RE: First Progress Report as Newcomer
Hi @fajrularifst,
It was nice to read how you've settled in and the improvement you feel has happened with your writing. It's also nice to see that your wife has joined you on this journey.
I enjoy your writing style and one recommendation I'd make would be to try to make it less descriptive and more... (I'm struggling to think of the best word)... emotional. I don't have the best words but perhaps I could use this as an example:
After evening prayers, we said goodbye to go home. The journey took approximately 45 minutes, the children fell asleep in the car, and after arriving home, I lifted them one by one to their rooms.
If you were able to add a bit of "feeling" to this paragraph, I think you'll be able to make it more relatable and should receive more comments.
For example, you could say:
"The children fell asleep in the car again. What is it about car journeys that make children fall asleep and this meant that I had to carry them up to bed. They're getting heavier now, or I'm getting weaker, either way, it's becoming more difficult."
This might not come naturally at first, but it should help to bring your writing to life a little bit and encourage others to interact with your content. E.g. "The children fell asleep in the car again. Do your kids do that too? Mine do it all the time..."
This might come as your confidence continues to increase. Maybe as you read it back, put yourself in the shoes of another person that you want to receive a comment from. What would you say to encourage this?
I think this point is perhaps reflected in the follower count (currently 11) and if I were to challenge you to get this up to 50 before your next report, what do you think that you could do to make this happen?
@ngoenyi - I hope you don't mind me asking for your feedback more often - @fajrularifst is a member in your community and I wondered if you have any thoughts that you'd like to share with him?
@el-nailul - I was hoping that you would mind doing the same and helping give @fajrularifst some tips on how to thrive here on Stemit?
Of course I won't mind, I will try as much as possible to respond and give my feedback when called upon.
This user has been very active in the steem kids and parents community. Within his 2 months of his existence here on the blog, he has been able to create 25 publications, including this and of which 7 is created in steem kids and parents community.
Apart from the engagement challenge, he had entered my own contest.
I see him as a user who had taken time to improve in his publications. I remember that the very first publication he created on steem kids and parents community was very short of which the mod that reviewed it asked him to improve.
https://steemit.com/hive-139765/@fajrularifst/sekilas-tentang-keluarga-saya
You can take a look and it was also not well arranged. And so is his second until he learned to at least apply the basic markdown styles which is text justify and others.
I believe that he will keep making improvements as he progress because I see him as one who is willing to learn and he is active too.
This is my thoughts about him.
I appreciate the invite @the-gorilla. And this is a wonderful initiative. I wish him well
Thank you for your observation of me Mrs. @ngoenyi, your views and trust in me spur me to keep learning and learning more. I won't let you down 🙏🏼
Dear @fajrularifst mungkin ya dimaksud oleh @the-gorilla adalah dalam seni penulisan akan lebih indah jika cara kita bercerita melibatkan emosional tertentu, tapi bukan selalu "Lebay". Jika memakai istilah saya, saya lebih memilih kata "dramatisasi dan visualisasi bahasa", sehingga pembaca seolah bisa "melihat" dan "masuk" marasakan secara langsung pengalaman penulis dari tulisan yang dibaca.
Sedikit contoh bisa saya gambarkan disini:
Di hari Minggu pagi, kami sudah bersiap-siap untuk kembali pulang ke Kota Langsa, namun kami akan singgah dahulu di rumah nenek Khalif (ibu saya) di Kota Kualasimpang. Sekitar jam 08.00 pagi kami sudah berangkat, ketika baru keluar dari lorong terlihat ada pedagang-pedagang kaki lima yang menjual sayur-sayuran yang masih sangat segar, saya meminta kepada istri saya untuk membelikan sayuran untuk dibawa pulang. istri saya dengan semangat langsung turun dari mobil untuk memilih sayuran-sayuran tersebut.
Tulisan ini jika lebih di visualisasikan bisa lebih menarik:
Di Minggu pagi yang cerah, kami bersiap-siap untuk kembali pulang ke kota Langsa, meski terasa berat untuk berpisah dengan sanak saudara di sini, namun karena kesibukan kami tetap harus kembali pulang. Rencananya kami akan singgah di rumah neneknya Khalif (ibu saya), karena kami sekeluaga juga rindu untuk sejenak berbincang dengan keluarga disana, terlebih neneknya Khalif (Ibu saya) sudah pasti lebih rindu kepada kami yang jarang bisa berkumpul. Sekitar jam 8 pagi kami sudah berangkat dengan lambaian tangan dari sana keluarga. ketika baru saja keluar dari lorong yang tidak begitu lebar terlihat ada pedagang-pedagang kaki lima sedang berjualan beragam sayuran yang masih sangat segar. Ada berbagai jenis sayuran mereka jual; sayur...., sayur.....(menyebut 2-3 jenis untuk visualisasi kepada pembaca). Saya meminta istri saya yang terlihat sangat bersemangat melihat kesegaran sayuran tersebut untuk membeli beberapa sayuran supaya kami bisa bawa pulang ke Langsa, saya memperhatikan istri saya dengan lihai melakukan tawar menawar sambil tersenyum dengan para pedagang sayuran tersebut.
Ini hanya saran saya agar secara emosional pembaca bisa juga terlibat membayangkan kegiatan pulang dari rumah Oma dan singgah membeli sayuran, dengan mengubah beberapa kata akan bisa membuat pembaca seolah bisa menyaksikan kegiatan itu didepan mata.
Demikian saran-saran saya untuk mengembangkan pola penulisan dan meningkatkan kualitas post. Lebi hdan kurang saya mohon maaf.
Thank you @the-gorilla I prefer to use Bahasa for better understanding, and thank you for mentioning me in this post.
Selanjutnya saya ucapkan selamat dan sukses di platform ini, jangan sungkan untuk berinteraksi di dalam postingan teman-teman yang lain ya
Good luck
Terimakasih banyak atas contoh yang Anda berikan Pak, itu berhasil memberikan efek penggambaran yang jelas. Saya akan terus berlatih untuk bisa sampai ke tahap itu.
Saran Anda sangat menginspirasi, saya menjadi merasa masih terlalu amatir 😅
Hello mister @the-gorilla,
Finally you want to stop by my place again, these few days I see you just passing by, I want to say hello but I'm afraid you feel annoyed or maybe you are upset with someone, so I will be affected.
Does this paragraph above contain feelings?
Thanks for your feedback and suggestions, I will continue to learn how to make my writing more lively.
It's important to put yourself in the shoes of the reader, once you're done writing, it gives you a different perspective. A valuable new lesson for me.
Interaction with others turns out to be an indicator of the quality of a piece of writing. I think this is my big homework. I am a person who likes challenges, so I am very excited about the challenge you give, please wait patiently, hopefully this will not take a long time.
The strategies that I will do in the future to get improvement are:
No bad feelings here at all - I read your post when you submitted it and wanted to be sure that when I replied, I did so with my full attention. I've been very distracted recently with the scammer, coding and quiz. I wanted to spend a bit of time looking through your posts so that I could make my reply more meaningful.
When suggesting the challenge, my idea was to get you thinking about what would be required to achieve this, rather than the expectation that you must do this before your next update. I always find "followers" to be a more meaningful challenge than reaching a STEEM Power target.
That's a difficult question and I wonder if rather than finding an individual, perhaps there's an alternative approach.
I think it's great to get multiple views and opinions. Everybody approaches Steemit differently and has different expectations so if you follow one person's advice, there's a risk of becoming "like them" rather than "being yourself". A lot of the advice I've seen on Steemit has been very descriptive or specific whereas success and enjoyment don't come by "following the rules".
One suggestion you could try, which links back to forming an interaction with your readers, is to include something in your posts which invites feedback. Something that invites people to help you to improve. I also notice that most of the communities that you post in "rate" your content. I've never liked this but in response, you could ask "What would you like to see that would take me from an 8 to a 10?" You'll then get a better idea of what each reader thinks is missing and if you agree, you can try to include it next time. (Don't do what they suggest unless you agree with it - always be true to yourself.)
I hope this is helpful.
One thing that I forgot to ask you last time (and it wasn't covered in your introduction) is what interests and hobbies you have? I see that you have 3 children so hobbies might be a distant memory 😆
Well I understand now, followers are a clear proof of the quality of a writer. You have enlightened me, I also remember you mentioned to write with freedom. No need to follow others, be yourself. And now I have chosen my path, "write for pleasure not for victory".
You are so right, with my 3 little troops, I have to sacrifice my free time for them, it shows with my slightly chubby body because I rarely exercise.
I am very passionate about soccer, I am a Liverpool fan. I like to play Futsal and eFootball. Reading for me is not a hobby, it's a necessity.
So sir, when should I write my Second Progress Report? 😎
Oh yeah I almost forgot, we are waiting for a response from Mr. @el-nailul
I completely understand. We've got 2 young boys and hobbies are a distant memory!
Ah, Liverpool. I've been there 🙂 There aren't enough Sports posts any more so if you ever feel like sharing something, WOX Sports is patiently waiting for you. I'm really hoping that the Sports community comes back to life on Steemit because it was once so vibrant.
Let's go with one month from now - 8th July 👍
Thank you Mr. @the-gorilla, I always look forward to having conversations with you, they are very meaningful and open my mind 😊