#[club100]Steem Cameroon Best Day Contest 05/07/2021. 10% Beneficiary to steem-Cameroon

Hello everyone.

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Eternal rest♥✨

For a couple of months now i completely forgot how it felt to be really happy, this period came with ..
-depression
-Regret
-Anger
-Lost(not lust)
-Alot of anguish.. These pasts months have by fsr the most painful i have ever had to live through but somehow am not entirely happy but am getting there.

I lost my mother to Cancer on the 24th of April she fought it for 2years. Heaven knows my mother was a strong woman but even the strongest and brightest stars no matter how bright they shine will go dark someday.
I read a book that said "True Despair is when a struggling person sees a glimmer of hope and its taken away from them" i never truly understood what that meant untill now.
A week before she died she was walking about doing her things and then became suddenly bedridden with every lassing day you could see the life slowly leaving her we had exhuasted everything.. Thats mentally emotionally. physically spiritually and financially ..
I have never believed in miracles but i prayed for one at that piont in life i could make a deal with God or the Devil.

At small Mbingo

We took her to the hospital on despite knowing deep down there wasnt much we could do but somewhere down there i had hope..
She was transfered to another hospital thats Big Mbingo.

When we arrive the Doctors attended to her the next day and told us there was nothing they could do for her.

You ever felt numb? The type that the world just becomes silent and everything becomes hazy you cant even hear the sound of your own voice you just feel the vibration.. That was true Despair.

We dont have a house here in Bamenda so she was to be taken to the village we went down to three corners to say our goodbyes for those who couldnt travel to the village thats because of the insecurities.

I have never held pain in like i did.. Thats my siblings and i.. Everyone tried so hard not to cry infront of here, i cant even put how i felt tp words.

I left three corners and came back to work i was holding on fine untill evening its like the darkness is a catalyst for all the feelings you trying so hard tp keep at bay ..
I cried so hard at work not the silent typa crying.. I work at a Bar ..loud music .. Behind my counter.. No one could hear me.
I hadnt even told any of my friends about anything they just knew my mom wasnt well. Am not good with sharing feelings. I took permission left work came home

I was going insane i had to talk to somebody.. Someone that understood not someone who'll say "i know how you feel" no you dont.

My bestfriend noticed i something was up ..am starting to think that psycho has super powers.
She called right away.. When i told her eveything she travelled from D'la to Bda that same night that was a Friday.

I didnt even know she travelled.. Just saw her the next morning for some reason i felt better.
We spent the whole Saturday together chatting.. I didnt go to work.

The next morning at 1:30am my mother left us. I had mentally prepared myself for it. She died on a sunday.

She was buried that same day..

We mourned for a week. That whole week i didnt workout.. I was just making sure everyone was okay.. Talked to those who wanted and needed to talk. And its been a roller coaster from then till now. We are picking up the pieces and moving forward.

MY BEST DAY AND WHY IT WAS,

Friday was the best i had in months maybe years because i finally got to talk to someone share my feelings.. Told them how i sincerely felt. I never tell anyome how i feel because i solve my problems alone but i had kept alot in for a very long time.. I felt like a boulder had been lifted off my chest after talking to a person who understood i person who had walked a mile in my shoe.
I could finally put my thoughts together because every time i tried to think i heared just noises in my head. I could finally think straight prepare and plan i could finally face reality i came to terms with the fact that my mother wasnt coming back from the village.
I thought about everything this time with less intensity.. Less pressure that agitation was gone my mind was settled. Some friends are worth cherishing.

In conclusion..

God didnt give me a miracle like i prayed but i came to terms with the fact that her suffering had ended She is in a better place, she can watch over her children from Heaven.

I realised alotta things during these few months.

• My mother was the strongest woman i have ever known am not just saying this cause she is my mother.. As a woman... As a Child.. As a wife.. As a mother she was strong in everyway possible. Ofcourse i knew that but i didnt really realise how much

• My mother didnt give birth to weak children

• Some Friends have got you, value them.

• rely on people sometimes it wont you cant shoulder everything

Resteem screenshot

Thank you