spot on when you talk about different strategies depending on the task. I'm a bit like you when it comes to something I'm not so experience with...I just keep trying since everything is new and I'm constantly learning. It's a win win.
But when it comes to writing, I've already experienced a certain level of "success", so I'm harder on myself and the pressure makes me second guess everything. But let's see in 1 year's time how my process goes for dealing with "failures" - like anything in life, things change and evolve!
Thanks for taking the time to read and comment, it's much appreciated! :)
After a year things become a lot easier, especially if you write a lot. Writing becomes easier, and you start creating high quality content without investing too much time and effort into it.
Just keep writing and in time you'll learn how to both deal with failure and create content that you're proud of without second guessing everything :)
Thank you for the advice! :)
lovely article, you got my upvote, can you also give me a vote @glory4good
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When I want to write something that I thought would have been so easy and it looks so difficult. I would give myself a break and continue later. It ends up coming out well. I don't give up!
Thanks for sharing your thoughts with us. Nice one!
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Thanks for sharing; I think it's helpful for others to know they're not alone in their struggles. I haven't figured out a sure and fast way that works for me, but I often try things similar to what you mention here. My biggest challenge is usually distraction and reducing or eliminating those is usually helpful. Definitely knowing when to put something down, walk away, and sometimes just let go of it completely. And then having confidence in that decision.