What is "au pair"? What are the advantage and disadvantage of it?

What is "au pair"? What are the advantage and disadvantage of it?

An au-pair is pretty much a babysitter who lives with the family she works for. This could be for only a few months or an extended period like 2-3 years. As for the advantages and the disadvantages, I can only tell about my own experience as an au-pair, but I cannot speak for the families.

The greatest single advantage for me was a chance to see the world. There is no other way a young girl who is just out of high school or still in college and does not come from a particularly wealthy background can travel so much. It's an amazing experience on many levels. You get acquainted with the everyday life of other cultures, learn languages, expand your horizons and experience stuff you otherwise probably never would. You can also learn discipline, patience, tolerance and empathy. Most successful au-pairs form a close bond with their host families and keep in contact long after the au-pair returned to her home country. That can be very useful later in life as the host families often invite you back to take a vacation with them. They probably even invite one of your friends or family members to go with you. It's really amazing.

Another significant advantage is the quite obvious fact that you don't have to spend on anything while you work as an au-pair and you even make money. Your host family pays for your board, food, plane tickets and in most of the cases you get your own phone and maybe even a car. Mine even paid for my toiletries. You have your own bedroom and bathroom, but some families provide you with your own little house or apartment. They pay for language courses, as well.

It was also great to get a glimpse of how these families live on a daily basis; I learnt how Americans and Norwegians raise their children, I got to try their national food, I went on little trips with them and learnt about a few customs that seemed really weird for me as a Hungarian. On top of this, you inevitably learn about things you otherwise probably would not be exposed to just yet like children's health issues, adoption, questions about children's education and even divorce in some cases.

Most people who choose to do this are very child-oriented and it's a great way to gain experience in that field. If you plan on having your own children later on, you'll already know how to change a diaper, what children need to eat, how to organize their free time, etc.

Now on to the disadvantages. My description will be very specific to me and will only apply to people that are similar me in some ways because everybody's au-pair experience is very unique.

First, I have to state that I did not always choose to be an au-pair for the right reasons and I was not always in a right place in my life to be able to become a really amazing au-pair. I did okay, but I could have been lot better. I was heartbroken and I felt I needed a change. I became an au-pair because it seemed like a drastic move to take a semester off from college and just fly off to a totally new country. It sounds good, but it didn't work out so well. I did not leave my problems behind, I just took them to a new place and I suffered a lot because of it. So my advice to anyone who wants to become an au-pair is to be in a really good place emotionally because it can be a quite stressful job and you need to give your best. It is also a huge responsibility; I tried not to think about it all the time since it is pretty overwhelming. A family that you don't know trusts you with their children, their house and their pets and if you make a mistake it can have terrible consequences. Definitely don't become an au-pair if you can't deal with this.

Now one of the biggest challenges I faced was that I'm not a very social and outgoing person, but being an au-pair means you have to be around people all the time. ALL THE TIME. The only times I was alone is when I slept and on my occasional solitary walks. This really took a toll on me since I need my precious alone time more than anything. And my host family demanded I spent every minute of every hour socializing with them. It caused me physical pain to sit down and watch meaningless TV shows with them after a day of work when all I wanted to do was read a book quietly in my room. So that wasn't working out very well for anybody.

Also, the children can be difficult. It all comes down to luck because you might get wonderful children who are a joy to be around or you could be easily facing little devils who enjoy making your job very hard. I was quite fortunate every time, but I had my moments when I wasn't sure how long I could tolerate their behavior.

The parents can be even more difficult. You do not only care for their children - you often have to provide the parents with emotional support. They can ask you to do all kinds of stuff like errands, household chores, care for their pets, etc. but some of them will use you as their therapist, as well. It can be emotionally draining. And it's really really hard at times not to criticize their decisions in childcare. Like everyone else, parents can be stupid and can make awful decisions, but you're not entitled to point out their flaws as an au-pair.

Some other disadvantages can be feeling homesick, having an unreasonable workload, not getting paid enough, etc. but it all depends on the family. In some rare cases the host families don't respect the au-pair and treat her as a slave, but it's not typical at all, you just hear those horror stories from time to time. Though you definitely have to be brave to move to a new country to share a house with people you've never seen before.

All in all, it is a great opportunity for anyone who wants to see the world and learn something new every day, but it has its not so pleasant side like everything else in the world. If you feel like you're the right person for this kind of task, you shouldn't hesitate for a minute.