Additions and Subtractions.
“You will have people walk out on you, walk over you, and walk away from you. If these things didn't happen, you wouldn't have such great people who walk with you, walk beside you, and walk into your life. Cherish the subtractions and you will be blessed with additions.” - Robert Braathe
Life is too short to spend it placing ourselves in situations or around people who do not make us feel good. I am not saying that it is the responsibility of another to inject our life with positivity… but I think too often, we continue subjecting or exposing ourselves to things and individuals who don’t actually do anything other than make us feel like less.
I can only speak for myself, but over the years I have noticed that I have a tendency to do exactly that, but as I get older - I cannot help but give some real thought to what and who is worth my energy now.
Looking at the concept of “friends” - we gravitate toward people who we share common ground with. We connect well and develop relationships with people who we enjoy spending time with. I am not saying that friendships are all sunshine and roses, no - they, like any other relationship will be tested from time to time, but the big picture, is generally a positive one.
And on the flip side of that coin - if we find that we do not really “connect well” with someone, then it is unlikely that there will be any lasting friendship formed, because for “whatever reasons” your characters, life choices… and whatever, don’t really work well together.
So, why then - is the same common sense principle not (generally) applied when it comes to family. Why is there this underlying obligation to “make it work”. Why do we always feel like it “should” - even when it leaves us feeling worthless, unwanted or judged every time we place ourselves in their company.
No family is perfect and I am not in anyway suggesting that this should be the case, but so often I see situations or talk to people and see that they are clearly not happy with the way someone in their family treats them or makes them feel - and yet they will continue to put themselves in that company.
I do the same thing - or at least I have… but now I question why I would do that to myself. What possible good could come from continually being around people who you know… don’t really like you, often put you down etc. - and if it were not for the blood relation, they would definitely not be a part of your life, because you simply have absolutely nothing in common. There would be no natural gravitation there at all!
It seems a little ridiculous if you ask me. Not to mention shallow and forced.
We all have our failings and flaws, but that does not mean there is not something beautiful and special within each of us - and the people I would like to spend my time with are ones who see that within me.
❤❤❤
Until next time...
Much Love from Country Bumpkinland, South Africa xxx
Jaynielea
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I have long liked the analogy of having "emotional wells."
The people who come and go through our days and lives have the capacity of draining our wells, leaving them pretty much neutral or filling our wells. As you well know, sometimes it's one-way traffic, from you to them with nothing flowing back.
It frightens me, sometimes, perhaps on account of the subtext that if all people are looking to do is take from the well then we live in an incredibly selfish and self-involved world.
Not that I am holding myself exempt from occasionally being self-involved!
Friendships are interesting things... as the years have rolled by, perhaps what has changed the most for me is how I look at the elements of friendships, pushing the "common interests" further towards the back while bringing "common energies" closer to the front.
With families, we're sold the popular myth about how "blood binds" but it is little more than a myth with little function. I have a $hit experience in that domain, and with more than a little sadness have to confess that the only two family members I ever felt truly close and connected to both committed suicide... Which could mean that I am either mentally ill, or I see things most people miss.
I prefer my chosen family members...
This is such an accurate depiction and analogy, and yes - the one I am definitely most familiar with is the "give give give" scenario.
Not to sound like a negative nancy here... but I would say that the ratio definitely sways in this favour. Sad as it is to say that.
Interesting. Spot on I would say - whether this happens intentionally, consciously or not - I would definitely agree that it is a reality I share with you. It would certainly explain the shift in what is agreeable and what isn't any longer - when nothing much surface level has actually changed at all.
Seems to have more dysfunction than anything else, lol. :D
I would definitely go with the latter.
Indeed and agreed.