Republican West Virginia State Senator Arrested for Masturbating in Casino

MAGA West Virginia state Sen. Mike Maroney (R) has been arrested after two female employees at “Konnies Kastle” casino caught him sexually gratifying himself on their video surveillance. State Senator Maroney, who is also a medical doctor, was booked at the Northern Regional Jail Tuesday evening after being arrested by police and charged with disorderly conduct and indecent exposure. He has temporarily been relieved of his committee assignment as “Chairman of the Senate Committee on Health and Human Resources.” Records show this wasn’t Maroney’s first arrest. He was also arrested back in 2019 for soliciting prostitution."

Hey, now come on, people! The man obviously has a “masturbation addiction,” so how about giving the poor fellow a break? After all, he’s dealing with a serious addiction here - and he’s trying really hard to beat it. Too bad it wasn’t fellow Republican Lauren Boebert working surveillance security. I’m sure she would have been more than happy to lend him a “helping hand.” I can see her now, "Excuse me, sir! I'm going to have to ask you to cum with me.” That said, what kind of “woke liberal hell” are we living in when a Christian patriot like “Boney Maroney” can't even rub one off on a casino floor?

Now, the police report states surveillance video shows Maroney was caught masturbating in the area around where the slot machines are, so my guess is his lawyers will try and blame it all on those damned “one-armed bandits.” Apparently, what we have is one hand that’s pulling the slot handle and the other pulling something else. I mean, its really no big wonder why Sen. Maroney got caught. Hell, as soon as he finished pleasuring himself, all the nearby slot machines went off with a loud, “Ding, Ding, Ding, Ding, Ding, Ding, Ding!” Forget “Texas Hold’em,” this is how you play “West Virginia Hold’em.”

Meanwhile, there’s no question that this incident could be politically damaging to Maroney. Why, you ask? Because Sen. Maroney is a MAGA Republican conservative, and those slot machines where he beat-off were all “progressive slots.” Frankly, I just don’t get why a guy like Maroney would risk his reputation and political career by masturbating in front of a slot machine. I mean, most of the slot machines I’ve ever seen weren't all that cute, anyway. I guess old “Maroney” just enjoys displaying his “baloney.”

That said, I did take a look at some pics of that “Konnies Kastle” casino where he was arrested, which were posted online (above). Now, is it just me, or does this joint remind you of exactly the kind of place where Rudy Giuliani would hold a press conference? And what I really don’t get is this; given that the “Konnies Kastle” casino is located deep inside MAGA Republican West Virginia, why are there only two “Ks” above the damn door? Anyway, so this guy was Chairman of the Senate Committee on Health and Human Resources? Hell, forget that? What they should have put him in charge of was "erection integrity."

Now, I realize Libtards may ask, “If his compulsion to masturbate was that strong, why didn’t he just use a restroom?” Well, the answer’s pretty simple. These MAGA Republicans are good “Christian Family Values” people, and restrooms these days are full of disgusting drag queens and transgender people, and good Christian Nationalists like Maroney do not want to be seen around those perverts. So, what’s next? Why, the Republican West Virginia Senate will form a committee to “investigate the constitutionality of surveillance cameras in casinos.” That's what!