The diary of a Bosnian in Canada
Calm down, this won't be a heart-breaking story. Actually, it's going to be a funny one. But first, I have to give you an introduction. So, here it goes:
Unfortunately, emmigration is a very common thing on the Balkans. There's actually an expression that we say to the foreigners about the Balkans, and it goes like this: "Visit the Balkans before the Balkans visit you!" Because of both World Wars, and also because the war during the 90's (especially during that war), a lot of Bosnians and Croats ran away, not just from the war, but to find a job and earn some money. Most of them immigrated to Germany or Sweden, but a lot of them also immigrated to Australia, the USA or Canada.
There's a good joke about a Bosnian in Canada, and since it's winter time on the Balkans now (just like in Canada) and everything is covered in snow (again, just like in Canada), I remembered the joke today and decided to share it with you. The original joke is not written in English, but I was kind enough to translate it to English, so that everyone can read it (I know, I know, I'm a real cavalier).
So, the story goes something like this:
August 12th: We just moved in our new home in Canada. I'm so excited! It's so beautiful here! The mountains are stunning! I can't wait to see them covered in snow!
October 14th: This is the most beautiful country in the World! The leaves' color changed to wonderful shades of yellow and orange. I drove through the countryside and saw a few deers. They're so elegant! These are the most beautiful animals in the World! This has to be Heaven! I love Canada!
November 11th: Remembrance Day (Canadian holiday). Deer hunting season will start soon. I can't understand how could someone kill such a wonderful animal! I hope it will start snowing soon. It's so wonderful here!
December 2nd: The first snow fell last night. I woke up in the morning to see everything covered in snow. Everything looks like the most beautiful postcard! We went outside, cleaned the stairway and the driveway and then had a snowball fight (I won!). After the snowplow passed by our house, we had to clean the driveway again. What a wonderful country! I love Canada!
December 12th: The snow fell again tonight. The snowplow passed again and covered our driveway again. It's really beautiful here!
December 19th: Last night the snow was falling again! I couldn't take the car out of the garage to go to work. It's really beautiful here, but I'm very tired due to the snow cleaning. Fucking snowplow again!
December 22nd: This white crap was falling all night! I got blisters because of all the snow cleaning and my back hurts! It feels like the snowplow jackass is just waiting behind the corner for me to clean my driveway, so he could pass by my house with the snowplow! Asshole!
December 25th: Merry fucking Christmas! More of the white crap! If I ever catch that faggot driving the snowplow, I'm gonna fucking kill him! Why the fuck don't they sprinkle more salt on the road so that the snow melts before?!
December 27th: More snow fell last night. I haven't gone out for three days, except for cleaning the snow after the snowplow passed by. I can't go anywhere because my car got stuck in the snowpile in front of the house and it's freezing! The weather forecast for tonight is 30 new centimeters of the white crap.
December 28th: The weather forecast was incorrect. 50 new centimeters in the end. If it continues to fall like this, the snow won't melt until the summer! The snowplow got stuck and the asshole came to my house to ask me for a shovel. I told him that I broke six shovels cleaning the snow that he rammed in front of my house and I barely controlled myself not to break the shovel on his head!
January 4th: I finally got out of the house! I went to the store to buy some groceries, and when I was coming back home, I bumped a deer. Three thousand dollars for fixing the damage on the car! Those fucking beasts should be killed! Why the fuck didn't the fucking hunters kill them all last autumn?!
May 3rd: I took the car to the mechanic. It's unbelievable how much it rusted because of all the fucking salt that had been sprinkled all fucking winter long!
May 10th: That's it! I've fucking had enough! I'm moving to Florida! I can't imagine how could anyone normal live in this fucking country!?
The End
Well, that's the story. I hope you liked it. Tomorrow I'm gonna tell you how did our jolly little Bosnian cope in Florida. Cheers!
Pero