Embarrassed Foreign Office Tells Naughty Britons Abroad To Return Immediately

FCO: “Get your fucking fat, and sunburned ass back to the UK ASAP.”

Britons abroad have been told to return to the UK immediately. While the official line from No10 is a mounting concern for available return flights, a senior source close to the policy unit stated: “The foreign office hotline is receiving more and more calls from local police forces abroad, requesting to repatriate our nationals abroad”.
The FCO issued its latest advice saying that British citizens living in the UK should sober up immediately and return home straight away.

A senior FCO official added:

“We are alarmed by the sheer volume and nature of complaints from abroad. It is clear that a large contingent of English holidaymakers is not only ignoring social distancing advice but that local authorities are openly challenged and defied”.
Another FCO official familiar with repatriation efforts told us:

“We have mobilised all FCO call centres to call all Britons and persuade them to return. Those call centres are war-zones at the moment. The gloves are off. If you are a misbehaving British tourist, you either get your fucking fat and sunburned ass back to the UK, or we issue the local authorities a license to kill”.

Dominic Raab, the foreign secretary, said: “Our staff are working round the clock to give advice and offer support to those law enforcement agencies that have to deal with British tourists. If you are on holiday abroad and naughty, now is the time to come home before police forces around the globe become trigger-happy. Or as one of our international partners told us: We're about to kill those English tourist bastards”.

ENDS