The Diary ~ January 5th 1989
Not much progress today, researched how to move 200 pounds with ease and didn’t find many options. One book said to get a moving company, the other said ask 3 friends to help you. Well, I don’t think a moving company or my friends are going to want to help me kill my parents; they will most likely call the police before I can finish; not an option. The book also said that I could use a cart with wheels; which seems acceptable.
My rough plan is; I tell my parents that I need to go to the warehouse because I left a school book there when I was with my Father. I will entice my Father by asking while we are there can I watch one of his video’s. My Mother will say she doesn’t want to go, but I will tell her I need her to go because the Spring Formal is March 8th and I need a dress. That I have been asked by the most popular boy at school, Cole, to go and she will run to the car. Once in the car, I will offer to pay for coffee on the way and go in and get it, putting the drug in there. Once we are to the warehouse, depending on how long it takes to work, I may not have to move them at all.
Natalie says it takes about 20 minutes for her and she is my size, but that is one whole pill. Cole told me that if you crush it up; it is faster. Natalie hates the taste of the crushed up pill, she puts it in coffee and she said you never taste it. The coffee run is normal routine when my Father and I go to the warehouse, so no raised suspicions there. My Mother loves coffee, more than hurting people, so she will be thrilled to down the coffee. I am thinking 5 for my Mom and 8 for my Father. That should knock them out. I will kill my Mother while she is asleep, don’t care if she knows it was me, and just want her gone is enough. I will tie my Father up with the straps he has. He told me they are strong enough that a 300 pound man could not break free, so I should be good. I will wait for him to wake up and kill him as he watches me do it. Then I will call the police, report what I did. I will tell the police my parents left my brother locked in his room, alone at home and wait for them to come to arrest me.
That is my plan and now I just have to run it a couple of times to make sure it works. I can’t use their car; but I can use a taxi and check the timing. I also have thought about drugging a person their size, following them to see how long it takes for it to work and using that as a guide too. I may have to extend our trip to the warehouse and makeup something else. I want to make sure that I have every obstacle covered. All I know is that either they or I are not leaving that warehouse.
The one obstacle that I have thought about frequently is what if it all goes wrong. They realize what I am doing. To cover, if it all goes wrong, the last time I went to the warehouse, I put a knife in the bathroom. I will stay away from my parents and if they begin to suspect or outright know, I will run to the bathroom and slit my throat. The punishment will be more than I could handle and this way I have a way out. I don’t have to endure it anymore. Maybe if I get to heaven afterward, God will say I have paid for my past sins and I can be reborn into a good family or I can forget this life and be happy with the angels. I have also thought there may not be God or Heaven and only darkness. If it is true that they don’t exist and there is only darkness, it’s a lot better than living here.
I thought of my brother as well, if I have to commit suicide I have asked Natalie to mail a package for me or give it to the police. It is all the video’s I have been taken. This way they will know and arrest my parents and Charlie can go to good people. I really do believe that Natalie’s parents would take him in. She would be so overwhelmingly sad for him and want to save him. She is that type of Mom; she would believe their love would fix him. I believe her too.
Oh, day 3 of videoing the abuse. I have only recorded my Father, as I have a doctor’s appointment and my Mother will not risk a beating before that. I will have to wait until the night of my doctor’s appointment. She will have a lot of stress and anger built up by then and need to release it all on me; should make for good evidence. I cannot bring myself to watch the video’s as enduring it in real time is enough, watching it as a TV show would be too much. I do check every morning to make sure it did record, and then I put in a new tape. I keep the tapes and camera with me at all times to make sure they are not discovered.