I've lost her.....forever

Part of me is still in denial. But hey, what's happened has happened. We can't change it, right? I wish I could? Lol just kidding. I've decided to be at peace now. 5 days ago on Saturday, Arya left me. Forever. She's gone. On 25th January 2025 she left me. How could she though? Didn't she know I have never loved anyone as much as I have loved her.

Do you guys know part of me wanted her to pass away quickly when I was standing right beside her and watching her gasp for air as she kept looking me straight in the eyes without blinking even for a second at 3 am in the morning, at the hospital? Yes. The thought came across my mind. I wanted her agony to end yet I didn't want her to leave me.

My nights have been very lonely but that's me just being selfish isn't it? I mean, I wanted to choose companionship for me over the comfort of Arya? But why couldn't she just be alright? Why couldn't she live with me atleast for a couple of more years? Why did she have to leave like that? Looking my directly into my eyes while she took the last breath. Do I have all these questions in my head? Yes. But will I believe that things could have gone differently than it did? No. Why? Because I can't be saying statements like this. This is blasphemous. We listen and we obey. We accept the fate.

Do I want to put the blame on someone? The doctor maybe? Yes I want to. But will I? No. You know I had a fight with the doctor who kept on telling me that she is hyperglycemic yet I kept on telling me that it's impossible for her to be hyperglycemic, she's definitely hypoglycemic. She hasn't eaten a thing in a week. You know what her glucose level was when the reports came out hours later? 7 mg/dl. Do you guys know what's the normal range of glucose for cats? 75mg/dl - 150 mg/dl. Such low levels cause brain death 95% of the times yet Arya kept on fighting. She kept looking me straight in the eyes as if she didn't want me to leave in her last moments. I didn't Arya. I could never leave you.

I kept on calling all the veterinary clinics in my city. Arya suffered from Renal Shutdown. A condition in which kidneys stop working completely. None of the clinics and hospitals had the facility of Dialysis for animals. I just.... I just couldn't drive anymore. What could anyone of us have done? Millions and millions of pet animals in this country yet no clinic offers dialysis.

During these 5 days I searched for the services of dialysis worldwide and got to know that a lot of countries have this facility such as the United States, Canada etc.

I have to do something about this. I can't let ONE MORE ANIMAL DYING DUE TO THE UNAVAILABILITY OF DIALYSIS.

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Dear Arya,

You'll always be my first. No matter what happens, I promise you that I have never loved anyone as much as I have loved you. A few of my friends made fun of me when I couldn't smile for these past 5 days. When I had sudden bursts of emotions running down on my face. I wish I could do anything about it but without you the world seems restricted. Is this what happens on the death of a loved one? I thought I was strong. Lmao. Dear Arya. I love you. I am sure you're watching me and I pray that we're reunited soon.

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