Our Homeless Experience 7: The Homeless Shelter, Part 2
Warning: This post talks about violence and domestic abuse.
Two nights ago there was a commotion in the apartment above ours. It was late, we'd already been in bed a few hours and luckily my trio are sound sleepers. They have yet to be woken by the disturbances of nightime.
This time was louder, there was a lot of stomping and shouting. It sounded like they were going to come through the floor.
The next morning I was grabbed and asked "Did you hear what happened?!"
Apparently she stabbed him. Twice. And in order to avoid jail she purposely overdosed. Ah. Of course. Selfish people. My first thought is of their little boy.
How can these parents subject their babies to this?! You have created a person. The most precious person in your life.
The young woman who told me what had happened works with me. She lives upstairs in the permanent apartments.
Just a few weeks ago she was down here in the shelter, where she is NOT supposed to be, full on brawling with another woman. Apparently this woman was caught on camera sneaking into my co-worker's place to steal some items.
That same night another couple were fighting in the common area.
I am thought of as being quite stuck up around here. The reality is I refuse to invite any of these people into my life. I will not allow their drama become mine.
The young couple with the cutest little girl in the apartment next to mine in the shelter were asked to leave the shelter when he beat her and she refuses to let them send only him away.
The woman across the hall had to leave with her little boy because of drugs. A single mom with two girls and a bot is there now. She has a drug problem as well and is constantly yelling at them, but she actually seems to be trying.
The reality is this. Homelessness is the single most stressful time of my entire life. And I am a remarkably mellow person. I can only imagine how the stress affects the more high strung among our population. Those with mental disorders, addictions or just have no coping skills.
It brings out the worst in people. And then they stick all of these people in similar stressed out situations right on top of each other and expect the anxiety and anger in them to not bounce around and amp everyone up.
I guarantee that statistic is higher for homeless folks. The vulnerable. The impoverished.
This mess is from a couple that live with their two children on the second floor. When he gets angry, he throws their stuff out the window. Children's toys, clothes, her purse, cutlery, anything that will fit out the hole in the screen.
This picture is from the second time he'd done it in three days. He did not have to clean up his mess. They still live here.
About a month ago my children and I were outside waiting for a ride to the grocer. Half a block down a woman turns onto the street next to the church.
Moments later she is screaming for help, shrill, anguished screams.
The first instinct is to run to her, help her, SAVE her. But my people were with me. Secondary instinct kicked in. I brought my babies back inside and called the police.
I even stepped back outside to try and flag down a cop driving by. Excuse my language but the mother fucker looked at me, waved and kept driving.
Fifteen minutes later an officer shows up, takes my name and number, then drives off to the Domiano Center, the direction the woman had been heading. I have no idea if they ever found her.
In coming to the shelter we were seperated from our dogs. Our protection and security. When we go out in this neighborhood, I keep my hand on my phone at all times and keep my head on a swivel.
The police are at our building every day. My coworker has been investigated by CPS multiple times. Her boy witnessed her being chased through their apartment with a knife after she slept with another woman's boyfriend.
"Helping children recover from the trauma of homelessness." That's the shelter's creed, remember?
These eyes have never seen blood on the snow before we came here. These eyes have never seen a man shove a woman into a door before. Her ears have never before heard her neighbors children wailing while the parents scream.
When we are out of here I am planning a strongly worded letter to CPS. Thanking them for sending us to a place they visit so frequently. For tearing us out of our solitute and taking a part of my children's innocence. Why do they not have to answer for their wrong doing???
This cycle has to stop. The energy of this whole building is foul and angry and sad. Soon, you guys, soon.
This post has been Resteemed and Upvoted by @familyprotection
are using "Child Protection Agencies"
to take children away from loving families
and place them in foster care or group homes
or put up for adoption.
THESE FAMILIES NEED PROTECTING.
UPVOTE This Comment .. & .. DONATE a Portion of the Liquid Rewards from this post,
TO HELP US HELP FAMILIES IN CRISIS. *** { How Do I Donate? } **
Thank you!!!
I would advise writing a VERY strongly written letter to CPS, put it in an envelope, seal it, then rip it to shreds and put it in the trash. Get it all off your chest, but don't provoke them. It's completely unfair what they are able to do, they deserve every word in that letter. But don't dare send it. Do what is best for your family. I'm so sorry for your situation. @ironshield
Sending such a letter now would probably be a bad idea - the CPS may decide it's better to send the kids to a foster home instead of letting them stay with the mother in that shelter - but how can the world ever become a better place if one should just accept injustice without even telling about it?
I believe the right thing to do would be to try to mellow out, write a letter and explain how much stress the family has been through - but in a factual, neutral tone and without any finger pointing - and send it whenever the situation has stabilized (with "homelessness" not being a topic anymore).
Perhaps ... just perhaps, the next time such a case appears, the employee on the CPS will agree it's better for the child to stay in a camper than staying in the shelter. Perhaps ... just perhaps, the CPS will intervene and look a bit into the conditions in the shelter. Perhaps it's unlikely, but it's even more unlikely such things will happen without the letter!
Agreed. It's best to get it off your chest, but never, ever send it. It's a shame we you have to live in fear of this illegal agency, but for now that is the way it is.
Oh gosh. Her face :( Fragile like fine china. There is no removing all the horrible events she's seen. That all of you have seen. I encourage you to write that letter, and to go even higher. Attack where it need to be hit hard to change the system. I support you in every way. Make them pay for all the damages. CPS sent you there, have them pay for the healing part that you and yours have to face. The good is on your side. We all are on your side xxx. Big hugs, and hug your little ones too for me. I pray for a veil of protection of yous. <3
And then again, she has a robust mother to lean to, that matters a lot. The trauma of being on the other side of the wall when something like this happens is probably very minor compared to the trauma of being in the middle of the situation.
In a well-functioning system, the CPS and the shelter would cooperate with each other and with the parents to "help children recover from the trauma of homelessness", i.e. by arranging some activities for the children after school, let them experience some fun, love, care and hope, do checkups that the parents stay sober and drug-free, give people hope and help rather than stressful notes that "your time is out", offer parental training, and ... in the worst case, some people really are not fit for being parents, their children would probably be better off in foster care than staying with their parent(s), and the shelter would probably be much better off without those parents staying there.
Neither the CPS nor the the shelter is doing a good job here, neither in "sheltering", "helping children recover from the trauma of homelessness", nor "protecting children".
Why is it like this? Is it incompetence? Is it corruption? Or is it just a lack of information - like the CPS believing everything is OK and normal inside the shelter?
Most of the times, from what I am seeing, CPS is out there to do more damage than good. On the rare occasions there is good being done. Why is it like this? Corruption of course. The power. It is exactly like what was done to the native americans. They took the children out of their homes and put in residential schools trying to "take the indian out of them" saying the only indian left in them will be their blood. It is the exact same thing. Just different context.
In my book, it's "corruption" when someone with decision power is deliberately making choices to the favor of someone, possibly getting kickbacks, money under the table, other services or maybe even just a smile and a pat on the back. Like, if the shelter would get more income due to the decisions of the CPS, and the CPS would receive some funding from the shelter, that's a very clear case of corruption.
I fail to see the relevance of the indian campaign. Sending @hickorymack to the shelter was indeed quite bad work. I seriously hope the reason is that the lady in the CPS does not know how bad the shelter is - but a well-working CPS would do steps to take proper care of the other children in the shelter as well - and I do believe that includes taking them away from their parents if needed. I find it hard to believe violent parents can be good parents. Then again, I believe violence is much more accepted in the US than here.
I agree, CPS did not do a good job at all. I see a lot of people not wanting to do their jobs properly but want to get paid top dollar. Its a backwards world out there.
Even where I live, CPS is working just like the states. The good people around me are struggling to protect their kids, and yet the bad parents are allowed their children... Only one family that I know of that shouldn't have their children has had them taken away, BUT she was able to get one back and she had another baby. CPS is now looking away like if nothing happened. Yet the good parents are fighting the battle of their lives to keep their children home. :( I don't live in the States, these stories are everywhere.
I somehow don't believe people end up working for the CPS to earn "top dollar", probably the salary for working for the CPS isn't the best.
I tend to believe in the best in people. The CPS would probably have worked out very well mot of the time if it was staffed with people that came to the CPS because they wanted to do a difference, truly cares about children, and - perhaps equally important, get to see positive results from the work they do, gets to see the smile on the faces of children rescued, as well as positive feedback on the work they do.
Now, the reality is probably quite grim:
The employees in the CPS gets to see the worst of humanity, the worst dramas and worst problems.
The employees in the CPS gets almost no positive feedback, only negative. Damned if they do, damned if they don't - the CPS gets criticized if they take away children, and they get criticized if they don't intervene as well. Even with a well-working CPS, the press will always report on the bad news. Even in cases where the CPS is obviously right to take away the child, the press will blame the CPS for doing the wrong thing - as only one part of the story can be told, the employees in the CPS cannot and should not comment on the cases or persons they are dealing with.
The employees in the CPS has limited possibilities and resources to really do things better for the children. Like, if the only options on the table is to either leave the children homeless out on the street in the cold in the middle of the winter or to let them into such a family shelter, then nothing is right. Foster care or orphanage homes are also seldom a good solution, it may just be merely better than leaving the children with people that shouldn't have become parents in the first place.
Many of the children they deal with are already sufficiently scarred by traumas that they will never smile. Many of the children they deal with are difficult to handle.
The CPS should work with and cooperate with the parents - but there is a big stigma with getting involved with the CPS, and there is also a big stress knowing that the people on the CPS can take away the children even without a court order (jurisdictional differences apply, of course), hence the parents are seldom in the mood for a friendly cooperation with the CPS.
Many of the bureaucrats at the CPS probably don't get to see and meet the children much, for them they're just objects in a file.
Under such conditions, even the best people tend to get broken down, demotivated, even "dehumanized" and do a poor job - well, actually not, the best people will for sure resign and find some more positive work to do.
Sorry that I didn't be precise enough in what I was saying, I didn't mean people working for CPS would be there for top dollar, I meant in general, all different fields of work.
In a perfect world with a perfect government with a perfect system, all your points would be true. I do believe that people start to work for CPS for the greater good but from what I am seeing good families are being ripped apart. I cannot give the information I have as an example, but once my friend is feeling confident to write about it, I will share her story and then you can see it for yourself on how the system really is. The system does feel corrupted, it may be corrupted, but there is something I seen earlier that made me thinks... what if the system was not corrupted but was built that way?
I do agree with you when you say "even the best people tend to get broken down..." that is not a job that I would be able to handle. I would break down in a million pieces.
The part about the innocent eyes that never saw these violent things before going to the shelter hits me hard.. Its unbelievable that you were forced to go there, as if its a good environment .. I hope with all my heart you and your sweet children will be able to move on really soon.. you are strong I can read that in your posts, but especially for your little ones this should be put to an end soon
It still blows me away. We had been spending our nights here and there until we begane staying in a church parking lot, with the Pastor's knowledge.
He would come out now and then, ask if we needes anything and generally leave us be. It was completely drama free, quiet and safe.
Nothing like here.
Such a big difference.. and much better for the children it seems.. and even then they must interfere.. the world has gone mad I believe when I read things like these.. I hope that you will be "free" from their interference really soon!
I just found your post in the feed...Went back and read your posts from the beginning...
Glad to see you being a very good mom, most of the children there would be going through a lot worse, when their parent are addicts or abusive...
In Oklahoma, a woman can be can charged with "Failure to Protect," if her partner beats her up in front of her children. In fact, last year a woman was choked by her boyfriend, and rendered unconscious. CPS charged her with FTP, and the woman went to prison. That's right. The VICTIM of abuse went to jail. Of course, CPS took the children. It is out of control, especially in Oklahoma. We have the number one incarceration rate for women, in the nation. Now you know one of the reasons why.
im sorry to hear about that. sounds like the system is broken
Oh my gosh that is so rotten! It sounds so oppresive, I'm so sorry. :'(
That is one of THE most ridiculous laws I've ever heard! WTF??? Sorry for that but come on. If a law is given like that then the government should pay for women to learn self defense starting at the age of 6. What kind of ... of... person would make a law like that? A man that beats his woman and doesnt want to pay the consequence? How do you fight a law like that? Omg I could just go on, on how wrong this is in many different scenarios. Just wow. That is maddening >:(
Yep. It is insane. There was a story in the paper last year about a woman who was rendered unconscious at the hands of her abuser, and sure enough, CPS stepped in, and took her children away, AND charged her with "Failure to Protect." How the 'ell is someone supposed to protect their children when they are unconscious? Seriously? But, you see, we have 9 private prisons here, and the state is hit with a hefty fine if they fall below occupancy quotas. The state has to maintain their prisoner populations. It's a huge mess that has destroyed Oklahoma. The top three expenditures for the state in 2017 were the Dept. of Health, the Dept. of Corrections, and the Dept. of Transportation.
The Department of Education didn't even make the top ten.
http://oklahomawatchdata.org/state-salaries
Massive corruption abounds, and it has done nothing but send this state right into the bottom of the barrel. It's the dregs of the swamp, so to speak, and the children of Oklahoma are the ones who are not only paying the price, but they are also the ones who will be tasked with attempting to clean up this huge mess.
The state itself should be charged with "Failure to Protect," but that is just my humble opinion.
A quota to fill the prisoner population... what in the world?? Increase crime populations to fill the quota or make absurd laws to make it happen. Not a place I would want to visit. How is it that there is still a population there?
Oklahoma isn't the only state where this is occurring:
"Report Finds Two-Thirds of Private Prison Contracts Include “Lockup Quotas”"
"An analysis of private prison contracts from across the United States reveals that state and local governments commonly enter into agreements that require them to keep prisons filled or pay for unused, empty beds."
Source:
https://www.prisonlegalnews.org/news/2015/jul/31/report-finds-two-thirds-private-prison-contracts-include-lockup-quotas/
That's just sick!
Agreed. It's sad, too. My apologies for hijacking @hickorymack 's post, the problems are all inter-related, and the more we all know about it, the more effectively we can take action in our own communities. The current system is simply non-sustainable, IMO, and will eventually devour itself. That being said, it is likely to devour innocent people as well. We just cannot let that happen.
The fight is there and its real. We need strong people to fight back.
That's hard to believe. Do you have sources?
Well, I've heard of ladies having miscarriages and getting sent for decades in prison in jurisdictions where abortion is illegal.
It is hard to believe. Sadly, it is true.
Here is the law: http://www.oklegislature.gov/cf_pdf/2011-12%20INT/sb/sb1426%20int.pdf
The article to which I previously referred, regarding the woman who was left unconscious, that story was in the Daily Oklahoman, I still have a hard copy. Tracking it down online should be easy, but honestly, I don't have the heart to do so right now. However, here is an excerpt from an article regarding a high-profile case, in which a similar thing occurred:
'Failure to Protect' Laws Punish Victims of Domestic Violence. ... In Oklahoma, a state with some of the highest child abuse rates in the nation, enabling child abuse is a felony that carries the same penalties as active child abuse.
In 2006, Robert Braxton, Jr., pled guilty to abusing his girlfriend’s three-month-old daughter by breaking her ribs and femur. He was sentenced to two years in prison. The infant’s mother, Tondalo Hall, was found guilty of failing to protect her daughter and given a sentence of 30 years in prison. Even though there was no evidence that Hall ever hurt her daughter, and even though there was significant evidence that Hall was abused by Braxton and feared him, her sentence was 15 times greater than his.
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/adam-banner/do-failure-to-protect-law_b_6237346.html
Here is an article explaining why Oklahoma's female incarceration rate is so high. While gather sources for you, of which there are many, I ran across another report, from the state of Oklahoma itself stating that the incarceration rate has been surpassed by another state, with Oklahoma now ranking as the #2 state with the largest female prisoner population. I would consider the source when looking at Oklahoma's own numbers.
https://www.pri.org/stories/2017-10-03/why-oklahomas-female-incarceration-rate-so-high
https://moneyish.com/ish/the-state-locks-up-more-women-than-anywhere-else-in-america/
There are many advocacy groups here who have attempted to combat the ever-increasing problem, but they are waging an uphill battle. The state consistently receives an "F" grade from the Center for Public Integrity, corruption is rampant here.
It goes on and on. A great source, with many available public documents can be found at:
http://www.oklahomawatch.org
Oh my god, really, never heard of this before.. that's insane!!!! What about the partner? Of course he got a get out of jail for free card I guess :( What the... Poor women that are targeted with this stupid law by CPS :( my heart cries for them. they dont only lose the children but are being charged as if they are the criminals :(
Wow, something has to happen to get you and your little darlings out of that situation, while reading your post my heart is hurting seeing your beautiful daughters face but seeing the fear in her eyes. Praying for you and your family Hickorymack, Praying our heavenly Father will deliver you and your children out from that horror.
Soon so soon! 💗
Hope you can get a better place to live soon.
What causes me shock is that the influence of minors in these experiences of life. since you can cause psycho-affective disorders. I perceive him as a Doctor that I am, many connotations and repercussions in adulthood comes a large percentage of these experiences. making appropriate decisions in relationships also infuse. good article.