The Not-So-Serious World #2: The Loss of Wisdom (Teeth)

In a world that continues to bombard us with news of tragedies, violence, hatred and evil, I can’t help but think we need to shed some light on the finer things in life. Or perhaps if not “finer”, then at least the things that bring us little moments of joy and laughter. Thus, the second installment of The Not-So-Serious World…

While I may be 15 years older than the normal age of extraction, I nonetheless, had all four of my pearly wisdom teeth removed just a few weeks ago. This was quite the adventure and an admittedly fear-inducing experience for me. Yet, I am proud to report, as the last of my cheek soreness abates, that I did survive! Along those lines, here are the high points:

Pre Slice & Dice: During the drive to the oral surgeon, I continued to exhibit my impressive male nonchalance assuring my wife that “No, no, no, no…..no…..No, sweetheart, I’m not nervous at all”. Which was entirely factual if you discounted my internal monologue, set at volume 10, blaring “WARNING: You’re about to get CUT, bro!”

Upon arrival, the nurses put me at ease by making me sign plenty of consent forms that assured me that if I in fact, did die, it was certainly not the practice’s fault.

Slice & Dice: Slipping into the comfortable dental chair (coffin), I could really feel the butterflies start to grow. The attending nurse was actually quite kind, and I had the first ray of hope shine through my cloud of impending doom when we discussed the sedation. See, I had made the mistake of looking up the stats on the number of people that die from anesthesia overdoses before my appointment, and consequently, had come to the scientific conclusion that I was “f*cked”.

So with this in mind, I asked the nurse if they could, “Go light on the sedation?” Surprisingly, she said that’s actually the kind of sedation they do - referred to as “light sedation”, I would still be awake, but just feeling good and relaxed. This was music to my ears. What followed was nothing short of fascinating, as after I survived the oral stabbing via novocaine syringe, I did in fact, become quite happy and removed from the persisting moment with the IV flowing.

I then enjoyed what I later referred to as being “30% awake”. To be honest, if the doc would have removed the machinery that was ripping my wisdom pearls to pieces out of my mouth, I probably would have smiled broadly. Nonetheless, I sat there comfortably (and oddly) thrilled that a drill was going 7k RPMs into my bottom left molar, then top left, bottom right, and finally top right. As confirmation that I didn’t in fact dream these pleasantries, the nurse later agreed when I asked if we had the following conversation: Nurse - “Just one more to go!” Me - “Mmrrraaaaauuuugh?!” (Happily surprised noise with gauze, gore and steel dental equipment in my mouth).

Post Slice & Dice: As the doc fled the room (I had the feeling he does about three dozen of these procedures a week, reinforced by his lack of small talk, limited availability, and the pristine office that somehow transcended “luxurious" and "sterile" beautifully), I came to the incredible and liberating revelation that I had…survived! The sheer joy, my God, I wasn’t a statistic but a proud owner of less teeth and a hell of a dental bill! The jubilation!….the glee!…..freedom! life!….hold on a second, ah yes: I was high.

And a fine high it was. The wife stifled a chuckle when I came out, also glad I survived but with far less fear to begin with (she had hers out at the normal age), and quickly assumed the role of motherly figure as she escorted me to the car. We then drove to the pharmacy, and as I was absolutely positive that the Publix representative couldn’t tell from the chipmunk cheeks and goofy smile, I made sure to point to my face and explain “Ah had mah wizm teeth ow!!”

After some snoozing and a surprisingly little amount of pain medication, the whole episode was soon finished a few days later. I am now happily back to biting apples and am one more member of the public who is 4 teeth short of a full mouth.

So cheers to all you other wisdomless folks out there! After all, we’re survivors!

All images provided by Pixabay