My dear steemians, I come to you this time with a sensitive topic that has to delve into what most relationships or couples experience today. If you happen to be in a marriage oriented relationship or already married, take this seriously. Free your mind as you read, accept to be rebuked by the ideas if you need a positive change in your couple. If you are already walking in the light of the ideas, then congratulations, you might equally have more views to contribute to these in the comment section below.

Being present is the most fundamental requirement to building true and lasting intimacy with your spouse. In the article "Getting Intimate with your spouse", I mentioned that intimacy decides the health of every relationship. Without intimacy, there cannot be true fellowship. It is this fellowship that permits every couple to grow strong.

Though being present is fundamental to intimacy, there are couples who are present yet inaccessible. They may be living in the same house and going out everyday in the same car, yet there is no intimacy. They are present but inaccessible. This creates the wrong atmosphere over the family; no joy, no fun, and no laughter; a cold war is ongoing. This can happen, but it can and should be dealt with promptly.

So, here are three ways you can be present as a spouse yet inaccessible by your partner:

1)Present but too busy

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A spouse who is always present but always busy makes himself or herself inaccessible. When you make the home your office, you are very likely to be present but inaccessible. When you're present but always busy on your phone or computer, you're present but inaccessible. This can be a trap for most husbands. With the coming of Social Media and phones, some people are more accessible by those far away than by those right in their house. In fact, it's possible to say 'Good morning' to someone miles away before saying so to someone sleeping next to you. Some wives can get so busy that they are present but inaccessible. They're either always in the kitchen, washing baby clothes, etc. These things are good, but without discipline and planning so as to be present and accessible, you risk being too busy to the detriment of your intimacy with your husband.

2) Present but always having a repulsive countenance

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Everyone's look is a message. There are looks which say we can talk, and another which says I don't want to talk. A spouse who is present but always carrying an angry face is inaccessible. Your looks can make it easy or difficult for a conversation to occur. There are people who can have all the fun with their phones but will not smile towards their spouse. They can laugh because of the movies they're watching or the books they're reading, but will frown at their spouse. They may wonder why their relationship is fading and failing, not knowing that they are present but inaccessible. If you deal with availability, then deal with your looks; put on a face that shows willingness to talk. Bring your spouse into your "fun world."

3) Present but Isolated

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You can be present yet isolated. You stay in the room while your spouse is in the parlour. Or you spend your time in the parlour while your spouse is in the kitchen. Isolation hinders the opportunity to converse. Isolation makes you inaccessible, thereby lengthening the days of misunderstanding. If you want to increase conversation with your spouse, be where your spouse is; be within sight. Take for example a wife who serves the husband and goes to sit in the kitchen or goes to the room. That isolation has hindered the opportunity for a kind conversation. Imagine sitting down at the table with your husband while he eats. That is making yourself accessible for a good conversation to occur.

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These are just a few things you can adjust to increase your opportunities to have better intimacy with your spouse. Without such disciplines, as you grow in your marriage, kind conversations will soon be rare. The fewer the kind conversations you have, the less intimate you become. The less intimate you are, the more boring the relationship. Then you find yourself opening your heart to the wrong things and people. Eventually, infidelity steps in and the worst happens. Our pleasures are triggered by a kind conversation. Through such conversations, you share in the treasures in each other and you grow more intimate.

Good relationships have been lost to the lack of kind conversations. Couples have lost admiration for each other because they do not converse regularly. Remember, conversations trigger admiration. Admiration opens the door for intimacy. The more you admire your spouse, the more time you will spend with them. Looks are good, but people are more beautiful in their hearts. By conversing, such treasures are revealed that fuel the passion of your relationship. Don't just be together, be intimate. Don't just be together, seek diverse ways to enjoy each other. Be present and accessible.

Some present and accessible couples