Before you start a relationship
I see so many people looking for a love partner.
They think that the partner can make them happy.
So they rush into a relationship, and in the process, they lose themselves.
I did it too, in so many relationships.
Because I was afraid that he wouldn't like me as I am, I started to make little compromises.
Like little things. I started to wear clothes I knew he would like, but I didn't feel comfortable in it.
I started to listen to the music he liked even though I didn't like it so much.
I forced myself to be interested in sports he liked.
And so on.
Slowly, I forgot what I like, who I am
Slowly I lost myself.
But the truth is, more you lose yourself less loveable you are.
The irony isn't it.
I thought that If I make myself more likable to him, he will love me more.
But it doesn't work like that.
More I made myself likable to him, more I lose the essence of myself.
And without my true essence, I am not attractive anymore. I am not interesting anymore.
So what is the solution?
The obvious solution is to stay true to yourself, no matter what.
But I know it is not easy, especially if you don't know who you are.
So to all the single people, I would suggest finding out who you are before you rush into the next relationship.
I did that before I started a relationship with Matija. And it paid off very well. Because I know who I am before we start a relationship, I was able to communicate with him like: I am who I am. If you like me the way I am, then we can hang out, and have some fun. I also know that you are who you are, and I like what I see. So let's promise each other not to try to change each other because that will not work. Instead, let's hang out as long as we have fun together and a good time.
And that worked for us for the last ten years.
Just like that, we hung out for the last ten years.
And as you see, today we hang out around our picnic.
We love to have a picnic together.
That is something we love to do together.
No matter what is the weather.
We enjoy our life together because we know who we are as beings.
Ok, my dear lovelies, have a great day.
Live life by inspiration, and enjoy every bit of it.
See you next week, ciao
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I think this is good advice.
It is easy when falling in love to forget the importance of letting go before such compromises begin to change you at the core level. To freely give up on one's own self by depending on the other for the future is to also fail in balancing the relationship.
One of the biggest pitfalls I see in relationships is when one person communicates how they felt hurt by the other person's behavior, and they respond also with a hurt reaction. Things can escalate badly. Apologies demanded. Forgiveness is withheld. Grudges form. Expectations are made for the other to change to prove their love. The icy persona develops.
When neither person is strong enough to bear the natural behavior of the other without feeling negatively, this is either a sign of a need for self-development or incompatible natures. Do you have any thoughts on how to look at these types of conflict encounters?
Hi, @creativetruth,
First, I would like to say THANK YOU for such a meaningful comment.
I love to see that you got something from my video.
About your question... You gave me a great idea for a new video.
I have thoughts on those types of conflict encounters. I had them a lot in my previous relationships.
But then when I grew personally (a lot of self-development :)) and became more emotionally independent, I made a decision that I will never allow myself or my partner to take that road again. By that I mean, that mutual respect is our top priority.
That level of respect can be achieved only if I don't hold my partner accountable for my happiness and general good feeling. And vice versa.
So when I think that I don't feel good because my partner did something wrong in my opinion, I remember my decision. I AM RESPONSIBLE FOR MY HAPPINESS. So I usually take a moment for myself and clear up with myself why truly I feel bad. And I let my partner off the hook.
I hope I answered your question. I will make a video about it, for sure.
Have a great day, and thank you again :)
Holy Smokes! That is such an enlightened position to take. I bet that is the last thing most people would ever consider doing.
My last relationship, I walked in with the attitude that I should be ready to walk away at any time if things are getting more complicated than I am comfortable with. Eventually my initial plan crumbled, because I gave up my heart (and brain!) to love (more like infatuation with the better life they were offering me). We quickly crossed some of the safe boundaries I set, and things flipped from an emotional high to a frozen tundra. I think if I kept that initial attitude all along, I would have been more true to myself, and to her. We could have walked away with a better mutual respect. It would have been easier to bypass months of heartache and negativity to one another.
At the peak of our positive emotions for eachother, I am very curious what would happen if I did walk away at that first moment I saw the red flags appear. Would I have been able to ignore my feelings and walk away, or would my partner have capitulated? Would we have built up our infatuated emotions over time apart, and magnetically been pulled back together again? That did happen after our first break up.
I hope I now have the good sense to end the romantic side of a relationship if I ever realized my partner was giving up too much of themselves for the sake of preserving the relationship. I have even ended a few normal friendships over signs of toxic speech I could not abide. Even a relationship of true love should have a somewhat fair balance, like a business, involving give and take at acceptable levels.
Thank you for the wisdom!
Thank you for your sharing :)
It is interesting that you compare a relationship to a business because I use that comparison quite often too. :)
In business, we somehow know that we are responsible for our success. What we put in, we get out.
But in relationships... I don't know why we think it is different :).
If we put 'disrespect' into a relationship, we get 'disrespect' out.
Simple isn't it, but still hard to do :)
Thank you again for the conversation. It was nice reading your comment.
I wish you a great day :)
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