Our house
About a year ago I engaged a friend of mine, an architect who owns a building company, to design a new house for my allotment; The plan being to bulldoze the existing and redevelop into the new property. It was purpose-designed by us and made workable by my friend.
Everything was on track for a modest 3 bedroom, 2 bathroom, 2 living area property with a four car garage under the main roof. It wasn't massive, but was flexible in layout, sympathetic to our ages meaning no stairs, and was a low maintenance property inside and out. Perfect.
Here's the thing though...We couldn't raise the funds and it fell apart.
Back in 2013 my property development and real estate company hit a setback - A crooked business partner who thought all of the bank funds would be better in his pocket. The short story is I lost a lot of money, the company and almost everything I owned in the process.
Financially things got bad and we have spent the intervening years working our way out of the hole. In the last couple of years we started to see some light despite the situation setting us back 25 years financially. The fact we were getting on track is what prompted the new build, and the need to accomodate my mother in-law in the near future.
Anyway, it didn't happen and is not going to. It slipped away and we've moved in a different direction.
Adversity is part of life and all we can do is cope with it as best we can, aim in new directions, apply effort and ownership and step forward. This is what Faith and I have done; We let the new house plan go and have embraced a new one.
Throughout the difficulties we experienced in 2013-2018 one thing remained constant; Our conviction to each other and to rise from the low point we'd been forced into.
Part of this required that we re-learn how to be us as individuals and a couple under our new constraints plus re-evaluate our priorities. Through necessity we made changes. As things started to improve though we found that those old ways, the things that we had thought were important, were simply not. Not any more.
Unbeknown to us we'd spent those years determining what was truly important and we came out the other end realising that what was important was experiences, not things. Sure, we needed things, but we needed experiences more.
Today I came across those plans, the house we'd designed and couldn't afford and didn't feel one pang of regret or disgruntlement; It simply wasn't to be and we moved forward with the same conviction we have applied for years.
This situation is nowhere near as bad as many people's scenario's though. There's people without a roof of any kind over their head and worse! But for me, here in the reasonably comfortable country of Australia, it was pretty huge; Not just the sum I lost, but the emotional and mental aspect of the entire scenario...But I think we came out better. In fact, I know we did! It was one of those life-scenarios, a bad situation, that taught us many lessons leaving us a little wiser and, indeed, happier.
My question
Have you had a difficult event that ended up changing your life for the better? Has adversity raised its ugly head in your life only for you to overcome it and thrive? I bet there's story after story of everyday people triumphing over adversity and what better place to tell them than here? Just maybe your story could make a difference to someone else?
So, feel free to share here in the comments or do your own post if you need more room. I think it could be cool to hear about your triumph over tragedy story.
Tomorrow isn't promised - Design and create your ideal life, don't live it by default
An original post written by a human
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The image shows a country house called Knightshayes near Tiverton, Devon in England. Photographed by me. The house we designed was not this big.
Sounds like a very valuable life lesson was attained via this rather lengthy period of turmoil - and although it may seem like the lesson was not proportionate to the loss - I think it was and it certainly sounds like you came out tops - the REAL "tops".
Not on quite as grand a scale - I too have lost everything before. My first property (which I managed to purchase at the age of 20), my first business which I built from the ground up... also at the same time and age - and pretty much all my materialistic assets. - And also because of someone very selfish.... my husband of 8 years. He too, felt like our money was better spend on his hobbies (drag racing to be specific) and he literally bled us dry. Being stupid enough to get married in community of property... I lost everything eventually. Have gone through the whole debacle of sheriffs visiting and taggin all your most precious possessions and then auctioning them off, moving from a beautiful house to a bachelor flat the size of a ticky stamp etc. And as if that was not enough, I had my first and only child with him and two months after he was born we walked out on us to go live with his "greener grass on the other side", left me with no car, and again... a business to run - the second business which we started (but I was the brains behind) and oh, let's not forget, a new born baby to manage in the mix as a now single mom.
It was a rough time - but I survived, as you do and you know what.... I would not change it for anything in the world! I too, learnt many valuable lessons not only about life but about myself too and I have grown enormously as an individual over the years and for that I am ever grateful.
Life sure has a funny and rather brutal manner in which it teaches you the lessons that you need to learn.
Ten years later now, I managed to successfully run my business for another 9 years until I decided to walk away and handed it over to my manager who had toiled with me for all 9 of those years... I had had enough and I wanted something different for my life... something that ENRICHED my every day - something that allowed me to be proper mother to my son with time availability and a LOT less stress all round! and so... here I am haha!!! Crypto has made be poorer by the day, but hey.... I AM HAPPY!!! :D
What a miraculous journey!
You know what I love about this? The way you just rattle off what happened as if it ain't no thing but in reality at the time it was probably the most devastating thing you'd experienced! It shows how far you've come, how it's empowered you and made you a better version of you...The same, but more.
We learn about ourselves at times like this...Sometimes is breaks and at others, like with you, it strengthens; Lessons we need to learn? Yes, I think so, and lessons we may not learn but for that adversity. You obviously had no choice but to push on and own it you did!
I must admit, when you said drag racing I was relieved...I thought you were going to say drugs which could have taken the story in different directions although the result was the same in the end...@Jaynie rises from the ashes like a phoenix!
Thanks for sharing this. If I was with ya I'd give you a fist bump, or probably a hug, so...yeah, you'll have to administer said physical contact yourself. Proceed.
!ENGAGE 50
Well that was a different time in my life and an entirely different story - but yes, like you said... same result at the end of the day so, no regrets to be frank.
Well as long as it is not a head butt! hahahaha!!!
Life goes on... that is the one thing I have learnt well... that, and the fact that every situation and circumstance is a teacher of some kind... so - learn what you can, grow to the best of your ability and at a pace that works for you and most importantly... just enjoy it all because you never know when it will end :)
Apologies for the delay in responding. I was in a queue at the hospital when I wrote the original reply to you and have just had so much on my plate since. Off to surgery at 5am tomorrow... hoping all goes well... wish me luck and advanced apologies again for delays in responding to anything you may reply to this haha!
Have a lekker weekend!
I love how you look at adversity, probably because it aligns with the way I approach it also. It's great that you've triumphed and are moving forward...Adversity may strike again, but you're more prepared through the last episode.
No worries on the late response, not an issue at all. An operation? I'd say have a lekker operation but that's probably not the right things to say...How about have a successful one! Yeah, that works better.
Keep us apprised on how the op went ok?
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Thank you @galenkp :) Much appreciated!
A great lesson came from this and I'm glad you were able to grasp it! It was a rather big house though, lots of maintenance to be done. Not judging, just prefer smaller places that provide less responsibility. Oh yeah and there's the fact I can't afford a big place, lol!
Anyway, liked the deeper meaning of the post ;)
$trdo!
Edit: Just realized that wasn't the house hahaha!
Haha...Yeah, that house in the image would have cost about a billion dollars to produce, or something like that! Lol.
Yes, that scenario with my company taught us a lot and we are better for it. It was very unpleasant of course, but we changed for the better because of the pressure and financial need and we have been happy with that change. Adversity is a great teacher.
Thanks for responding.
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hahahaha
and that is not massive? in my country that would be called a grand villa! :) But then again, my country is super tiny, and your dream house would just fit in between west and east borders :)
Wrt life changing events. I think when I left my previous employer back in 2013 and went into YOLO time for a while followed by working on many different projects not trying to get some money out of them, but mainly because I liked working on those projects, I ended up (almost) broke and only at the last second of having to leave my home, I got myself a job again. This was just 2 years ago, 5 years I was doing all the stuff I really liked doing. Now back to employment, I still try to hang on to one or two of those projects; Something I have as a left over from those 5 years and wouldn't have got into when not discontinuing my job in 2013. On top of those projects I'm still involved in, is also the time I spend with Steem services (mostly Steemit...blogging...and other stuff around our chain), something I probably would not have gone into that deep as I did the first year or two and got sooo much hooked on what we are trying to build here, I was never able to leave anymore. Mostly working behind the scenes at the moment.
I would imagine there are many differences between your country and Australia, not least of which the housing scenario. Here most live in a 130-180sqm, 3 bedroom house as a minimum. I needed a house that was going to accommodate my mother in-law who was dealing with a cancer scenario at the time although the house we designed was still only a modest-sized property. I have a 700sqm block so the 200sqm of house was no where near as large as it could have been. Anyway, it's all gone now as we can't afford it. We've moved on to new thoughts.
It sounds like you're happy to take some risks in pursuit of your best life, the one you design for yourself. That's pretty good. And if you like working on those projects, get enjoyment from them I think it's a double win. It's good that you managed not to lose your home but also that you feel engaged with life through those projects and, of course, steem.
Thanks for responding to me.
!ENGAGE 20
Yeah, I did and I still do. Fortunately I could stay in my app, but I was about to rent it to others, that would've made me money. At that time I was thinking where to move and started getting a real interest in living in a yurt somewhere. Had some budget left to buy one. Just needed some place to put it. But, I never had to execute, but the thought of living in a different way (a yurt is about 6 meters diameter) never left me.
My country is small, and full of people: 200km north/south and 140km east/west with 30%/40% water and 18 million people. Almost a city state. Aussie is totally the opposite as I discovered myself for the first time back in 1999.
Maybe some day you are able to get the home of your dreams. Hope you will :)
PS Would've loved to give you some Engage as well, but still need to sort that part out. Thanks for the gift!
Wow, small country. You know, in the State I live in (South Australia) I could drive for 1680 kilometres and still be in it! We have 1.6 million people in the State. Contrasts huh?
I like your yurt idea...I have a brother who always wanted to build and live in a mud brick hut so that alternative living scenario is one I'm sort of familiar with.
You came here to Aus in 1999? Cool! I hope you liked it. Where did you travel and what did you like the most?
(Don't worry about the ENGAGE mate, your engagement (comments and replies) are whats most important to me.)
Such a HUGE contrast between our two countries!
Back in 1999 did a tour starting at Melbourne (great city), to Sydney and the east coast up to Cairns (as so many other do). Liked a lot Byron Bay, the kangeroos in some suburb of Melbourne, Whitsunday island, Frasier island. Have been bavknto Sydney for a few times for work; Shortest visit was less than 24hrs roundtrip from my little Netherlands, crazy!
Have you been to Europe?
Seems like you did some great spots here! I lived in Cairns for a while myself, and of course have been all over Australia. Seems you missed my city of Adelaide though...You should come back. It's not a big metropolis like Sydney or Melbourne, but has a charm of it own. Oh, Fraser Island is awesome huh? World's largest sand island. Simply stunning.
Yes, I have been to Europe several times and am heading back there in July this year to go to Denmark, Estonia and Finland. My brother @tarazkp lives in Finland with his family. I love Europe as there's so much to see and do. I love history too and considering how far back it goes in Europe and the UK I tend to gravitate there. We have history here too, but it really only goes back a couple hundred years or so.
I don't like the sound of a 24 hour round-trip from the Netherlands to Sydney...I think that would be pretty tiring. Still, if you're required, if work needs you then you have no choice. Hopefully they flew you business class so you could get some sleep.
Hahaha yeah, it was a time of spending half weeks in planes for a few hour meeting. Left that job a while ago.
Super you are able to travel the world, and have family in Europe. A personal place to stay with family or friends always makes nice holiday destinations. July is a great time for Europe! Have to too almost all European countries but you’ll manage to visit three I’ve never been to, except one night in Kopenhagen and one in Helsinki. But that doesnt count :) I do hope you’ll have a great time!
Adelaide, missed that one indeed. Hadnt the time to be honest :( Next time I’ll definitely make your home town part of the schedule.
EDIT: just found out blogging must be in the genes; as your brother you also have a great amount of interesting posts produced in such a high frequency. WOW :)
We've never been to a bad place in EU...Love it all. I can't say what is my favourite place though as I love it all. It's just so different than here in Aus. Coming from little old Adelaide means heavily populated areas bring a whole different aspect. I love people watching too, so it works out. I also like the fact it's so different across each country but so easy to get to them. Here we could fly for 5 hours and still be in Australia. Lol.
Oh yeah, my brother posts a lot. I'm the stupid older brother who generally blogs about anything and everything, he's the smart one.
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It’s interesting how adversity changes people in different ways. Some break and can’t accept the reality of the situation, while others push through, and come out stronger than before.
Happiness is not getting what we don’t have but to realize and appreciate what we do have. Happiness and success is internal, in the end what is a mansion worth if you don’t feel happy inside. So good job fighting through this and turning a negative into something positive.
One of the hardest experiences I had was when me and my dad started a company in China. When we needed to expand we found a factory that could help us do that and we moved the entire production there. It was during winter, which usually did not get very cold in that area, in fact it was very seldom you saw snow.
But this winter a snow storm came, the biggest recorded snow storm ever. And the factory was not built to take the load of the snow collecting on the roof, so the whole roof caved in and ruined
All the machines. And just like that the journey was over.
The experience made me stronger simply because I pushed through the pain. My skin got a lot thicker and I realized that during those years I spent I had been so focused on success that I had let the important things slip through my fingers. This memory is like a trampoline, that pushes me back when I fall, because I know I can always get back up no matter what situation I will face.
Hey mate, nice trampoline analogy. ✅
I also like what you said about happiness being about what we appreciate, not what we have.
You see, this is why I wrote posts like this...To hear people's perspective, to understand their experiences and how they dealt with them. This is where I see a lot of value in the blockchain, a place where people open up and be honest and forthright about their success and failure...We can learn much from both.
Like me, you have learned a lot of things, carried them forward into your future-life and are probably much better off for that.
Seems like we're both survivors and I think if enough people responded to my post here we would hear many similar stories of personal triumph over adversity.
Nice work sir.
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It's always nice to read to you, dear friend, and I call you that because I already feel you're my friend. You don't have to meet personally to share such beautiful connections as friendship. They say that life goes round and round and almost always, as the human beings that we are, we live recreating ourselves in what was and because it happened that way. As you say in your wise words, what was, was for a reason, if it happened is because it had to be so and nothing more beautiful than finding evolution in this type of bad event that at the moment we are overwhelmed and knock us down. The human being has the beautiful ability to fall and recover, well you show it in your lines full of wisdom and much peace. When I was married, I had a similar episode, we had to divorce and I lost my home at that time, thank God, I found shelter in the arms of my maternal family and while it is true that I lived a long time lamenting that, today my nineteen-year-old son, with wisdom at his age, has made me understand that if it happened it was because it had to happen that way.
The human being has the beautiful capacity to be able to reinvent himself and begin again, I am discovering this and appreciating it at the age of fifty-three. Life gives us bad moments but if we can get something good out of them (I call it learning) if so, we are in maturity and learning to live with what we have. There are people in worse conditions, these years in my country, have taught me to value even more what I have, because there are those who have nothing, and when I say nothing, I mean both the material and the emotions. Thank you for sharing your experiences that fill us with inner knowledge, evolution and a lot of peace, I enjoy reading you, dear @galenkp, you are a very spiritual and good person, thank you for being on the path. Sorry for the long hahaha I get excited talking about these things. A big hug for you.
Hi Mary,
Thanks again for a very interesting and articulate response. I, also don't mind you saying friend as here on steem the community comes together collectively and friendship, even though we are all distant from one another, is a good way to describe it.
You've obviously had a life-changing event of your own and divorce is one that can empower or break a person, much like most of life's adversities. You ave quite clearly comet through it and are better for it, the event and the journey so that speaks highly of you. I like the fact your young son has stepped up to support his mother emotionally and I agree with him completely.
Thanks for your response, I always know when you reply to me I'll read something interesting and intelligent.
I hope you have a great day.
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Howdy sir galenkp! Man, you guys really showed what you are made of in coming back from that devastating defeat. This makes me think of the thousands of people who lost their homes and everything in those fires.
With the cost of things being so high there, depending on their ages, many will never have a chance to recover.
Talking about high prices..if that mansion is in the photo is in Australia, forget about the price of THAT thing! lol. 10 or 20 million?
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