I always feel toxic and it is always a reality I am enduring every single day ༻ ☠ ༺ Siempre me siento tóxica y siempre es una realidad que estoy soportando cada día
Nausea always grips me with it ill-effects every moment of everyday.
Las náuseas siempre me atenazan con sus efectos nocivos a cada momento.
I already forgotten how to feel normal because I am always feeling toxic inside me. It is because of the accumulated by-products of the food that I would eat for the reason of a non-working urinary system for more than two decades already. It has been that long of endurance with a few moments of getting a relief after my dialysis session. Then after a meal or two I am back to feeling nauseated and toxic which is actually a hell on earth for me if you can imagine it which you cannot because only dialysis patients can feel it. That is why many people cannot possibly relate into what we are going through.
Ya he olvidado cómo sentirme normal porque siempre me siento tóxica por dentro. Es debido a los subproductos acumulados de los alimentos que comería por la razón de un sistema urinario que no funciona durante más de dos décadas ya. Ha sido tanto tiempo de resistencia con algunos momentos de alivio después de mi sesión de diálisis. Después de una o dos comidas vuelvo a sentir náuseas y toxicidad, lo que es un infierno en la tierra para mí, si puedes imaginártelo, cosa que no puedes porque sólo los pacientes de diálisis pueden sentirlo. Es por eso que muchas personas no pueden relacionarse con lo que estamos pasando.
Nitrogen compounds from eating simple proteins make me feel feel unwell but I still need to have some to keep me healthy and resistant to illnesses.
Los compuestos nitrogenados procedentes de la ingesta de proteínas simples me provocan malestar, pero aún así necesito un poco para mantenerme sano y resistente a las enfermedades.
There is a feeling of resentment inside me as well against people who cannot realize that I cannot produce urine anymore. That reality is beyond their scope of understanding and I cannot blame them for not being emphatic to my condition because they are born normal and continue to feel normal and that is the only thing they know about which is why they cannot feel what I am going through with this kind of condition that I am enduring all these past decades of being a dialysis patient.
Hay un sentimiento de resentimiento dentro de mí también contra las personas que no pueden darse cuenta de que ya no puedo producir orina. Esa realidad está más allá de su alcance de comprensión y no puedo culparlos por no ser enfáticos con mi condición porque ellos nacieron normales y continúan sintiéndose normales y eso es lo único que conocen y es por eso que no pueden sentir lo que estoy pasando con este tipo de condición que estoy soportando todas estas últimas décadas de ser un paciente de diálisis.
The problem of many people that are not able to understand the dialysis patient's disposition would fail them to relate to our condition.
El problema de muchas personas que no son capaces de entender la disposición del paciente de diálisis les impediría relacionarse con nuestra condición.
One bad thing that I am quite angry about is that the fact that many people would blame us for being like this because in their unlearned minds the dialysis patients had abused eating the wrong foods like salty foods or junk foods. It cannot be more farther from the truth of course because there are many causes of a failed Kidney function like auto-immune diseases, complication from diabetes and hypertension, misuse of NSAIDs or even drug therapy for a certain cancer treatment, etc.
Una cosa mala que me enoja bastante es el hecho de que muchas personas nos culparían de estar así porque en sus mentes ignorantes los pacientes de diálisis han abusado de comer los alimentos equivocados como alimentos salados o comida chatarra. No puede ser más lejos de la verdad, por supuesto, porque hay muchas causas de un fallo de la función renal como las enfermedades autoinmunes, complicaciones de la diabetes y la hipertensión, el mal uso de los AINE o incluso la terapia con medicamentos para un determinado tratamiento contra el cáncer, etc.
We are often blamed first because of our condition which makes me feel angry of what many people thinks about us.
A menudo se nos culpa en primer lugar por nuestra condición, lo que me enfada de lo que mucha gente piensa de nosotros.
I regret the stigma against dialysis patients because we belong to the sickest patients in terms of not feeling well all the time. That is why many patients would pass-away much earlier because of complications that happens due to many factors including a mismanaged health condition especially here in my country because of poverty for the reason that they cannot pay for the extra care that they needed aside from getting dialyzed in a regular basis. It is because there are still many things to check in dialysis patient's system in order for them to achieve the best condition but sadly due to aforementioned reason, may things are overlooked upon that causes the patients to suffer more complications than can be prevented from happening in the first place.
Lamento que se estigmatice a los pacientes de diálisis porque somos de los más enfermos en cuanto a no sentirnos bien todo el tiempo. Por eso, muchos pacientes fallecen mucho antes debido a complicaciones derivadas de muchos factores, como una mala gestión de su estado de salud, especialmente en mi país, donde la pobreza no les permite pagar los cuidados adicionales que necesitan aparte de la diálisis periódica. Esto se debe a que todavía hay muchas cosas que comprobar en el sistema del paciente de diálisis con el fin de que alcancen la mejor condición, pero lamentablemente debido a la razón antes mencionada, muchas cosas se pasan por alto, lo que hace que los pacientes sufran más complicaciones de las que se pueden evitar en primer lugar.
Complications and other many factors makes the patients feel and look the way they are and are always subjected to prejudice by the people around them.
Las complicaciones y otros muchos factores hacen que los pacientes se sientan y se vean como son y que siempre sean objeto de prejuicios por parte de la gente que les rodea.
Another factor that is preventing me in feeling well enough was my father. He doesn't like me to go three times a week for my dialysis because for him it is just a waste of time and money. So my hands are tied for not achieving a better well-being that I needed and it is just resulting in a miserable state of health for me. It has been like that for so much time already and until now my father in particular doesn't seem to understand that I needed a frequent dialysis and would just tell me that "You can endure it anyway" or "Didn't you only have dialysis twice before?". So for him it is a waste of time, money and effort while he himself just wants to stay here in the house watching videos from his smartphone.
Otro factor que me impide sentirme bien es mi padre. No le gusta que me haga la diálisis tres veces por semana porque para él es una pérdida de tiempo y dinero. Así que tengo las manos atadas por no haber conseguido el bienestar que necesitaba y eso me está llevando a un estado de salud miserable. Ha sido así durante mucho tiempo y hasta ahora mi padre, en particular, no parece entender que yo necesite una diálisis frecuente y se limita a decirme que "Puedes soportarlo de todos modos" o "¿No te has sometido a diálisis sólo dos veces antes?". Así que para él es una pérdida de tiempo, dinero y esfuerzo, mientras que él solo quiere quedarse en casa viendo vídeos en su smartphone.
I regret the fact that even my immediate family members has a boundary of support towards what I needed to live with a better well-being compared to this current state of health that I am enduring.
Lamento el hecho de que incluso mis familiares más cercanos tengan un límite de apoyo hacia lo que yo necesitaba para vivir con un mejor bienestar en comparación con este estado de salud actual que estoy soportando.
That issue also gives me a feeling of resentment towards my father for his lack of understanding regarding my needs. That is why I am also not doing what they wanted like fixing this house because for one reason they would rather like to fix this house or for me to build a new house rather to pursue my Kidney transplant which is making me feel bad inside when that thought goes into my memory. So the consequence is that I would feel unwell all the time inside and outside and it is a major thing that I had been enduring all these years of my life and are indeed a torture for me with not much solution that I can foresee in happening anytime soon.
Este problema también me hace sentir resentimiento hacia mi padre por su falta de comprensión hacia mis necesidades. Por eso no hago lo que ellos quieren, como arreglar la casa, porque prefieren que la arregle o que me construya una casa nueva a que me haga un trasplante de riñón, lo que me hace sentir mal cuando pienso en ello. Así que la consecuencia es que me siento mal todo el tiempo por dentro y por fuera y es una cosa importante que había estado soportando todos estos años de mi vida y son de hecho una tortura para mí sin mucha solución que puedo prever en suceder en cualquier momento pronto.
The relief that I need is still held in abeyance for the time being but hoping that I can achieve it is another thing.
El alivio que necesito sigue en suspenso por el momento, pero esperar que pueda conseguirlo es otra cosa.
Translated in Filipino [Taglish]
Nakalimutan ko na kung paano maging normal dahil palagi akong nakakaramdam ng toxic sa loob ko. Ito ay dahil sa mga naipon na by-products ng pagkain na aking kakainin sa kadahilanang hindi gumagana ang urinary system sa loob ng mahigit dalawang dekada na. Napakatagal ng pagtitiis na may ilang saglit na nakahinga ng maluwag pagkatapos ng aking dialysis session. Then after a meal or two I am back to feeling nauseated and toxic which is actually a hell on earth for me if you can imagine it which you cannot kasi mga dialysis patients lang ang nakakakaramdam nito. Kaya naman maraming tao ang hindi posibleng maka-relate sa pinagdadaanan natin.
May hinanakit din sa loob ko laban sa mga taong hindi namamalayan na hindi na ako makakapaglabas ng ihi. That reality is beyond their scope of understanding and I cannot blame them for not emphatic to my condition because they are born normal and continue to feel normal and that is the only thing they know about that is why they cannot feel what I going through sa ganitong uri ng kondisyon na tinitiis ko nitong mga nakaraang dekada ng pagiging isang dialysis patient.
Ang isang masamang bagay na lubos kong ikinagagalit ay ang katotohanang masisisi tayo ng maraming tao kung bakit tayo nagkakaganito dahil sa kanilang hindi pinag-aralan na pag-iisip ay inabuso ng mga pasyenteng na-dialysis ang pagkain ng mga maling pagkain tulad ng mga maalat na pagkain o junk foods. Siyempre, hindi ito maaaring mas malayo sa katotohanan dahil maraming dahilan ng pagkabigo sa Kidney function tulad ng mga auto-immune na sakit, komplikasyon mula sa diabetes at hypertension, maling paggamit ng mga NSAID o kahit na drug therapy para sa isang partikular na paggamot sa kanser, atbp.
Ikinalulungkot ko ang stigma laban sa mga pasyente ng dialysis dahil kabilang kami sa mga pinakamasakit na pasyente sa mga tuntunin ng hindi magandang pakiramdam sa lahat ng oras. Kaya naman maraming mga pasyente ang mas maagang pumanaw dahil sa mga komplikasyon na nangyayari dahil sa maraming mga kadahilanan kabilang ang isang hindi maayos na pangangasiwa sa kondisyon ng kalusugan lalo na dito sa aking bansa dahil sa kahirapan sa kadahilanang hindi nila mababayaran ang karagdagang pangangalaga na kailangan nila bukod sa pagkuha. na-dialyze nang regular. Ito ay dahil marami pa ring mga bagay na dapat suriin sa sistema ng pasyente ng dialysis upang makamit nila ang pinakamahusay na kondisyon ngunit ang nakalulungkot dahil sa nabanggit na dahilan, maaaring hindi pansinin ang mga bagay na nagiging sanhi ng mga pasyente na dumanas ng mas maraming komplikasyon kaysa sa mapipigilan na mangyari sa ang unang lugar.
Ang isa pang salik na pumipigil sa aking pakiramdam ay ang aking ama. Ayaw niya kasing pumapasok ako ng three times a week para sa dialysis ko dahil para sa kanya sayang lang ang oras at pera. Kaya't ang aking mga kamay ay nakatali para sa hindi pagkamit ng isang mas mahusay na kagalingan na kailangan ko at ito ay nagreresulta lamang sa isang miserableng estado ng kalusugan para sa akin. Napakatagal nang ganyan at hanggang ngayon ay tila hindi naiintindihan ng tatay ko na kailangan ko ng madalas na dialysis at sasabihin lang sa akin na "Matitiis mo pa rin" o "Hindi ba't mayroon ka lang. dalawang beses na mag-dialysis?". Kaya para sa kanya ay sayang ang oras, pera at pagod habang siya mismo ay gustong manatili dito sa bahay na nanonood ng mga video mula sa kanyang smartphone.
Ang isyung iyon ay nagbibigay din sa akin ng sama ng loob sa aking ama dahil sa kanyang kawalan ng pang-unawa sa aking mga pangangailangan. Kaya naman hindi ko rin ginagawa ang gusto nila tulad ng pag-aayos ng bahay na ito dahil sa isang dahilan ay mas gusto nilang ayusin ang bahay na ito o kaya naman ay magtayo ako ng bagong bahay kaysa ituloy ang Kidney transplant ko na nakakasama ng loob ko kapag ganoon. pumasok sa aking alaala ang pag-iisip. Kaya ang kinahinatnan ay magiging masama ang pakiramdam ko sa lahat ng oras sa loob at labas at ito ay isang pangunahing bagay na tiniis ko sa lahat ng mga taon ng aking buhay at talagang isang pagpapahirap para sa akin na walang gaanong solusyon na maaari kong mahulaan na mangyayari anumang oras malapit na.