My dream couple...

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Mom use to buy a magazine, “Huisgenoot” every week. This is a magazine that is 107 years old and is read weekly by more than 2,000,000 readers. It covers a wide variety of articles, recipes, advice, a TV guide, and more. It was the “more” that always interested me.

I always made sure that I was the first to grab it when it was delivered on Thursday. My favorite pages… those last pages, the celebrity pages.

• What have they been up to?
• What did they wear?
• And, who is with who?

As a teenager, I was dreaming of those celebrity weddings. If only…

I had my dream wedding in fact, I had two. I won’t say lucky me as I believe that divorce is not an option for any marriage. Unfortunately, my first husband met someone else and decided to move on. Sometimes you have to accept and give in.
I was however very lucky that I found someone else.

Is my current husband my choice and my ideal partner?

Afrikaans, my home language, is full of wonderful sayings, or idioms as the English will call them.
One of these sayings is “Al is 'n pot nog so skeef, hy kry 'n deksel” and when translated “Even if a pot is still so crooked, it gets a lid.”

Me, the oh so crooked pot, found the perfect lid!

I met a man 20 years ago while I was visiting one of my clients. At the time I was giving advice and support to small businesses that struggled to make a success of their businesses.
When he heard what I was doing and saw the success I was getting he asked me to have a look at his business.

When I did my case study I realized that he was sitting on a gold mine. At the time I wanted to scale down as traveling the country seeing clients, being a wife and mother, and also a business owner started to take some strain on me. I told him that I want to get involved in his business but not as an advisor but as a partner. I wanted to buy shares and I wanted to work at the company full-time. He accepted and this is how we started together as colleagues.

Slowly but surely we became more than just business partners. He was now also my best friend. He was the one who helped me when I had my treatment for breast cancer and I didn’t want to tell my family. He was the one I was supporting on the golf course. I was the one who took him to fetch his brand new car and I was the one who made him food and coffee when we worked late in the evenings.

On return from a December holiday, I walked into his office.

Me: "There is something I need to tell you."
Him: "I’ve also got something to tell you."
Me: "I’m getting divorced."
Him: "I’m also getting divorced."

I don’t know who was the most surprised, him or me.

A few months later there was a knock on my door one evening. It was him.

Him: “I want you to give us a chance.”
Me: "No way, you are my best friend."

This called for a family meeting. I phoned my kids and it was not long afterward that we had our “round table meeting.” They told me that I deserve a second chance and that if I love him I must accept. Love… do I love him?
No, we are best friends.

The next morning when I walked into his office I blushed. It was when I knew deep down that I loved him.

And that my friends are how the “writing was written on the wall.” It was not a struggle, it was a beautiful love story that ended in marriage. Till today I believe that it mended to be.

The obstacles we faced

Our life as a couple was very difficult in the beginning. His ex-wife found it very difficult to accept. To crown it she discovered shortly after they’d decided on a divorce that she was pregnant. Yes, not only did I had a new partner but a new instant family.

His family called me the “Jezebel” the shameless woman who was the reason for their divorce even though we were only friends before his divorce. They didn’t want to accept me into their family.

His daughter, age 8, reject me. She would lock herself in her room when hubby was not home and when he was home she would fight for his attention and often make out if I was mistreating her.

His church had strict rules and they suspended him. He was not allowed to take Holy Communion and whenever we walked into church it felt that 800 pairs of eyes were on us.

To crown it a baby of 5 days was dumped on me. Here I was a mom of two fully grown kids and a grandchild and I had to start all over again with pajama drill at night, making bottles, and changing nappies. This while I had to build a new relationship.

BUT, through it all, we made it, best friends and partners in crime! Five years after being together we took the big step and got married. I made sure that he could not run away so I married him on a moving steam train.

My criteria for my ideal partner

I suppose we can all write a book on the criteria we have for the ideal partner but for me, it will be a waste of paper.

If you have to build a house with playing cards there is only one thing you need to have to be able to do so. Four pillars or four cards as walls for the foundation. The rest of the house might become unsteady but every time you add another set of four cards it gets strong again.

The four pillars I am looking for in my partner;

1. He must love my God
2. He must have the ability to talk and listen to me
3. He must love me for who I am
4. He must not only be my partner but my best friend

Although we’ve been together for nearly 13 years we are still building our house with cards, adding those foundations.

“When we love another, we embark on a daring adventure. It is the adventure of a lifetime.” ~Helen Keller

Do I prioritize beauty or comfort in communication?

Comfort in communication!

In a relationship, a few things are very important to make a success of it like, your morals, your beliefs, etc. Communication is however the most important factor for a stable relationship.

There is not one relationship that will be perfect. There is always a time that you do not agree with each other.

Communication is THE one thing that will carry you through the times that you and your partner are not on the same page, when you go through tough times, go through the loss of a loved one, or whatever it might be.

If you can have a good discussion with your partner healthily you can often reach the mid-ground again bringing the relationship to be steady again.
Good communication can lead to you understanding each other’s points much better without getting upset or jumping on the defense wagon.

There is always a way through communication we just need to make the time, listen, and give our partners the benefit of the doubt. Oh yes, don’t forget those “I am sorry.”

My measurement of happiness in my marriage

As I am already married it gives me great pleasure to tell you how I measure happiness in my marriage.

• Through the good communication we have
• The trust we share
• The commitment we show each day
• Accepting each other for who we are
• The hugs and kisses we share every day
• For allowing me to be myself
• Not going to bed being upset or cross with each other

“A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.”

Early marriage or older marriage…

Marriage is a terrible thing as it doesn’t come with good timing. You are in love and all that you can dream of is that perfect wedding.

As I had the best of two worlds I can tell you what I’ve experienced with each one of them.

Early marriage – I got married at the age of 20. Looking back I think it is a too young age to get married. It is the time of your life when you should experience life to its fullest. It is the best time to pack your bags and travel. It is a time to enjoy varsity with friends and not a time to rush home to cook supper for the family.

We were both starting our careers with the result that finance, especially when we had our kids, put a huge strain on our marriage. It is not easy to set up a house, provide education, and work full time.

We were clueless about so many things in life that each day was a lesson for us. Often we made mistakes that set us back in life. Yes, we learned from this mistake but it came with a price.

We were not old enough to be responsible enough and we tried to run each other’s lives. Being married young you feel is it your obligation to take care of your partner and to be with him all the time but in real life, we all need our space.

We outgrow each other. I was building my career and my husband stayed behind which made him feel insecure and look for greener grass.

Don’t rush into an early marriage. It is good sometimes to take a deep breath, say no, and then brainstorm it. When next you say yes, it will be so much sweeter. As for asking, discuss it first and then ask.

Older marriage – When I got remarried I was much older and with that so much wiser. My marriage is so much more of a “breeze”.

Three things are so important when you take that step to get married and that is;
• Mentally compatible with each other
• Being emotionally stable
• Having financial security

It is only when you get married at an older age that you can have all three of the above unless, of course, you have inherited a heap of money.

We now make decisions together, travel together, and dream about the day when we will be sitting on our rocking chairs with a cup of tea in the hand overlooking the ocean... the dream couple!

Him: "Bloms, it's getting cold. Lets go inside."
Me: "Only 5 more minutes my love."

“The difference between an ordinary marriage and an extraordinary marriage is in giving just a little extra every day, as often as possible, for as long as we both shall live.” – Fawn Weaver

To @ayijufridar and @fantvwiki thank you for pulling my leg to enter!

I invite:
@liasteem
@nadiaturrina
@Ngoenyi

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