It Still Hurts

It still hurts
Though I hate the pain
I despise the wasting
And the hatred of my days
I only hasten the end
With drinks and laughter
And empty busy work
And endless culture
I fill my head with knowledge
A whole world of delights
For the eyes and ears and stomach
Distracted only momentarily
Can I accept this new life?
Do I hate it?
Do I love it?
Do I know?
When will I know?
Fuck it all
I would trade every moment
For one more
For one reason to cling to my days
And not rush to the end
I'm sure someone cares
Isn't that what they would say?
But they never reach out
So how would I know?
It's all a matter of faith
Belief in something unseen
Perhaps one day my faith will be sight.