从痛苦到安详：父亲生命的最后阶段（七）

不管命运为我们准备了什么，无论是幸福还是苦难，是快乐还是悲伤，生活都必须继续下去，直到像父亲那样走到命运的终点和结局。中间的这些经历，就当是修行，是提升自己灵魂的过程，如果有永恒的灵魂的话。这也是我详细记下这段文字的目的，与这段经历作一次告别，继续前行。

上回说到做完胆汁引流手术后，父亲在医院观察了两天便出院回家。然而，回家仅两天，病情就急剧恶化，危急的状况迫使我们不得不再次呼叫120救护车，将他送回医院。医院以家属签字放弃抢救为条件，收下了父亲。为他进行了基本的支持和止痛治疗。

在网上，我看到大多数胰腺癌患者的肿瘤细胞非常容易侵犯神经，导致难以忍受的剧痛。只有约20%的患者不会经历这一症状。而父亲似乎就是这20%中的一位。在患病期间，他经历了难以进食、消化不良、极度虚弱等所有癌症症状，但始终没有喊过疼，也从未使用过止疼药。

然而，在这最后的阶段，父亲开始喊疼，感到不舒服。我们要求医生为他打止疼针。医院的医生又一次展现了刻板和冷酷，他们严格按照治疗指南和药物使用规范操作。由于父亲之前没有打过止疼针，这是第一次使用，只能注射一半剂量的吗啡。针打下去后，父亲觉得有所缓解，但还不够，要求再打一针。然而，医生却表示按照规定必须间隔两个小时以上。难道就这样让一个快要临终的病人在痛苦中等两个小时吗？

我们提出使用更强力的芬太尼，但结果更不靠谱。在美国可以随便买到的芬太尼，在国内是严格管制的，类似毒品的药品，需要打报告，然后派人去取，要到当天下午才能拿到。无奈之下，我们只能先用镇静栓剂，连用两支，这应该是效果最弱的镇痛方式了。好在不需要经过医嘱，自己就可以操作。

然而，父亲仍然感到难受，提出了许多让我们匪夷所思的要求。他让我们用带子把他的肚皮捆起来，把膝盖也捆起来。他的言语逐渐模糊，变得含糊不清，很难听懂，后来就很少再说话了。他的行为也变得有些奇怪，不愿意用氧气面罩，把它扯掉，还会去扯掉手指上监测血氧浓度的橡胶指套，甚至连输液管也会去扯。我凑上前去问他需要什么，他却用含糊的命令让我在床边坐下。

我在床边坐下，渐渐地，他的这些动作变得越来越缓慢，也许是感到疲劳了。最终，他停了下来，就像睡着了一样，甚至还能听到轻微的呼噜声，样子非常安详。我感到欣慰，心想他终于能够好好休息一下了。但转念一想，又觉得不对劲，他真的只是睡着了吗？还是已经昏迷了？

这时，护士进来换药。我提出了这个问题，护士说：“你叫他呀，如果叫不醒，那就真的是昏迷了。”我大声地叫：“爸爸！爷爷！”这也是平常对他的称呼。然而，他没有任何反应，还在沉沉地睡着，直接喊父亲的名字，仍然如此。这一刻，我突然意识到，也许真有灵魂的话，父亲的灵魂可能已经离开了这具躯体。虽然他还有呼吸，但这样也许还算不错，他就再也感受不到任何痛苦了，获得了真正的解脱。

这一刻也意味着所有的结局已经注定了，医院的认定标准是血压和心跳。这意味着父亲已经离开了我们。我们所做的只是等待心电图上的那条线变成一条直线而已。大约等了三个小时，父亲的生命终于在医学上也画上了一个句号。

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是金前的是必须从这段经历中走出来，以下这些，也是为了最终从这段经历中走出来，也生活的说命运也准备了什么。不管是幸福还是苦难是乐还是悲伤，都必须一直走下去，直到像父亲这样来终点和结局。中间的这些经历就当是休息呢，先不当是休行修炼和提升自己的灵魂，不亲。做完胆汁引流，最后观察两天出院回来回家才两天时间，病情就急剧恶化，危急的状况只得叫幺二零救护车，再次送回医院，医院，以一体抢救为条件，收下父亲。做基本的支持止痛，支持治疗。在网上看到大多数胰腺癌的患者回为先癌的肿瘤细胞，非常容易侵犯神经而产生难以忍受的剧痛。所幸的是，只有百分之二十左右的患者会经历这一症状。所幸的是，父亲似乎就是这百分之二十其中的一位这样患病期间经历了不是难以进食，消化不良，难以进食，以极度虚弱等所有的癌症症状，但始终没有说疼，也及从来没有用过止疼药。这时呃这最后的阶段开始喊疼而不舒服。这时我们要求父亲打止疼针。这是医院的医生，又展现出各版的阴物，完完全按照的治疗指南和药物使用止囊来操作。这父亲之前没有打过止疼针，所以只能设半剂量的吗啡。这次是第一次使用，只能注册一半剂量的吗？啡针打下去之后，均可能觉得有缓解，但是还不够，要求再打一针，结果别人却说按照规定必须间隔两个小时以上，难道就这样让一个快要临终的病人，让两个小时吗？好说还说使用更强力的芬酞尼铁，结果这个更不靠谱，在美国皆可以随便买到的。芬酞尼在国内是严格管制的，类似毒品的药品要打报告，然后派人去取，要到当天下午才能拿到。没办法，我们只能先用镇静酸剂连用两支，所以应该是效果最弱的镇痛方式了。好在不需要经过医嘱，自己就可以操作，而父亲仍然感到难受，提出了很多让我们匪夷所思的要求，他让他要我们用袋子把他的肚皮捆起来，把膝盖也捆起来，给他的言语逐渐模糊，建含糊也很难听懂了，就很少再说话了。行为变得有些奇怪，不愿意用眼罩是把它扯掉，还会去在手指上的监测血氧浓度的橡胶指套，甚至连输液管会去扯不上去，问他需要这又很苦的命令。我在床边坐下，渐渐的，他的这些动作变得越来越缓慢，也许是感到疲劳了。最终他停了下来，就这样停了下来，停下来来转，他觉是睡着了一样，甚至还能听到轻微的呼噜的声音，一样子非常的安详。但是我还感到很欣慰，心想心终于能够休息一下，转念一想又不太对劲，他真的只是睡着了吗？还是已经昏迷了，这时有护士进来换药。我提出了这个问题是说，那里叫他呀，如果叫不醒，那就真的是昏迷了，就大声的叫爸爸爷爷，这也是对他，这也是平常对他的称呼。最后脚踏的名字连反应也没有。他还在沉沉的睡这一刻我突然意识到了，也许我真有灵魂的话，父亲的灵魂可能已经离开这具躯体了。虽然他还有呼吸，左护士右转化，这样也许还算不错的，这样他就感受不到任何痛苦了。走的时候，这一刻也意味着所有的结局已经注定了，就要等着的。而医院的认定标准是血压和心跳。因为这是已经意味着父亲已经离开了我们的医院认定的结果是血压和心跳。 Oh my god,那现在所做的只是等待的心电图上的那条线变成一条直线而已，对样大概要等了三个小时。听的人生终于在医学这样画上了一个句号，

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No matter what fate has in store for us, whether it is happiness or suffering, happiness or sorrow, life must go on until it comes to the end and end of fate like my father. These experiences in the middle are considered spiritual practice, the process of elevating one's soul, if there is an eternal soul. This is also the purpose of writing down this paragraph in detail, to bid farewell to this experience and move on.

As mentioned above, after the bile drainage surgery, the father was observed in the hospital for two days and then discharged home. However, only two days after returning home, his condition deteriorated dramatically, and the critical condition forced us to call 120 ambulances again to take him back to the hospital. The hospital accepted the father on the condition that the family members signed to give up the rescue. He was given basic support and pain relief.

On the Internet, I read that most pancreatic cancer patients have tumor cells that are very prone to invading nerves, causing excruciating pain. Only about 20% of patients do not experience this symptom. And my father seems to be one of those 20 percent. During his illness, he experienced all the symptoms of cancer, including difficulty eating, indigestion, and extreme weakness, but he never complained of pain and never used painkillers.

However, in this final stage, the father began to cry out in pain and felt uncomfortable. We asked the doctor to give him an injection for pain relief. Once again, the hospital's doctors were rigid and callous, adhering to treatment guidelines and drug use norms. Since the father had not had pain relief shots before, this was the first time he had used them, and only half the dose of morphine could be injected. After the injection, the father felt some relief, but not enough, and asked for another injection. However, the doctor said that according to regulations, the interval must be more than two hours. Is it so that a dying patient can wait in pain for two hours?

We proposed a stronger fentanyl, but the results were worse. Fentanyl, which is freely available in the United States and is strictly controlled in the country, is a drug-like drug that needs to be reported and sent to be picked up until the afternoon. In desperation, we can only use sedative suppositories, two in a row, which should be the least effective pain relief. Fortunately, you can do it yourself without medical advice.

However, my father still felt uncomfortable and made many demands that we could not imagine. He asked us to strap his belly and tie his knees. His speech gradually blurred, became slurred and difficult to understand, and then he rarely spoke again. His behavior also became somewhat strange, unwilling to use an oxygen mask, pull it off, and will pull off the rubber finger cover that monitors blood oxygen levels on his fingers, and even the infusion tube. I went up to him and asked him what he needed, but he told me to sit down by the bed with vague orders.

I sat down by the bed, and gradually these movements became more and more slow, perhaps feeling tired. Finally, he stopped as if he were asleep, even with a slight snoring sound, and looked very peaceful. I felt relieved and thought he could finally have a good rest. But on second thought, something was wrong. Was he really just asleep? Or is he in a coma?

Just then, the nurse came in to change her dressing. I raised the issue and the nurse said, "You call him, if he doesn't wake up, he's really in a coma." I cried loudly, "Dad! Grandpa!" That's the usual way to call him. However, he made no response, still deep asleep, and called directly to his father's name, still so. At this moment, I suddenly realized that if there is a soul, my father's soul may have left this body. Although he was still breathing, it was probably good that he would not feel any more pain and would be truly free.

This moment also means that all the outcome has been doomed, the hospital's criteria for recognition is blood pressure and heartbeat. It means father is no longer with us. All we do is wait for the line on the ECG to become a straight line. After waiting for about three hours, my father's life finally came to a medical end.