I do understand your pain because I have same experience. My father hadvtan away when I was 6 years old and never came back to home. I struggled a lot and still I am facing financial issues because no one is there to support me. I am feeling your pain.
I am not in pain. Mine left before I turned 1 year old so I don't know him.
I am sorry to hear you still struggle. Do not let it affect you. There are plenty of cool people.