"I am married and have fallen in love with a young girl. Help!" - Why to be truthful in life.
Excerpt: while walking the path of enlightenment, old norms and rules of conduct are challenged constantly. We must look for deeper reasons, from the consciousness level, for our deeds and actions. If we choose to be faithful it must be done because we want to be true to ourselves, not because it's "the right thing to do", or "we don't want to hurt the other". As you may notice I keep returning to the issue of fidelity in a relationship because if you are to go forward on the path of enlightenment you must be totally honest in your lives. Not lying is not easy. Each day I am facing this situation in the business world I am involved in. I could have been richer and more "successful" if I lied here and there; if I manipulated some situations; if I gave in to the norm of dishonesty. But no, I have decided to be truthful, not to lie, for a very important reason which I explain below.
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Hi,
I am 29 years old and I have a huge crush on a cute 19-year-old girl who works with me at the office. What’s the problem? Well, I am married!
My wife is really cool and doesn’t care if I go out by myself or travel without her for a week or more. I have such a good wife who trusts me and gives me freedom as if I were single. On one of those trips, I found myself falling in love with the secretary from my workplace. We had lots of fun together; we fooled around but didn’t have sex. Not that I didn’t want to, but I am married!
Now I am back at the office and always look for her company… she is so sexy, expressing sexsexsex. It drives me crazy… today she didn’t show up at work and I miss her terribly.
Help me! How can I get this nonsense out of my head?!
Angelo
Angelo,
The girl from the office expresses sexsexsex because this is what you want to see. It may indeed be that she is more open with you than with others but only because she knows you are married and considers you to be a colleague who she can trust. Is she too naïve, Angelo?
Regarding the issue of fidelity and your conscience – eventually, you have to live with yourself. Remember that cheating is a severe act that means you have crossed a red line. It nearly always marks a grave deterioration of the relationship which then ends in separation.
It would, therefore, be wise and beneficial for you to check now what caused you to fall in love; what beliefs and feelings created that situation; **what do you lack in your current relationship that cannot be fulfilled with your wife?! **
Choosing to get married is a sacred decision in one’s life. If you married for the appropriate reasons and out of love, then temporarily losing Eros would not be a reason to divorce or cheat. The solution is to go through a thorough inner search, if possible with your spouse.
I have written before about polyamory and that it may take certain conditions to remain with the same person for a long time. It certainly is possible and even advisable as it has many advantages, but only as long as the situation does not contradict your own personal development.
Here is a quote from an answer I gave a while ago to a guy who is in a similar situation, haunted by his lust for another girl -
This desire comes from the need to get to know other aspects within you. It's not the sexy woman at work who attracts you, but the way you act in her company, the freedom you allow yourself that remains suppressed in your legal marriage. Don't kid yourself - if you go with that woman then soon enough you will need to cheat on her too because you will not have satisfied the thirst to get to know yourself !
macorig
Angelo, you are now standing at the edge of a pitfall. You have not cheated yet because it seems to you to be an immoral act. While questions of morality are put aside on the path to enlightenment, as we constantly check our boundaries, they have served you well. My strongest advice to you is - act with honesty! Do not cheat on your spouse.
The simple yet profound reason for being honest
When you lie to other people, be it an act of infidelity or in words, you are building up a thick veil between you and your soul self. You are putting a block, a curtain stronger than steel, between the human self, Angelo, and the soul self - The divine Angelo. Enlightenment in such conditions is almost impossible. Lying is the worst thing you could do to yourself, much much worse than facing this inner passion towards the other woman or having to deal with the reaction of your wife when you tell her about your crush.
Mark my words - lying to your wife or to other people block your way to enlightenment. It would take you years and decades to clear the situation, to lower the veil, and to allow again, the free connection between you and your divinity.
That's it. You heard the message. Now it's all up to you.
Good luck!
Sometimes I laugh when I get to hear the crazy reasons why people fall in love, date and even get married. A young lady once told me that she loves her boyfriend because he is fair, another guy said he wants to marry a particular lady
because she can speak fluently, a coursemate of mine once said she wants to marry a Yoruba
guy, a girl said she loves her fiancee because he is rich, fair, and handsome. Then it dawn on me that most of the relationships these days are based on lust and infatuations. Some people fall
in love with a girl because she has beautiful legs and walking steps. Why some will say "I love your, lips, hips and your finger tips" all based on
the outward appearance. I don't know if you have ever thought of the fact that what happens when the rich man you once loved becomes poor, or
the fair guy becomes darker, what happens when that attractive lady you fell in love with, had an accident and became less attractive? love expires then? An old African proverb said "He who loves a vase, loves also what's inside" love shouldn't be based on our own selfish reasons, love is pure, selfless, patient, kind, It has no
condition. One attribute of God is love, he loved us even in our state of ignorance. That's how it should be, love a lady and love her crazy character, her tantrums, her moodswings, her jealousy, her flaws, her everything. Love a guy and love also his shortcomings, his arrogance, his anger, his annoying characters. That's love.........
... and this is why a healthy, balanced and long-term relationship can happen only between two people who love themselves. Then, and only then, they don't look for another to fill their lacks and gaps.
I liked the rhymes ;-)👍
This is too much. maximum men's are lied their wife, they are cheated their wife. wife's are trustrd their husband from their heart but men's are cheated with wife. this is reality in every nation. alaways girls are helpless by men. i can't understand why they are do this? office girl colleague look sexy so what??? look Angelo if your relative or your any family members look very sexy, then you can same feeling on them???
if its happend on with your sisters, her husband like you! then what you do? every wife is whom sisters, whom daughters so please change your thought change your mind.
@nomad-magus i am sorry to say for my comments today but now i feel very bad when i read his problem.. you give him a good advise, thanks for that.
You really don't need to feel bad. This is an issue that is deep-rooted in men and women in our current world, and we are changing this, by changing ourselves first.
And mind you, it's an energy issue not a gender/race/nation one. Meaning, women can cheat too.
Let's trust that in time more wisdom will come upon earth and lying will be gone from our lives.
Thanks for your heart-felt comment 🙏
hahaha thanks @nomad-magus. you are really great. one of my favourite person, not only this comnunity, in my life also.
😉☺️
In my opinion, we can find these type of stories in many cases and i want to say one thing that, our world is one way or other way related to the spirituality, and this formula is also have to be used in any type of relationships because if you create an spiritual connection with your Wife/Husband then you will connect with the soul and soul doesn't need any physical addiction and when we just admire the flesh means just physical body and appearance then the chances of immorality will increase because you are addicted to flesh or physical body and you don't have spiritual connection with one soul, so we should try to develop the spiritual connection because that will reduce the effect of infatuation. Thanks for sharing and wishing you an great day. Stay blessed. 🙂
"if you create an spiritual connection with your Wife/Husband then you will connect with the soul"
My experience tells me it's the other way around.
Nice to hear that, because every experience is important to move towards real evolution of life. Diversified experiences will help to reach great reality. Thank you. 🙂
Breathing out, I smile. “If I had to limit my advice on healthier living to just one tip, it would be simply to learn how to breathe correctly
obviously he needs to check
if he is completely satisfied with current relation
it will not have happened
i think it is lust nothing else
you must be able to have patience will get a satisfactory result for what it seeks. Of course, any attempt at patience in holding back emotions will give a good result than if we are facing problems with emotion. With patience, all problems can be solved well. You will also be able to get a good solution when solving it with a cool head. @nomad-magus
Being faithful and monogamous is not natural for human beings. It takes work. Deep down we all know that. We have all been tempted to stray at some point or another. Even when it was only a fleeting thought and we didn't act on it. Every time we acknowledge that someone of the opposite sex is "attractive" or"sexy" we are doing nothing other than pointing out that they would bea suitable mate. Not acting on that natural impulse to want to mate with a viable mating partner requires a conscious decision. It's a constant struggle between what your body wants, and what the civilized part of your brain says you should do, in order to avoid the negative consequences of cheating on your spouse and ruining your long-term relationship. That's why affairs, and extra-marital sex, are often referred to as "a moment of weakness.
There is a huge importance of truth in life , coz we can't disguise ourself of what we are not. Being true to others make strong relations. Though, might be they can be less, but they will be genuine. And foremost thing, a single lie arises thousand lies ahead. So better follow the truth.
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